Parts need help with touching

[SinkorSwim]

I had therapy yesterday. Little me came out. I do brainspotting with my therapist. Little me was very upset and in the past T has helped by squeezing my hand to ground me. It helps a lot I won't deny that. I am a sexual abuse survivor so we are trying to incorporate being touched into my therapy. Yesterday little me reached out for my T to squeeze my hand. She did and she said she was super proud of me for doing so. At the same time adult me is telling myself I should rely on her that much and that reaching out was a bad thing. How much is too much touching? I know it helps but I don't want to be needy and feel the hand squeezing is asking for too much help.

 

[somerandomguy]

I think a therapist's office is a really great place to explore those questions and experiment with touching in a safe place. I don't think your therapist will think you're being needy at all ... I don't. She's there specifically to help you.

 

[grit]

These sort of posts just amaze me how much we can hurt each other spiritually and still survive. Your inner child needs to reach out until she longer needs that. I hope your adult side just allows that and contains with her. Thank you for sharing this.

 

[Emotional girl]

I think you have done amazingly well by letting your T touch you and squeezing your hand.You should be proud of yourself.
We all need different things in therapy and I don't think your T will think you are needy at all.

 

[Swift]

I don't understand parts, really. But it's okay for your little to need things.
You're doing amazing work.

 

[Skywatcher]

I also have an issue with feeling too dependent on my T. I discovered yesterday that I have spent most of my life relying on myself and hiding how I truly feel when it comes to emotional upsets, so seeing myself in therapy attach to her has been really scary. In some ways, deciding to just trust her, despite my fears, has removed some of the anxiety.

 

[SinkorSwim]

I also have an issue with feeling too dependent on my T. I discovered yesterday that I have spent most of my life relying on myself and hiding how I truly feel when it comes to emotional upsets, so seeing myself in therapy attach to her has been really scary. In some ways, deciding to just trust her, despite my fears, has removed some of the anxiety.

Oh my goodness yes! I fear attachment, all good things come to an end and I am afraid of the end. I don't think I will ever be ready but my therapist thinks that I will know when I will be ready and it won't be so bad. On good days when I fully trust her I feel like I get a lot of work done and I wish I wouldn't get in the way so much!

 

[SinkorSwim]

A week later and another therapist appointment and I moved a big rock. Little Katie was quite upset and was able to communicate that she needed someone and told the therapist she was stuck in the scene. I was on the verge of a panic attack so my therapist stepped in and asked if it would help little Katie come unstuck if she offered a hug. Big Katie's pride has gotten in the way of asking for a hug. I am glad my therapist recognized that she needed to iniate the asking for a hug. It was extremely comforting and she let me fall apart. In my head big Katie is still saying no touching. I however know it helped to comfort little Katie and I feel like I'm ready to tell her the rest of the story and know I can and will completely fall apart but she will be there for me. She even said I can ask for a hug anytime if I am okay with it. Now just to get big Katie okay with asking for it! I feel like the hug opened more doors for completely trusting her.