Overcoming Habitual Thought

[Sandstone]

How do you resist thinking something? In order to remember not to think it, you have to have thought it.

I've got a destructive thought associated with a routine task, and I can't find a way to break the link. Even if my mind is on something else altogether, as I do it I find I'm thinking that unwelcome thought again.

 

[Deleted member 541]

DBT therapy will help with this....

 

[Sandstone]

What part of DBT? Do you have any sources that have been useful to you?

 

[Friday]

I argue with myself.

I might not be able to control the first thought, but I can durn well choose my response to that thought.

 

[Sandstone]

Ah, but I don't want to have the first thought. It is gruesome and unpleasant, and I'm sure it has become a habit rather than a genuine thought. But in order to avoid it I'd have to stop doing a part of daily life. Otherwise I have to think "Oh, I don't want to think that , so I need to do this distracting thing" By then I've already thought about it. Normally I don't think about it, until the particular thing is in progress. Then it is before me in all its gory reality.

Usually this is only a problem when I'm wobbly, and fades out of it own accord as life regains balance.

 

[ladee]

This is a hard one @Sandstone . Maybe like was suggested DBT..but I don't know how to stop the intrusive thought from starting in the first place.
I do "thought stopping". Just tell my brain to stop. It takes practice. Some do Tapping which doesn't work for me..
I know there are ways to stop the thought..but know of no way to stop It from starting.
Sorry. I know this is a hard one.

 

[RecedingMoonlight]

DBT and CBT do help with this - "DBT" is a therapy that essentially says "Learn to do the opposite." Mostly in regard to destructive thoughts - for example, you feel like hurting yourself? Instead, be kind to yourself, spoil yourself, apply lotion or nice smelling oils on your skin. In that situation, if there's a destructive thought and your instinct is "Don't do the routinely task," the correct process is "do the task regardless, then congratulate and reward yourself for doing so." It's hard, and I'm not sure if there really is a way to completely stop a thought unfortunately, other than repeating self-affirming and assertive statements like, "That thought is not helpful right now." "This thought does not reflect reality or my worth." "It is okay to ask for help if I am struggling." etc etc.

It takes a lot of time and practice. CBT can also help reassign the task to be viewed as something other than the intrusive thought. But entirely stopping the intrusive thought in the first place can't really be done, it just comes down to saying "Yeah no, f**k off" to the intrusive thought and acting against it. It's hard, but it can be done with time.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Sandstone DBT therapy teaches you to also except these thoughts without berating yourself or becoming upset because of them. It teaches you to gently refocus your thoughts to something else, even if these thoughts persist. It takes time and determination to make this happen.

I also think that whatever issue it is that is triggering these thoughts for you needs further intensive therapy to find a way to resolve or come to some sort of treatment plan to address the issue.

 

[Freedomfighter]

How do you resist thinking something? In order to remember not to think it, you have to have thought...

Don't blame yourself for that because that is not under your control. I am now much better with that, but when I first got PTSD after being stalked, I had those thoughts about the predator 24/7 for a very long time. Unreal, but not your fault, as you progress through your journey they should lessen.

 

[Sideways]

My strategy is like:
"Thanks brain for that helpful monologue on suicide...again. But actually that's not really thoughts I need to focus on right now, because I already know that speech back to front, and right now I'm driving my car and focusing on that." (Cue refocus on the road!)

I have suicidal thoughts habitually. Wake up, what about suicide? Car needs petrol, how about suicide? Drives me batty. I don't need to focus on it, because it's the same thought, and I've thought it millions of times, it doesn't need endless repetition.

The fancy title is "thought defusion", often associated with ACT. For me, it's the helpful part of ACT. It basically posits that the more you struggle against having a thought, or the more you engage the thought by CBT-ing it to death, the more you're gonna have that thought. Like, if I tell you that you urgently need to stop thinking about chocolate, what's the first thought that pops into your head? Oooh, chocolate! I must stop thinking about suicide? Suddenly the suicide monologue is on repeat.

The first half of The Happiness Trap has been my go to several times over; because it includes a (much better) description, as well as different methods that different people find helpful. But the essence of it is to recognise those thoughts as nothing more than thougts, and refocusing on whatever you're doing, consciously deciding to let the thoughts be (rather than try and stop them), and just refocus. Over and over again if need be. The thought isn't good or bad, it's just a thought, my brain goes there by habit (not because I need reminding), refocus.

It doesn't work for everything. Like, thoughts that are actually core beliefs rather than just thoughts, I don't find it helpful. But if thoughts become habitual, it helps me a lot. Like, a lot!

 

[whiteraven]

I have had numerous very intense intrusive thoughts in the past that essentially took over my daily life. With one therapist, I tried "thought stopping," which was ineffective for me, mostly because I became obsessed with that process. I hear, though, it works for many.

The only thing that ever worked for me was mindfulness training. Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now. So, instead of "stopping" your thoughts, with mindfulness you *notice* them as they occur. What we tend to do with thoughts is grab onto them and then add to them. One example that I struggle with is the death of a pet. The thought pops in out of nowhere and, before I know it, I have her buried, and I'm in intense grief over her and want to die. With mindfulness training, I've learned to notice the initial thought and *let it pass* so that it doesn't become anything more.

You said you don't want to experience the unwelcome thought in the first place. I totally get that. What I noticed is that with mindfulness practice, over time, my negative thoughts were greatly reduced. But more importantly, the ones that remain simply do not have the same hold they used to.

Best to you.

 

[Sandstone]

One day I'm going to have t get to grips with mindfulness. I have understood it better when I attended a workshop, but when I try alone it becomes one more thing to fail at. I think it makes most sense to me as "being present", but at the moment I don't want to be present. I w ant to be as far as I can get from knowledge and experience.

n this particular case, If I can do the task without noticing that I'm doing it, then it seems less likely that the thought will intrude itself.