Relationship Now I Need Help...

[ProudWife99]

OH my gosh! I am in love. I will have to show you a photo of my little one, but she is the exact opposite of a handful. I put her in one place before I leave for work and when I get home she has not moved. She is the definition of lazy. Although, she lives to cuddle. She is also VERY therauputic for me. HOpefully after yours calms down she can provide you with some love and an ear to listen.

Chardonnay (my dog) has heard me rant and rave and cry more than any other being on this planet. She doesn't judge me OR my husband. It is nice.

Hope you were able to get a little more rest.

 

[wife of]

Saw your postings a couple of days ago and wanted to write you a nice uplifting and supportive reply,however I was run off my feet and decided to come back to it "soon".

Now it would appear I left it too late,our own situation is in freefall and the words I had planned have all flown.

So the best I can add at the moment is,"take care of you while they take care of him",now is the time for a little regeneration.

Over the next few days I will do all the things that usualy are too difficult for him to deal with...

I will let the house look like a teenage student flat,might even have to buy take out just so I can complete the look ..

I will have a spa day..

I will catch up with at least one old friend in person...

I will have a pjs and soppy movie day.

And then of course I will make sure all is back to normal and safe for his return !

Admissions into hospital are not just about giving the primary sufferer a break ,carers(secondary sufferers) are usualy at the end of thier own tethers when admissions occur.

But for those dark moments that come in the night stinging your eyes with tears and filling your chest with the icy pain of doubt and what ifs,for those moments I have nothing to offer other than my friendship and cyberhugs.x

 

[Trembling]

Hi and good evening!

Back home from my first visit in the clinic, and yes, it was good to see him again! HIM! My days are pretty stressful even though he is not home, but as I said, my handful of puppy is of course missing the company during the day, and I feel sorry that she has to suffer too.
So now I am sitting in the kitchen, playing with her, or better she is biting my toes if I ignore her.
But it is sort of good, as she keeps me from thinking too much!

PW - I wished she was a bit more calm, honestly, but I guess this will come with age :D
I do not even know if she will grow or stay like this (hope she will get bigger) - but she is part of this family already!

My love is doing good, he is still on Valium which he hates, as it makes him very sleepy, but they will reduce it from tomorrow on. He is much more willing to go through the full stay in the clinic then last time, which gives me and him also, hope for a better outcome.

Wife of - it is the truth, the sad truth that usually the supporter is short before the "breakdown" when the admission is done. I felt totally busted this morning when getting up, and now I am also tired, but do not want to go to sleep, as if I could miss something.
I thank you especially for the hug and the friendship, as this is exactly what I need most right now.

Hug

 

[Learner]

Dear Trembling
I have read your story and join the others who commend you on your actions. I can guess the PTSD relationship book you are reading and would advise that, for me, it was not among the more helpful of books available. I really found the books "Shock Waves" and "A Mind Frozen in Time" to be very useful and affirming. You can download them on Kindle if you do that sort of thing. I know with your pup you have lots of free time, right? My sweet bf left me with his 60 pound "lapdog" and she has ended up being a great comfort and great responsibility - not unlike what you are experiencing. At any rate, I hasten to add that seeing the commonalities that the sufferers and carers share on this website has helped me more than anything. I wish you all the best and will keep your situation in my thoughts. You are a strong gal.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi, I just finished reading every post. My husband went into treatment and he quit drinking. He has over 7 yrs sobriety. We do not have high drama in our lives anymore. I am glad he is in treatment. Do they have him going to AA? That is a good resource, and al-anon would be a good resource for you. Food for thought.

I'm crossing my fingers and praying that this is a very good beg. for the both of you. As the sobriety grows, things will improve. But there is a thing called a dry drunk. It is the crazymaking behaviors of drinking with out the alcohol. It happens.

Learn all you can. Information is a good thing. My heart goes out to you. Hugs and prayers.

 

[amethist]

Hubby had a drink issue tonight Trembling, he hit bottom after it and is now just beginning to come out of the pit he fell into.

It sent him rock bottom from something that has been building for the last few weeks, and I never saw it coming.

So even 4 years after detox, problems can still arise.

Alcohol and PTSD dont mix, its like pouring oil onto a fire. It will go up even higher.

 

[Trembling]

Dear all!

Learner -I will consider the books definitely, as I want to know as much as possible, and I need as much hope for the future as I can get, to learn too how to even more appreciate the good days in life! Thanks for the advise!

Giszmo, I am very sure he will NOT quit forever, not that I do not trust in him, but as he was not drinking for a long time before we met (due to sports) and even while together, alcohol was only a "social" part of our life. His dream will be to have a BBQ with a beer, I know that. I know him.
If he will be strong enough - I do not know.
The big problem is, where we live there is not really a sort of "help-system" for A's, otherwise it would be a bit "easier".

Amethist, I am so sorry to hear that, as I only can imagine how you feel, especially after such a long time without the "binging".

Main priority for my future hubby is from my "little mind" opinion to do something against the PTSD, only meds are just not the solution, therefore I really hope the EMDR will at least support the "making it better".

But guys, you know what - I still want to marry this man, and we have 6 weeks to go. If you can do it, I will too, somehow, and with all of the support here.
I appreciate every advise and opinion and whatever you have to say!

 

[SeekingSerenity]

((((((((((Trembling))))))))))

You are going through a rough time, and the rollercoaster is just starting to gain momentum.

I have one observation to make today; what I learned about alcoholism is that once sober and out of detox and rehab, then there can never be a "social" drink again. I have learned that an alcoholic is only ever just that ONE drink away from falling again. And coupled to that is the life-time issue of PTSD. He may get the PTSD under good control, but he will never be completely free of it. And if he has a bad PTSD day down the line, and alcohol is available, I can only forsee disaster.

I'm sorry if you don't like those words Trembling, but I am being absolutely open and honest with you, and just telling you what my lifetime of experience with alcoholism has taught me.

I have just 17 weeks today to my wedding with my sufferer, and I can't wait. So I know what you are feeling! All the best Trembling!!!

 

[Trembling]

Dear SS I am ok with your words and I do understand the severity of an alcoholic. Though I do somehow believe that a person who was not drinking daily, can at one stage, of course if other issues are solved, with their full will, control the drinking habit, and go back to be a social drinker. Socially not every day of course, but within a certain limit.

I might be totally wrong, and I read about it in this forum when Anthony was writing about alcohol, so I still have hope that things will turn out better one day.

I also believe (in my world ;-) that it is important to focus on the PTSD healing and in connection, stay away from the drink. So I assume PTSD should be the first target during the therapy (when sober of course) and then the drinking.
My man is *binging* and it seems to me as more as we said he should not touch a drop of alcohol, the more problems it brought.

However, we will see, for now he is doing his best to get better, and I will not give up fighting.

Our wedding is in 40 days :D

 

[amethist]

It may be possible for some to have the odd drink very very occasionally Trembling, but once an alcoholic, they are only one drink away from going back to that point once again.

The saying "1 is too many and 10 is not enough" springs to mind here. Plus they need to be taught about the damage that they could have done to themselves, and checked for it, while they are in detox.

Brain damage, liver kidney and the rest is possible. Plus the possibility of their brain forgetting to breath while they are in a drunken stupor is so high up the scale it is scary.

As far as I am aware in the UK, therapy will not be undertaken until the drinking issue is addressed. Maybe it is the same where you are too.

So please do not take anything with this lightly. It is more serious than we first think.

 

[Trembling]

Amethist, I thank you so much, maybe I might not sound serious about this, but believe me, the only thing I am doing at the moment, is trying to learn as much as I can about both problems.

I only want to help him, and I need to support him with something positive too. I do not know if I only can brag the whole time about him being a prick the moment he has his "episode". Somehow I am a bit helpless, but strong on the other hand. As you all know - walking on eggshells is part of our lives.

Where we are - there is no real system, but luckily most of the T's did their degree in the States, so did both of the T's my future hubby is working with.

He is having his second EMDR session right now, and I guess it is good that he is under observation while starting with this kind of therapy.

Please don't be upset with me, I know I still have to learn, and I guess all of us still can learn something every single day in our lives. Unfortunately it is very often in connection with lots of pain.

 

[amethist]

I am not upset with you Trembling, not at all.

I am just passing on what I have learnt, then one day you can pass it on to the next supporter who gets caught up in this.

As for walking on eggshell, I gave that up a few years back. Plays havoc with your feet. ;)