Relationship Patience Or Enabling

[journey31]

My friend said that to me tonight. That I need to figure out, if I'm being patient and persistent, or enabling his behavior towards me.
People who don't understand PTSD tell me that they would've already left.
I really don't know. How can I tell? I don't let him get away with everything. I do tell him some things that bother me. Not everything. But he isn't really doing anything about it. At least not more than an immediate response. Then back to his shell.

And if I am enabling, how do I fix it? I'm not going to do an ultimatum. That'll backfire

 

[Sighs]

I'm talking now as the mother of a special needs child rather than in any way related to PTSD but I found this THE single most difficult thing about parenting that child - how do I push her so that she improves without pushing her so far that I am expecting the impossible?

Physical issues are easier - no-one says a wheelchair is enabling and that lazy paraplegic should just pull himself together and walk! But when do you give your sufferer a kick up the arse and when do you let things slide? I don't know. And neither do they. The longer you are together the better feel you will have for what your sufferer needs and when.

 

[Sweetpea76]

You can't really do anything to change his behavior. All you can do is set your own boundaries. There can be a very thin line between making allowances for his PTSD, and becoming a doormat. Sometimes you have to take off the love goggles and look at it logically. Is this healthy for me? Is this healthy for him? Is this a relationship/partnership or am I just catering to him and getting nothing in return?

I put my foot down with a lot of things, but I do make many many allowances. Usually it is dependent on his stress levels and how symptomatic he is at the time. BUT I don't ever let things get to an unhealthy level. He doesn't get to stomp all over my heart because he has PTSD, and if he can't be a considerate partner, then he isn't capable of being in a relationship.

 

[journey31]

You can't really do anything to change his behavior. All you can do is set your own boundaries. There...

I probably put up with more than I should. I know he's in a bad way right now, so I'm trying to battles where it's not when he's bad. Just seems like he's bad more often than good.