Paranoid Switch :(

[anthony]

Ok TR... but this is important. So I need you to take your above list and literally break it down into the prior headings, being, fore your thought and against your thought.

You must master the process to put your own thinking into perspective, so you can look at it in some type of order.

Thought:

Fore Thought:

Against Thought:

 

[timetorecover]

I have had the feeling that I used to get in therapy, when I am asked a question and I literally become dumb struck. It's a feeling in my stomach. Like writers block, it's just blank.
Maybe I avoid things unintentionally as a coping strategy.
Not sure!
I am thinking and working on how to do this. Just get stuck. My brain hurts trying to make sense of it. Its that bloody switch that over rides the strategy.
I want to work on my thought about my children not bring abused.

The fore evidence? I cannot give any, they are safe now so it's not going to make sense.
Just my mistrust and doubt playing games, I know!

The against evidence - well they are safe inside so they are not now but it's the concern that something bad could happen.

I really dont think I am doing this right am I? It's frustrating me so much it's making me cry! ( which is something I really want to be able to control! Gonna come back to this later...

 

[anthony]

The logical simplicity is that I show you based on what you have already written, concluding that you actually can find fore and against evidence.

Thought: I fear my children are going to be abused or come into danger.

Evidence Fore This Thought

• Fears of my kids being abused is such a strong feeling that it hurts.
• My mistrust is based on fears of real experiences. My daughter was SA at her nursery school. I therefore feel a lack of confidence as I think it may happen again in a situation, when I presume that she is safe.
• I realise that I have developed some unhelpful coping techniques.
• I have lost faith in everyone and do not trust it won't happen again. I trust no one. Family, friends, teachers, it even crosses my mind about my husband. I mean wtf? Her dad! I realise how totally stupid i am being.
• I also feel so guilty too, for putting her in a situation that allowed this to happen.

Evidence Against This Thought

• I do not want to live my life fearing for them, I want them to be free and happy. So do I!
• My rational mind sais that they are safe and can communicate and know to not let people touch them.
• I know she is safe now, but still doubt everyone that I know and meet.
• I have no evidence that it's happening now or that it will in the future. I just cannot stop thinking about the chance that it might...
• Would actually think It would be easier to answer the questions to the issue over worrying that my husband is cheating. As with that concern, I do not have any facts to constantly refer to, that is totally my imagination with no evidence.

I put some of your prior information into a fore and against list for you, to show you exactly how you do it, even if completely babbling and you believe you're non-sensicle, the idea is that a list is created. Then we review and edit and list, adjust the list to be more definitive based on some discussion.

STOP getting so infused within the right or wrong, good or bad, and cut all the complexities down to the most simplest of forms. Question, answer/s. That is how simple this really is.

It's perfectly normal a person is confused with this process when given it... hence you have irrational thoughts and paranoia... the process is a learning curve, along with sifting for evidence, adding and subtracting evidence. I can already see the clear issue, though that is what you will find as this progresses. You have to see it for yourself and do most of the discovering, I will only lead you in a general direction. What you find will be your choice at the end of the day.

So... what do you think roughly about the above list? Thought, fore and against statements in your writing. Do they all fit or are some repetitive / not really evidence? If so, why?

Again, don't make this complicated... keep it simple. An overall view of the list, not a detailed synopsis at this point.

 

[timetorecover]

Wow, it's crazy seeing it written like that. Facts v's imagination! A sort of organised way of thinking?!

I definitely note how totally judgemental I am. It's staring me in the face. I have identified that before though, again, struggle to turn that off too! I suppose that the issues are linked.

So when I first read the list I was out and in public. I was overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude that you have taken the time to help. I feel lost without my therapist and being offered some help really touched me. As it does when I get any support from this forum. So thanks!!

Anyway, As I previously mentioned I felt a sense of organised answers to my irratic thinking. I need to be able to edit my thoughts myself though as it was you and not me that created the list.

I put so much pressure on myself trying to make things right, you observed that well.

I am intrigued by your comment that you can see my clear issue. What does that mean?

 

[anthony]

I am intrigued by your comment that you can see my clear issue. What does that mean?

It means I can see it, you obviously cannot yet. I am not going to tell you anything, that is implanting. You will find it yourself with more discussion. You have to find it, not me. Don't go looking for it, thinking an answer will solve your current paranoia, because it won't. You will only be left with a possible answer, yet no understanding of the underlying issues.

Also, don't worry about what you've done right now, again, this is about teaching you the process correctly. That process doesn't involve you jumping in feet first trying to build lists, which are useless without knowing how to reason each point through. That is what we're going to do now.

Lets start at the top.

Point 1 - Fears of my kids being abused is such a strong feeling that it hurts.

Ok... please elaborate this point.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I really hope I'm not throwing a wrench into things by saying this....

I suffer from obsessive thoughts and ruminations. And to be frank, it sucks! I work my CBT skills like crazy, but sometimes they don't work. (No one skill set is going to work 100% of the time, no matter how great it is.) A few weeks ago this happened to me, and I pulled up my ACT skills (which in a number of ways don't particularly agree with CBT). I pretty much told my thoughts I wasn't going to listen to them anymore as they were lying to me (I pretty much gave them the proverbial finger and told them to eff off, lol) Low and behold, it worked! Now don't get me wrong, I truly believe in CBT, I am just realistic in knowing that I can draw on other skill sets to get me though a tough spot.

My advice? Go back and pick up your CBT skills again. Maybe therapy isn't good enough, maybe you need a day program or something similar. (I learned all my skills in a trauma unit, so I had the benefit of having them hammered into me all day long for a month straight, times two stays in this unit... I don't do well just learning skills once a week for 50 minutes minus ten minutes for catch up at the beginning minus ten minutes for wrap up, coupled with getting thrown off track for mini-crisis' that would arise...you get my point!) CBT works, but only if you work it! (And it doesn't hurt to learn other therapies as well which can help when one skill set fails.)

 

[timetorecover]

Point 1 - Fears of my kids being abused is such a strong feeling that it hurts.

Ok... please elaborate this point.[/quote]

So.. The physical sensation that I feel when I fear for my kids, its gut wrenching, I am not only nauseas but get cramps in my tummy. I also suffer with migraines and get a tingling feeling in my head when I get stressed. My arms and legs loose their strength, it's like the muscles do not work, yet all I want to do I'd clench my fists and toes,

Its like i am preparing for for a fight?! Just without any strength. That hurts, feeling like I am not strong enough to defend.

Sorry but just want to point out that by describing these body felt sensations, I am crying again!! It's seeing how much my mind is doing to my body!! And what my mind is doing to my head!!!

Anyway, I hope that I have explained how it hurts ;(

 

[anthony]

Ok, what evidence do you have to substantiate this fear you feel, based on the thought of your kids being abused, that causes you to become physically ill as stated?

Please elaborate whether this fear is past tense, present tense or future tense, ie. I think about it happening and this fear causes the reactions you have explained.

 

[timetorecover]

Ok not sure if this is ok... I have evidence that it has happened before. Therefore feel I base the past with the present possibility it might happen again. When i think anout the past, i have a different sensation to when I am worrying about the present or future. It's interesting to examine the actual physical feelings that I have.

If I imagine the past, it creates stomach wrenching, churning and helpless feeling. Like the first day of school, the unknown details and insecurity. Also a huge amount of guilt.

When I imagine a future possible scenario that evokes paranoid feelings about my kids being abused, I feel my heart fall into my stomach, like in a roller coaster. It's then panic that can come over at any given time. It's exhausting to control!!

It always goes to my stomach. I unsurprisingly suffer with a stomach ulcer! Any time I get stressed I feel nauseas..??!

 

[anthony]

Ok... so would you agree then that point one is directly based upon point 2, thus making point one mute?

 

[Beverly Phillips]

I don't know where to begin. I was assaulted and raped in 2005 and stalked for two more years. I did therapy for years and got to where I could go out of the house again. Last week. a neighbor, who knew what happened to me took advantage of me and put his hands on me inappropriately. I can't tell anyone. The sheriff in our backwoods county told me in 2005 to stop calling. I can't tell my husband, because this man is known to us and it's not worth my husband taking vengeance on him. Now I can't step out of the house again. And I can't sleep

 

[timetorecover]

Ok... so would you agree then that point one is directly based upon point 2, thus making point one mute?

Yeah, totally agree. But it is telling point one to shut the f*#! Up that I struggle to manage!
How???