Overwhelming Panic Attack

[FauxLiz]

This evening I took a private lesson in self-defense/Krav Maga fighting as a trial to see if this is something I want to begin doing for several reasons: 1 to get in shape, 2, to learn a way to defend myself in close quarters 3, to hopefully find a way to be comfortable in my own body.

I really didn't know what to expect, I decided to do a private lesson because I have issues from childhood related to a physical education instructor who used to take personal liberties with female students. The workout generally went well. I learned a lot, I liked the style, the instructor and the private room. As we neared the end of class he started to teach me combination.for getting out of a standard two hand choke hold, deliver several defensive punches and prepare to retreat. I thought it was going well but as I began to go through the combination I don't know what happened but it triggered a major panic attack. I was so embarassed. The instructor was really good and understanding, he helped me breath through it, didn't make a big deal about it and when I was settled down even though we had run past our time, he helped me slowly walk through the combination one more time so I didn't end on a bad note.

Now all I can think of though is how can I possibly continue if just the idea of practicing a fight combination without a sparing partner causes a panic attack. What will happen when I am actually practicing against another person?

 

[Friday]

Walk before running? Instead of future tripping to what if when you're sparring in a class of people and, and, and... If working 1:1 with the instructor worked for you, except for 1 combo 1 time, continue doing that for awhile?

Or slow the future trip Down. Get comfortable, 1:1. Find out areas you need to watch out for and maybe do some work on with your therapist/ on your own/ with the instructor while you're still 1:1 in a very controlled environment. Transition into group work at your own pace. Now knowing where your triggers lie with certain combos, still continue to work those on your own, but do the other combos in class. Yes?

 

[Freedomfighter]

You have some valid concerns, that is probably why I have not tried to get personal self defense education. Because one: I might go totally apeshit, for a lack of better words, and literally attempt to "hurt" the person that is trying to teach me because the visage of a prior abuser may be in front of me.

Also, to participate in anything physical that may hurt a human being reminds me of people who are using force against innocent victims and therefore I would be filled with trepidation if I had to even only pretend to hurt someone.

I would much rather learn how to eliminate criminals without using physical force, which probably explains me entering the criminal justice profession.

 

[ahershey]

Funny weird, not haha.
My attorney advised me not to take a self-defense class. Due to pre meditated murder. My counselor advised against a self defense class due to "triggers".
A year and a half later, I am considering taking a self defense class. Lack of funds have prevented me.
I don't know your whole story. But. Maybe this particular situation is one to go through. Do it. Have the attack. Feel it. And then, face it again. The fear of the panic attack, anyway. I think this is a face it and conquer it head on kind of thing. The anxiety may subside after familiarity sets in. And then, you just WON three times over. Now, you have confidence. Now, your esteem is higher.
Let's say... you took these classes and three months from now, you are attacked. You use your knowledge to prevent bad physical damage.... You win your life... what will happen next? A panic attack because someone just threatened your well-being. So... if you learn how to defend yourself, how to preserve yourself from physical assault AND how to heal yourself from the emotional aftermath... you won!

 

[Ronin]

Now all I can think of though is how can I possibly continue if just the idea of practicing a fight combination without a sparing partner causes a panic attack.

May I ask if the slow combo was the same uncomfortable?

& If it's possible for you to reframe, in which own movement would mean control and having it, and the partner being there only so you practice how to get better with how you move, instead of a foreign force that's a possible assailant? Aka making things about you, and using what you're learning for overcoming triggers, as opposed to focusing on the danger therein.

 

[FauxLiz]

@Ronin the slow combo without a partner is what triggered the attack. My instructor was standing next to me slowly walking thru the steps of each action in the combo demonstrating from my point of view as if someone had put me in a chokehold but there wasn't an actual human in the attacker position we walked through it slowly several times and I was doing fine it was when I attempted to speed up the combo to a more realistic speed that something happened and I panicked.

@Friday I plan to try and continue this both at home and 1:1with the instructor I don't anticipate moving to a group setting as I have issues that haunt me from school PE classes that even this 1:1 session had to find work around a for as some warm up exercises trigger me from a teacher that took liberties with the girls students.

@AHerShyKiss yes I am going to see it as a win if I can find a way to not only get through this combo but other situations and come out learning how to be safe it is just going to take time.

@Freedomfighter I appreciate your perspective and respect your profession but my T and I have spent a lot of time on this and the goal behind me learning self defense is that not to be able to defend others but me and maybe as a result in his words for me to make friends with my body and not see it as the enemy any longer something to be punished for eliciting an unwanted response from men that has left me feeling the need to punish myself and the desire to escape my body.

 

[Sandstone]

I'll be interested to hear what you decide. My situation slightly parallels yours. I'm doing Tai Chi partly to get closer to my body. I find I panic inwardly and freeze whenever the teacher talks about a move as being part of self defence, even though Tai Chi only ever moves slowly and gracefully.
I think the issue may actually be the freeze - if we were not allowed to defend ourselves then there is an enormous sense of breaking the rules which actually magnifies the perception of danger and sets of the panic.

 

[Neverthesame]

This is totally my own opinion. So take with grain of salt.

Honestly I'd rather have the unexpected panic attack during the training. Not later when I really need to defend myself.

I would look at this as a valuable lesson. That I need to practice this more. A panic attack would have happened either way, right? Whether you were at a class or a dark alley?

The major difference between the two is one is embarrassing, they other is... horrible.

Here's my suggestion. Go back. You've not failed. Now you know your Current limit. Simulated choke hold is too much, right now. It doesn't have to stay that way.

Is this class a short term or long term thing?
If it's short term, I'd recommend signing up for a class in something long term.
Karate, judo, taekwando or whatever appeals most to you. The other advantage of the long term classes is, they move much slower. You won't be doing anything resembling a choke hold in the first class, or the second or third, for that matter.

You will have time to get used to the environment and people. Moving along slowly learning one thing at a time, and practicing over and over untill you get it right. Then you learn the next thing.

Also go to different schools in different arts. Speak with the instructors. Most will allow you to sit in and watch a class. Then you can get a feel for the people there, before having to commit to anything.

If you are keen to stay one on one that's fine too of course, whatever works for you.

Just don't let this discourage you from doing this for yourself. You can absolutely do it.

 

[Deleted member 37343]

I agree with @Neverthesame I learned self defense during the years I was being physically abused and although I did not use it against my abusers, it was definitely helpful. Ironically, once the physical abuse ended was when I'd get panic attacks. You don't have to give detail to your instructor, but yours sounds very understanding and kind. Take it slow, remind yourself that this is not real. If you're confused, ask questions. The point of self defense is to prepare for the real thing. Get your physical body used to the actions, you'll create muscle memory, and so if something were to happen you're body will use what it learned. I know it's hard, but stay calm. The more you panic during an event, the harder it is to think of your next move, evaluate the situation, and you're giving the opposer the upper hand. I know this is very hard and some days I can't do it. I do tend to have late reactions to real dangers though. Meaning if someone is dying or I'm getting attacked, I deal with it, and then later that night(which is soon for me) or a few days later I'll realize what happened and have a panic attack.

 

[FauxLiz]

As hard as it was I went back. I had a second private lesson last night and it went much better this time, I have also signed up for one month of unlimited group lessons for the month of November. I haven't done an organized exercise class in nearly 20 years (yes I have exercised since then) and I am nervous about it but I am going to try.

I appreciate everyone's encouragement it has really helped me to not just give up to the panic. I had really enjoyed what I learned before the panic attack and I enjoyed my second lesson. I hope I can not only learn self defense but get a chance to exercise, maybe get physically healthier especially since my doctors are always saying I should be less sedentary but maybe if I join these classes I will find somewhere I can fit in and meet new people and hopefully make a friend. Or maybe I am just being overly optimistic.