Panic Attacks At Dusk..anything I Can Do?

[Deleted member 37605]

Thank you, @Iwillrecover. I've got some thoughts based on what you wrote, and wi...

1) My father's death was sort of expected. He had Alzheimers. So it was just a matter of time. He died only a few years of being diagnosed with it. But he had many other medical problems.

2) I am not a heavy drinker. I didn't try to drown out my anxiety by drinking. I had a few beers now and then. I started drinking coffee to combat the fatigue. Fatigue and lightheadedness were my two big starting symptoms. I ate sweets too. So yes It is possible, that this lead for me to develop the full blown panic attacks.

3) The termination lawsuit resolved and in my favor. I had enough money to live comfortably for a few years. I can't go into too much detail on it because one of the terms of the lawsuit is that I am not allowed to ever discuss it in a chatroom or social media (weird but true).

4) Do you mean support over my anxiety disorder (whatever you want to call it?) None really at all. I have 2 friends with anxiety disorders and my cousin helped me a bit. Most people have no idea what I am going through. But I skype for an hour every other day with one friend. The other friend thinks it is in my best interest to not talk about it at all.

 

[Deleted member 37605]

I reread. Have you seen a doctor about your symptoms?

Yes, but I didn't mentioned the Marijuana induced hallucination back in May. But I am fairly certain he will think it is irrelevant He says he sees 10 patients a day complaining about anxiety related symptoms. he didn't want to medicate me. Because of my earlier marijuana incident I decided not to self medicate with it either.

 

[Gs172003]

Yes, but I didn't mentioned the Marijuana induced hallucination back in May. But I am fairly cert...

What did he tell you?

 

[Deleted member 37605]

He told me my anxiety symptoms would go away on their own given time.

Just want to clarify this is my gp not psychologist.

 

[Deleted member 37605]

Hun, OCD all the way. Choking and fear of choking when not consuming alcohol or depressants to numb that te...

No that is very helpful thank you.

I have been thinking a lot about OCD in response to your post. (Maybe this is another sign of OCD ..haha)

All I can tell you is that I had it as a child and I had it as a teenager. It mostly went away in my 20's though I can remember a few incidences of displaying the behavior. I used to have compulsions over whether or not I left the stove on..classic OCD behavior. I remember once or twice having to return home to check it. But this was a short lasting "spell" maybe lasted a week or so. I got used to saying in my head "the stove is off..you are fine"..and it seemed to work.

I did have a tendency to hoard but I am not sure it was due to OCD. I have an Ebay business going on for 13 years. So I used to buy up people's collections, sell the good stuff and store away the rest. It wasn't unusual for things not valuable at the time to become valuable later on. I had a good economic reason for hoarding. Add that to the stuff I hoarded was "fun stuff" ..vhs tapes, dvds, magazines etc and it became clear these items gave me some degree of pleasure.

Reading up on PTSD - you are right it is odd that none of my intrusive thoughts have been about the incident itself and I don't recall having any nightmares about it. Classic PTSD symptoms that I don't have.

I am not some "anxiety snob". I don't need to believe this PTSD. Believe me if someone told me exactly what I had and assured me it would go away and 1 year from now I would look back at this time in my life and laugh, well I couldn't be happier.

The PTSD seemed to make the most sense. Because a) My anxiety levels were really off the charts. It was my understanding (apparently false understanding) that PTSD was kind of like the "nuclear bomb" of anxiety. b) i did experience some kind of incident (whether real or imagined) and my daily pattern of anxiety resembled the incident. I would wake up with crushing morning anxiety (mirroring how I woke up nervous from hearing a noise on the day of the break in)..then I would have panic attacks at dusk (mirroring how I caught the prowler at dawn. I also had lots of flash thoughts about people hiding in the house, behind doors, people in the street trying to hurt me. I was hyper-vigilant and I had this loud noise in my head all day. I was easily startled and I overreacted to anything remotely startling.

Let me also explain that my anxiety did interfere with my normal life. Because of the "hypercharged mind" feeling that I had, I was unable to watch tv at all.I had a family function and had a panic attack where I excused myself and went to the ER. The dread and fear made it uncomfortable to be around people. I live with my mom currently and the anxiety made me fear her for a while. I had intrusive thoughts regarding her attacking me out of nowhere.

My OCD flash thoughts following the panic attacks have been the following:

Feeling I was going to hurt people. Feelings like strangers would come up to me and hurt me.
Feelings like I would hurt children or sexually abuse them. Feelings like I was sexually abused in my childhood.
Feelings that I would kill small animals...feeling that larger animals would attack me.
Feelings like I would kidnap women.
Feeling there were people hiding in my house, behind doors, under staircases.

All pretty violent and disgusting behavior. I wouldn't do any of this stuff.

 

[joeylittle]

@Iwillrecover - you have developed some kind of anxiety situation. There's truly nothing in what you've described that lines up with PTSD. And my opinion - much of the stress you're experiencing could have to do with you life being rather at loose ends. You haven't had a routine, sounds like, since you were fired. You're 43, which is a fairly common time to be experiencing some sort of mid-life crisis.

June 2016 - Felt really good living in a foreign country. Felt important, independent and just plain happy. However, by the end of June, I started to feel a little Depressed. I also increased my alcohol consumption greatly. Every weekend I binged drank.

July 2016 - Had first "OCD" incident in years which I described above. Drank so much I started to nearly get into fights which increased my anxiety level. Also experienced a slight head injury which I thought may have been a contributing factor to my disorder later on.

You can get imaging done to rule out the possibility of TBI, but a mild concussion doesn't really lead to any particular disorder, I don't think...You were depressed and started drinking. That's worth talking with a therapist about.

During stay in Greece, had extreme nightmare there was someone in my hotel room trying to kill me. Woke up kicking and screaming.

Obviously, it left an impression on you, but this is also the period of time when you are drinking heavily. And, nightmares do happen.

Had my incident regarding the break in.

Which wasn't a break-in. Again, I get that you were scared, but it would be normal to be scared.

But I skype for an hour every other day with one friend.

This is more what I meant - do you have people in your life that you are connecting with. It's good to have these.

I had enough money to live comfortably for a few years

Is this emergence of anxiety connected to your money running out?

There are a number of reasons why you could be developing anxiety. Your father's death wasn't sudden/unexpected, so that can't lead to PTSD. I don't have much knowledge of OCD, but my observation is that it's one of those things that people easily diagnose themselves with, when they may or may not have it.

I am not some "anxiety snob". I don't need to believe this PTSD. Believe me if someone told me exactly what I had and assured me it would go away and 1 year from now I would look back at this time in my life and laugh, well I couldn't be happier.

The horrible truth about mental health is that, it's still a baby science. No-one is going to tell you exactly what you have and assure you it will go away. No-one knows. I suggest you stop ruminating on what disorder you might/might not have, continue your physical regimen, and look for a therapist you can connect with. Sometimes it takes a few tries before you find the right one. In therapy, I'd probably start back at when you were fired, which you clearly still have unresolved emotion around. It would be a good thing for you to work through, and a good way to get to know a therapist.

PTSD doesn't fit.

 

[Deleted member 37605]

you have developed some kind of anxiety situation. There's truly nothing in what you've described that lines up with PTSD. And my opinion - much of the stress you're experiencing could have to do with you life being rather at loose ends. You haven't had a routine, sounds like, since you were fired. You're 43, which is a fairly common time to be experiencing some sort of mid-life crisis.

Perhaps, but my job wasn't exactly a piece of cake. Truth be told, I did experience some degree of relief from getting fired, especially considering I got a good package. I am also unmarried and at times I really regret not being married. But then again I'd say most of the married men that I know are very unhappy and tell me to stay single.

It could be a mid life crisis. However, I would expect depression to come first and heaviest compared to anxiety. Also, a mid life crisis taking the form of straight-OCD or depression I could understand easily. But why did it manifest to a hallucination of a prowler (or why was it triggered by encountering a prowler).

Finally, my mid life crisis was addressed by moving to Poland, where I got a chance to live large and have a fresh start. I was addressing the issue.

You can get imaging done to rule out the possibility of TBI, but a mild concussion doesn't really lead to any particular disorder, I don't think...You were depressed and started drinking. That's worth talking with a therapist about.

I should clarify that I was drinking often and drinking with friends. Those times were great. I wasn't drinking to address my depression. I'd say ironically, that I was more depressed when I wasn't drunk because I connected drinking with friendship. However, it is very possible alcohol abuse lead to anxiety. Having read that many people get their first panic attacks during a hangover.

Which wasn't a break-in. Again, I get that you were scared, but it would be normal to be scared.

I don't understand this comment. Please clarify.

This is more what I meant - do you have people in your life that you are connecting with. It's good to have these.

Yes I do. A good friend from Poland who suffers from anxiety. Also, my sister who's husband has severe depression and knows what I am going through somewhat. My other friends don't seem to care. My mother, who has lifelong GAD thinks I should go on Prozac and doesn't understand
my anxiety. She hasn't changed her treatment of me in any way when I told her what was going on.

Is this emergence of anxiety connected to your money running out?

No, I live at home and don't pay rent. Without having to pay rent my savings could last a really long time. So long as the stock market doesn't tank :)

The horrible truth about mental health is that, it's still a baby science. No-one is going to tell you exactly what you have and assure you it will go away. No-one knows. I suggest you stop ruminating on what disorder you might/might not have, continue your physical regimen, and look for a therapist you can connect with. Sometimes it takes a few tries before you find the right one. In therapy, I'd probably start back at when you were fired, which you clearly still have unresolved emotion around. It would be a good thing for you to work through, and a good way to get to know a therapist.

PTSD doesn't fit.

I have already seen 2 different psychologists and I am seeing a third one on Tuesday. I am also considering getting a hypnotist to maybe help me understand if the incident at the window was real or imagined.

I have no idea what a regular psychologist can do to help anyway. All I have done is learn a few breathing techniques that I could have researched online and had a good chance to talk aloud about my problems. Not sure if this is enough.

PTSD doesn't fit perfectly. I'd agree. But it just seems like the closest fit. OCD? Yeah I have experienced that in the past. But my OCD was mostly benign. Absolutely no physical symptoms, no off the chart anxiety, no mental issues. No 24/7 ear ringing and head buzzing. Panic disorder? It doesn't feel like it came on out of the blue and the panic fits a pattern. Also, there is always some anxiety 24/7.

 

[Gs172003]

Perhaps, but my job wasn't exactly a piece of cake. Truth be told, I did experience some degree o...

You do not have PTSD. Please get evaluated to find out what you actually have. You will do yourself no favors trying to treat yourself for something you do not have.

 

[Gs172003]

You have to be experiencing at least one..sometimes two...of all of these. And they HAVE to follow crit A. Have to.

Symptoms & Diagnosis of PTSD | Psych Central

 

[Powder]

Sweetie, all those terrible images of doing things not in your character are of OCD really hurting you. They are called Obsessions.

To have OCD you have to suffer from those, and they disturb you deeply. Then starts the compulsions to cope with them.

These give you a ton of anxiety. I hope you get on not Prozac but what your Dr. prescribes for a diagnosed condition.

OCD doesn't go away, it is genetic and in your actual brain changes. It is biologically (mostly) based. My grandpa (favorite person ever and hero) and my 1st cousin have it. Also my nicest aunt has it, but I am not blood related to her.

I wonder if my husband does, but he doesn't have enough compulsions. I think he just as Joeylittle says above sort of fits and assumes it could be.

In therapy, they can teach you ways to minimize the compulsions or work on the intrusive thoughts/obsessions and realize you are a good person and would never do those things.

In OCD, there is anxiety because it is not simple to dismiss the horrific obsessive disturbing images as "Stuff I wouldn't ever do." Without OCD dismissal is automatic and the thoughts never materialize into obsessions.

The problem is when you have something lifelong, it feels like its normal and everyone must feel as you do, but they don't and you are actually suffering from stuff that is extreme.

I would give the holiday gift of not accepting this will hit you at your most stressful moments of life any longer without support. Get a referral to a PDoc and tell the psychologist that you need to assess your condition fully before resuming treatment.

As I say, a therapist/counselor will keep you for years band-aiding the emotional bruises of life, and tell themselves they are helping you. I really think many have self-deceived into thinking that is helpful and what people need. When in fact, people might usually need to know the name of their condition and have treatment designed to fit that.

Once you know your condition for certain, care is much more focused and can have a much better effectiveness.

Hugs to you, as you work through these memories. I think you're brave to face and be honest with yourself about what you've had to deal with in life.

 

[Gs172003]

He told me my anxiety symptoms would go away on their own given time.

Just want to clarify this i...

Sweetie, all those terrible images of doing things not in your character are of OCD really hurting you. The...

I don't necessarily believe it's ocd either. There are many things it could be. My husband is a horder of sorts but is not ocd. It's not an obsession, it just, is. He is, however, very depressed. He has had trauma in his life in that he was jumped and beaten but a group of people as a teen and i wonder if that hasn't effected him but that's another story.

That said...the hallucinations could point to many things. I have a co-worker that was diagnosed with psychosis because of those kinds of things. There's many things it could be. But it seems to me you need to get to the bottom of it and deal with whatever it is.

 

[Deleted member 37605]

You have to be experiencing at least one..sometimes two...of all of these. And they HAVE to follow crit...

I am not trying to argue, just understand as I am reading this - I am not sure that I can'y qualify for PTSD under the guidelines given here:

Part A

Trauma survivors must have been exposed to actual or threatened:

• death
• serious injury
• sexual violence

The key word I think, is the last one "threatened". Seeing a prowler at your window, is a "threat of serious injury. Also, keep in mind this was at 5am. I think if it happened midday, I never would have developed any problems. Can't prove it but it's a hunch. When it happens when you are half asleep, the even seems "more threatening" to your subconscious. I can't prove that exactly, But it kind of follows some common sense.

Criterion B: Intrusion or Re-experiencing

I admit I haven't had the non stop flashbacks usually associated with PTSD. However, I noticed throughout this whole ordeal the past few months, my stress levels are much higher at dusk (strong reminder). This is when I experienced my worst panic attacks and nightly panic attacks for about a month. I also experience a great deal of morning anxiety which seems to correspond with my memories of the event. (although I admit morning anxiety is very common for many different anxiety disorders).

Criterion C: Avoidant symptoms

The event took place thousands of miles away which makes it really easy to avoid the event. It may actually be helping me with recovery. The only event that comes close, is my refusal to look through windows after dark. I have been avoiding that. When I first started having panic symptoms, I would sleep with the lights on. I slept with the lights on for about a month.

Criterion D: Negative alterations in mood or cognitions
and
Criterion E: Increased arousal symptoms

Here's where I "shine". I have experienced every single on of these symptoms in both criterion D and E. Especially what is shown under criterion E. My level of hypervigilance has been off the charts Couldn't concentrate enough to watch tv. Very irritable. The whole 9 yards.

Criteria F, G and H

Well the symptoms lasted longer than a month. It is not due to substance abuse or illness. How badly it has interfered with my life is a matter of debate. At least to me, I feel my life was really horrible the past 2 1/2 months.