Bookoffee
Platinum Member
I have so much swirling in my head right now that it is hard to stay focus on what I want convey about all the stuff that has happened. This is a difficult task so please feel free to ask as many question for clarification.
I have always suffered from nightmares and at ties terrors. This past March/April, I started to have terrors. I agreed to try family therapy with my mother. The first session moments after the introduction she told the therapist that her ex would only drink for three months out of the year. Like as if that was enough to make everything ok.
The terrors started. I woke up one day in April and the mattress was half off the bed and the area around was a mess. I had a couple of bruises and my hand was sore. I would mention it to my medical providers and they would tell me it was bruised muscles. I felt like it was more as time went on and the worse it was becoming. The beginning of June I went to a walk-in clinic for orthopedics. I had broken my hand back in April. I am still in a cast. I will start PT the middle of this month.
Today I am dealing with flashbacks. My wife lost a friendship today because she was jealous of the sexual relationship the friend has with another woman. The friend couldn't handle my wife's jealously and ended the friendship and told her to stay away from her children. My wife is heartbroken. We had already agreed to a divorce a few months back and that is when she started to see this friend more. I never pushed her for information on their relationship. I figured that if she wanted me to know, she will tell me but I would still disgust with my therapist. I knew her friend had every value that attracts her.
I saw a quick video of what I believe was a child crying uncontrollable over the death of his father. He was shot and killed by a police officer. I usually filter out all news in my life so seeing this was gut wrenching and had me stuck back in my youth when my stepfather was having one of his 'drunken months'. I am struggling to stay focus on this moment as I type.
Before I came here to write, I texted an aunt and shared my dark thoughts and she helped me through them. I went to my Facebook page. It doesn't have any friends, only positive interests. When I try to do a search through the page, it will show people I may know. I will block these people as I go. As I doing this, I came to realize that a veterinarian I had been following was actually an ex-stepsister. If anyone knows me and my story, it was my stepsister from my youngest years (5-8). I have been haunted by my actions towards her.
I just need to share all the ugliness
I have always suffered from nightmares and at ties terrors. This past March/April, I started to have terrors. I agreed to try family therapy with my mother. The first session moments after the introduction she told the therapist that her ex would only drink for three months out of the year. Like as if that was enough to make everything ok.
The terrors started. I woke up one day in April and the mattress was half off the bed and the area around was a mess. I had a couple of bruises and my hand was sore. I would mention it to my medical providers and they would tell me it was bruised muscles. I felt like it was more as time went on and the worse it was becoming. The beginning of June I went to a walk-in clinic for orthopedics. I had broken my hand back in April. I am still in a cast. I will start PT the middle of this month.
Today I am dealing with flashbacks. My wife lost a friendship today because she was jealous of the sexual relationship the friend has with another woman. The friend couldn't handle my wife's jealously and ended the friendship and told her to stay away from her children. My wife is heartbroken. We had already agreed to a divorce a few months back and that is when she started to see this friend more. I never pushed her for information on their relationship. I figured that if she wanted me to know, she will tell me but I would still disgust with my therapist. I knew her friend had every value that attracts her.
I saw a quick video of what I believe was a child crying uncontrollable over the death of his father. He was shot and killed by a police officer. I usually filter out all news in my life so seeing this was gut wrenching and had me stuck back in my youth when my stepfather was having one of his 'drunken months'. I am struggling to stay focus on this moment as I type.
Before I came here to write, I texted an aunt and shared my dark thoughts and she helped me through them. I went to my Facebook page. It doesn't have any friends, only positive interests. When I try to do a search through the page, it will show people I may know. I will block these people as I go. As I doing this, I came to realize that a veterinarian I had been following was actually an ex-stepsister. If anyone knows me and my story, it was my stepsister from my youngest years (5-8). I have been haunted by my actions towards her.
I just need to share all the ugliness
