Overcoming ‘body memories’

[Hopeforlife]

The last few months I have had a lot pain and strange things going on with my body.

I have a strange jerking thing going in with my legs which is like an automatic nerve movement from my hip/groin shooting down my leg. This leaves me with a sexually aroused feeling which I can not shake off for hours or days. This leads to over thinking, disassociation and increased level of flashbacks which I had just managed to just about get a hold on. Are these body flash backs?

My trauma is from extreme child sexual abuse and manipulation so I struggle with my sex life. Different triggers. So this has thrown me up in the air a bit.

In order to satisfy these feelings sex does help but it leaves me feeling the way I felt as a child. Ashamed, guilty...etc

I feel like I am going backwards again. Any ideas?

 

[Rumors]

I can relate. I am really sorry.

 

[Freida]

I had to start emdr to get mine under control. Maybe worth a look?
I don't think it's strange -- just another manifestation of ptsd
Have you read the book The Body Keeps the Score? It talks a lot about body memory and how it can mess with your head.

 

[Hopeforlife]

I can relate. I am really sorry.

I am sorry too @Rumors.

I had to start emdr to get mine under control. Maybe worth a look?
I don't think it's strange -- just another manifestation of ptsd
Have you read the book The Body Keeps the Score? It talks a lot about body memory and how it can mess with your head.

Oh @Freida EMDR may be looking at the only way I can get a hold on things. Just when you think you can navigate this PTSD malarkey something else knocks you down. Feel like I am back at the beginning again. Yes I have read the book numerous times but I have also read somewhere else too that body memories are the last memories to be processed.

My mind is doing overtime. I am overthinking. Possibly making excuses for my abuser. What if he was abused (most likely) and he had these feelings and urges? Is that why he started to abuse people as he got so desperate to curb the sexual desires. This is intense.

I have not been able to go into so much detail with my T this week. Hoping to at our next session.

 

[Freida]

? Is that why he started to abuse people as he got so desperate to curb the sexual desires. This is intense.

My t asked me once if I thought this. My response was I didn't care and hoped he burned in hell. He may have been taught these things from abuse but he CHOSE to do them to me.

 

[feelingpinky]

I can relate too. I have stage 4 endometriosis with pudendal neuralgia and painfully tight hyperactive pelvic floor muscles which means I have lower back pain standing and tailbone pain sitting. My pelvic floor specialist recently told me I need to heal my trauma first before she can help me down there and recommended The Body Keeps the Score which I am now reading. She believes it is the trauma causing the pudendal neuralgia and the tight muscles and the issue with standing and sitting.

I feel so lost and so deeply sad that my body is so tightly wound because of all the trauma that I've held in my body for so many years. I am a survivor of child abuse, sexual assault and domestic violence and I find it extremely difficult to verbalise my experiences because of the deep shame I feel. I break out in cold sweats, I am hypervigilant in my surroundings, can't sleep at night and feel unsafe all the time except when I'm on my own in my locked apartment during the day. At night, my pelvic floor muscles are so tight that I just want to scream because I can't relax them to go to sleep.

I feel so alone and too chicken to be in a sexual relationship so I've been single for 12 years. I read about yoga TRE, I'm just wondering what else can help and what type of therapist to see too.

 

[Hopeforlife]

I can relate too. I have stage 4 endometriosis with pudendal neuralgia and painfully tight hyperactive pelvic floor muscles which means I have lower back pain standing and tailbone pain sitting. My pelvic floor specialist recently told me I need to heal my trauma first before she can help me down there and recommended The Body Keeps the Score which I am now reading. She believes it is the trauma causing the pudendal neuralgia and the tight muscles and the issue with standing and sitting.

I feel so lost and so deeply sad that my body is so tightly wound because of all the trauma that I've held in my body for so many years. I am a survivor of child abuse, sexual assault and domestic violence and I find it extremely difficult to verbalise my experiences because of the deep shame I feel. I break out in cold sweats, I am hypervigilant in my surroundings, can't sleep at night and feel unsafe all the time except when I'm on my own in my locked apartment during the day. At night, my pelvic floor muscles are so tight that I just want to scream because I can't relax them to go to sleep.

I feel so alone and too chicken to be in a sexual relationship so I've been single for 12 years. I read about yoga TRE, I'm just wondering what else can help and what type of therapist to see too.

@feelingpinky Thank you for sharing your experiences. Sounds really tough! Hugs to you if you accept. I relate

My t asked me once if I thought this. My response was I didn't care and hoped he burned in hell. He may have been taught these things from abuse but he CHOSE to do them to me.

@Freida This really struck a chord! I need to think more like this. HE CHOSE TO DO IT.