Relationship Now I Need Help...

[Trembling]

Amethist, I lost the discussion.
What can I do? Nothing, but accept and somehow deal with what comes.

I did my best, but he has so many plans already, and of course is "scared" to loose the job he just got, so he does not agree on staying any longer then Wednesday. Having the habit of bad planning - or just bad timing, my nephew is flying in on a visit on Wed and my family is not aware of any of the troubles. It is his first visit here, so of course my love wants to be out and be there. It is like a circle.

I know it is always something and it is impossible to plan such things, but lately it seems - no timing at all!

Making him stay only for me - and therefore him being upset and feeling everyone against him, guess this defeats the whole purpose. I am aware that we will be in this situation again, and honestly I do not know how I myself will deal with it, but - again, I only can show him my trust, when getting it back....

I spoke open with him, about my fear, my own anxiety and that I will not keep all my feeling for myself, even if he does not like it. :mad:

I will need lots of support!
HUGS!

 

[ProudWife99]

You know I believe in you, Trembling. Nasty Nasty PTSD. Makes me so angry sometimes.

When I approached my H about considering inpatient treatment he considered it for a while and then one day just said "You just want me gone!" Then he pulled even further away from him. By wanting what I thought was best for him (and it probably WAS what was best for him) I made him believe I didn't want to deal with his problems, but wanted someone else to. Such a nasty, unfair cycle..to both parties.

(((((((hugs)))))) to you, as always.

 

[Trembling]

PW, that is what he did yesterday, first of all he knows me, I am kind of a good hearted person, sensitive and trying to always make things good for everyone, thinking of me last.

Well, so he wanted me to make a decision, but of course, only so he could say - I want him there and not with me. Since I had enough of him putting this on me, I told him I would call back....

And I got rid of my anger for an hour - CLEANING - preparing for my nephew.

When i called back, we both had cooled down, so we again made an agreement, on how it "should" work if something goes wrong, and I pointed on him (I could not hold it back) that having said things before and not kept them, makes me hard to believe, BUT if I was in his shoes, I would want my love to believe in me, even if it is hard.

PW, amethist, SS and many others are so much support, though we are all unfortunately like boomerangs, going back where we started off.
I am more than thankful.

1 month and 5 days to the wedding.......

 

[SeekingSerenity]

The rollercoaster from hell just keeps on rolling... I wish I could just stop it sometimes, even just for a short while, just so I can get my breath back and find my bearings again. Wishful thinking....

Trembling, I hope he goes back and can see that its not because you want him gone, but because you want him better. The short term pain for the long term gain... Its just so difficult for them, when their cups are brimming, they dont want anything else, then cant deal with anything else, its just too much for them. Sometimes we dont see just how much they are hurting too. They have become so good at keeping it in, bottling it up, until they overflow and explode. I am so sick and tired of my Beloved ALWAYS telling me, "I'm ok, I'm FINE" Goddammit woman! We both know you arent ok, that you arent fine. But you say that, because you dare not even think about thinking how you actually are truly feeling. And when I remind myself how much you are actually suffering, then I remember that my suffering will never compare.

Trembling, this is going to take time, lots and lots of time, there is no miracle cure. The harder you try to make it happen, the harder he will resist, and he has no control over that resistance. This may be a terribly hard decision for you, but be prepared for the slight possibility of a postponement of your happy day. I am prepared for that for myself already, I have been waiting for her for so long now, a bit longer will probably not make too much difference. Especially when I look back at it all in 20 years time. The short term pain, for the long term gain...

My heart goes out to you, because I see what I am going through in you too. Have faith Trembling. And NEVER give up... stay STRONG

 

[Trembling]

SS you are just speaking what I am thinking.

I am strong, and even I tell him I will have a breakdown, as this is what I feel, I know I can do it.

I was the one saying already please lets postpone, but he refuses and is devastated just me mentioning it.

My family had no idea about anything that is going, and I assume they would not even understand, I refuse to tell my Mum anything, as it would break her heart, as she really loves my man too.

But the good thing, my nephew arrived, and I think this is a good change for a few days for my man, as they get along very good, we will do some boring stuff :), and hopefully at least enjoy a couple of days of "normal" life - isn't it amazing how we change our way of thinking?

I never thought this could make me happy, a few days.....

And yes - I hate the sentence too - I am fine, I am good, I am feeling great - BS someone else!!!

HUGS

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear trembling, I am sorry things are so difficult. No doubt even the 'happy' stress of a potential upcoming wedding is more than enough to put things over the top.

Just for the record, I don't think the majority of us mean that answer as BS, it's sort of hard to know how to answer, because so many things go through your head. :( There are positives, there are great negatives, and (but) no one wants to be a burden, either. Or lie. It's not about a lack of trust, either, and not always (though it is, frequently) to hide it. It's just really hard to explain (in words). :(

(((Hugs)))

 

[ProudWife99]

Trembling - Good! I'm glad these few days will offer you some peace and comfort. I was afraid to tell my family what was going on as well and when I did they thought I was crazy. I just recently gave my mom a book on PTSD and asked her to read it, although I doubt she has. My family adores my husband, but I know if my mom would gain more information about it she'd see he wasn't just being a jerk.

Maybe the idea of postponing the wedding makes him feel like he is failing you in some way? I know sometimes it is difficult to let those we love down so we try to take on entirely too much! When we got married, we had a back-up plan. If the wedding was going to be too much we'd postpone. It didn't mean we weren't getting married, as we'd go to the courthouse and everything. I just wanted to have a back-up plan..in case.

 

[Trembling]

Dear Junebug, thanks a lot for your reply from the other side.
It is really hard, and right now he is soooo sensitive - it seems every question I ask is wrong, especially when it comes to his well being - so I decided not to ask anymore, at least for a day ;)

PW - with regards to the wedding, every single comment I make in just mentioning it might not be a good idea, as for the stress, he gets upset with me. And yes, it really is stress.
I am absolutely exhausted, though we had a great day, and will have a beautiful weekend - I am pretty positive LOL, lets see!

Good night, I need my sleep now - "head falling on keyboard" alarm!
HUGS

 

[Trembling]

Dear all, I am back - but for now not to tell you about another step back, but about the good things at the moment.

We had a great time together with my nephew and enjoyed every minute he was here. If I said, I was not worried, I would lie, and the worries are not over and never will be. But, I am again trying to believe and live for the day, the moment which counts, otherwise I assume we all would go nuts.

My man is very bored, which is not good, but this is something we cannot change right now, and he needs to be patient (something he never was ;)).

We are "mentally" preparing for our wedding in about three weeks, and of course also get everything else together for our big day. He is positive and I am trying not to stress for anything.
I have to say we are not really on the "lucky side" at the moment, as even the documents we need for the wedding gave us troubles, hopefully in a few days we have them all together. The way to receive documents these days is still pretty difficult if you do not live in your home country!

But we dealt with so much .... so we will deal with that too!!!!

HUGS

 

[Trembling]

Every time I write we are good, we start the roller coaster. :(

 

[amethist]

I feel exactly the same Trembling.

So I sometimes hold back from posting about the good stuff, because I know the bad will then catch me out.

 

[Trembling]

Glad I am not alone.

Just did not think it would come back so fast after posting....