Off putting remark from therapist?

[Orchid1818]

I had been going to therapy for my anxiety. We went over a couple assaults that had happened in the past with emdr. I was confronted recently with a guy who tried to attack me when I was alone in my car. I got away. Even though nothing came of it. It freaked me out and re triggered my fears. I told my therapist "i dont know why this keeps happeneing" her reply was "it's only been 3 times and I know ppl who have been thru worse". Saying that seemed really off to me. Thoughts? I know I have not been thru combat trauma or years of violent attacks. I know others have it worse. But my experiences did shape me and my trust and anxieties. So it kinda made me feel like l shouldn't have such bad anxiety, or diminished my experiences because they weren't violent enough... Is what she said off putting?

 

[somerandomguy]

There is definitely more than one way to take what she said.

You're taking it as her saying to you "What you went through wasn't that bad." However, it's possible she was trying to reassure you that people have been through worse and come out the other side.

It's worth bringing up at your next meeting, and letting her know that you heard it as her saying that what you went through wasn't that bad. See what she says.

 

[Orchid1818]

I would, but had to stop seeing her as anytime I asked if she had appointments available she was always "booked" months out and said she had higher priority clients.

 

[somerandomguy]

said she had higher priority clients.

Oh. In that case, she's just a crappy-ass therapist. I hope you can find another trauma therapist soon.

 

[Orchid1818]

That's what I was thinking, but I guess needed confirmation it's not just me. She did also drudge up something in EMDR and then left it opened up at the end of the appointment. She then was so busy and I couldn't finish the session till 3 weeks later. In those 3 weeks my anxiety was sky high, I was angry and i took it out on my family. Which caused problems. I then told her I would not do EMDR unless I have back to back appointments scheduled.

 

[whiteraven]

I told my therapist "i dont know why this keeps happeneing" her reply was "it's only been 3 times and I know ppl who have been thru worse".

Whether or not she intended this to be helpful, I can see where it would come across as absolutely NOT. Truthfully? I would have made that my last visit. Esp. given her general unavailability. Now, had my current therapist said that (he never would, but...), I would have called him on it. It's not an appropriate thing to say.

 

[blackemerald1]

@Orchid1818 - you are trying to get some treatment for anxiety not an opinion on whether it is bad enough to warrant some help.

When you locate a new therapist remember you are the client. Ask the new T how they stand with availability, what kind of therapy they can do with you, are they experienced in trauma therapy and any other questions you would like to know before you allow them to start.

Probably your last therapist didn't mean her words the way you are interpreting them. But as you know, you will now never know. Good lesson learned there then.

Please don't dwell on what you think she meant. If she did mean it the way you have interpreted it then it's clear she wasn't or doesn't understand how your trauma has affected you. Which means she might be a complete waste of time for you and it's good you are not going to her anymore.

When you don't understand something a therapist says to you, stop them and ask them to explain until you've grasped what they meant. That's important at so many levels. Don't be in awe of them. You are paying them for help not to blunder all over your feelings and leave you worse off then when you first attended.

But it doesn't mean you will always agree with your therapist or them with you. As you become more familiar with who they are differences will appear. That's ok if it doesn't interfere with the therapeutic relationship.

Sometimes finding a good therapist is really hard. Don't be disheartened and try again.

Best of luck with the next one.

 

[Orchid1818]

Great advice. I definitely do need to work on speaking up for myself. It truly is hard to find a good therapist.

@Orchid1818 - you are trying to get some treatment for anxiety not an opinion on whether it is bad enough to warrant some help.

When you locate a new therapist remember you are the client. Ask the new T how they stand with availability, what kind of therapy they can do with you, are they experienced in trauma therapy and any other questions you would like to know before you allow them to start.

Probably your last therapist didn't mean her words the way you are interpreting them. But as you know, you will now never know. Good lesson learned there then.

Please don't dwell on what you think she meant. If she did mean it the way you have interpreted it then it's clear she wasn't or doesn't understand how your trauma has affected you. Which means she might be a complete waste of time for you and it's good you are not going to her anymore.

When you don't understand something a therapist says to you, stop them and ask them to explain until you've grasped what they meant. That's important at so many levels. Don't be in awe of them. You are paying them for help not to blunder all over your feelings and leave you worse off then when you first attended.

But it doesn't mean you will always agree with your therapist or them with you. As you become more familiar with who they are differences will appear. That's ok if it doesn't interfere with the therapeutic relationship.

Sometimes finding a good therapist is really hard. Don't be disheartened and try again.

Best of luck with the next one.

 

[Orchid1818]

I do want to note this was the first time I've really tried therapy. And the very 1st time I disclosed the assault and sexual assault to a therapist. So it has been a learning curve for me. Which is why it's great to know what questions I should be asking the next time around.

 

[blackemerald1]

@Orchid1818 - I just want to add too that this therapist's opinion is no reflection on you. It's not your fault and you don't get to control what falls out of their mouths.

Unfortunately there are heaps of therapists out there who should not be - out there. It seems hanging a shingle outside and calling yourself a therapist has a fair bit of scope these days. That's why being a little more proactive about their qualifications and areas of expertise can save you a lot of grief.

So, again no fault implied in how you have acted.

I really do hope you find a serious therapist who can provide you with the support and treatment that you are seeking.

It is really a very big learning curve for someone coming into therapy for the first time and it is so very difficult too. Disclosing trauma to another person whom you don't actually know at all well takes time and trust... lots of trust.

You will be ok though. I do hope you try again and I hope good things come from it.

All the best.

 

[Rumors]

@Orchid1818
Can you just ask her for clarification? Maybe it's not what she meant at all? Although I agree, it doesn't sound great... I would ask my therapist.

 

[grit]

Maybe she is trying to activate your assertive side so you can be more adaptive to these type of situation where you need to speak up rather than simmer with hurt and confusion?...
It is common and beneficial to have missattunenent and misunderstanding with a therapist so at minimum you can speak up or ask clarification or show vulnerability and how these words hurt you...all these are things you need to learn in therapy.
Or you could leave and spend money and time with another therapist about the last one. Clear the air with her first and at minimum you learn how to stand up for yourself as an a mature adult.