I have a lot of external reasons to live, but it is the internal "hope for a better tomorrow" that keeps me going even on my worst days. Last month I was in ICU and sick enough there was a real question whether or not I would make it. The there was the how was I going to make it, paralyzed, using adult diapers, in pain off the charts? It messed with my PTSD pretty bad, but I also took it day by day and as I improved, I could find my hope again. Hang in there and turn off the news! If it gets worse, please get help as suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It will get better.