Petrified Of Getting Old - Can Anyone Relate?

[2notbedefeated]

I am so petrified of growing old. Pardon my descriptions if it offends somene, but I am scared of what happens to your body when you age. I am scared oif watching my body change and get all - aww I won't say but you know what I mean.

Trying to face this fear is probably worse for me than facing my traumas, and the sexual and physical abuse that I am having to do right now. Or maybe one causes the other or feeds into the other. I don't know.

I just don't know how to get rid of this haunting fear. It runs wild in my head at times. This and the issue of sufferieng (which I may put in another thread), because my abuser would torture me, and now I have such a fear of this happening again. I know, I have to look it straight in the eye and deal with it, but... It seems to overwhelming for me at times.

I'm sure some of you will be very matter fact about it and think it is the inevitable, so why dwell on it. Well, I know this in my intellect, but with my emotions and mind, it's a whole different ball game for me.

I try not to dwell on it, but I am haunted with how helpless one can become when they get older. I worked once in a home where the elder were being taken care of, well, they weren't really being taking care of and where mistreated, and that is a huge issue and fear of mine. I am afraid of being abandoned on the street and left to live in a card board box in the freexing cold weather.

I know, I know some of you think I'm being way too ridiculous and extreme in my thinking. However this fear so comes over me that I feel horrible anxiety. Security issues, money issues, medication issues, comfort issues, etc..

To trust someone else to care for me I am so afraid to do. I am scared of being abandoned and left to suffer and die. For me to trust that someone else will make sure I get the meds I need, my basic needs met. I know some of you think I'm being ridiculous, about it, maybe I am, but the fear practically paralyzes me.

Each year that passes by I become more and more afraid of developing some debilitating illness or disease that will bring suffering and/or pain to me. Both my mom and dad died from cancer and I really fear this happening to me.

Just watching what my parents went through, the pain, the suffering and gasping for air, Oh man, frightening to me. I would rather die than go through all that sufferring and pain.

 

[a3a2]

Hi, 2,

I don't have any advice for you, but I did want to say that I don't think you are being ridiculous. And I think you are right. Your PTSD feeds into this fear. Makes it far more difficult for you to trust. I am a spiritual person, and this eases my fears, but I don't want to push that on you. I wish I had something more to send you than hugs.

 

[ghost]

2,

What you're describing is quite common.

I remember being completely bummed out about the idea of 'getting old' before I had even hit my tenth birthday.

It was something that stayed with me for many years.

It was not until my life started to move in a positive direction and I started to engage myself in things that I enjoyed, and that were congruent with my values that my fear of old-age faded.

I think that a lot of these kinds of hang-ups manifest because are lives are not moving in the direction that we would like them to be moving in.

In my experience, trying to convince yourself that there is nothing to worry about, does not actually work. What does work is extracting as much out of life as you can, regardless of your age. That way, your mind becomes saturated with more productive and positive thoughts than who is going to be giving you a sponge bath when you’re eighty five.


The Universe is said to operate on a principle of reverberation/reciprocity (i.e. what you send out is what you get returned). From this perspective, if you want to be cared for when you are vulnerable, then you should engage yourself in caring for others. Maybe you could volunteer in a homeless shelter or a drop-in centre…

Invest in your relationships. Whether they be family or friends, invest yourself in the people that are important to you. Involve yourself in their lives; contribute where you can. The people that you take care of now, will (ideally) be the people who are there for you when you need them – If they are not, you will have a lot of ammunition to make them feel very guilty.


Adopting a spiritual perspective of things can really help as well. The essence of what we are is eternal. We are here for a short time: We’re born; we age; we get sick; we die… Probably to start the whole thing all over again at some later stage in eternity.

I recommend having a read of the Bhagavad-Gita – one of the central Hindu texts. You do not have to be religious to be inspired by it. It carries a potent message of overall hope and security, based on the eternal/infinite quality of our souls.


Nourish your spirit – that is one aspect of yourself that does not age. Be warm-hearted, caring, compassionate. That will keep you young on a deeper level, and go a long way towards preserving your mental and physical health as well.

 

[bonnecanyon]

G

I am always amazed by your posts. I know that I will either be on the floor laughing or be deeply touched. This time I am deeply touched. It's as if you were speaking directly to me. What you said is very grounding and brings me back to a "normal" perspective and a feeling of peace. I need to be reminded that the universe will provide what I need when I need it - if I remain open to it.

I had a rough week, saw my therapist on Thurs and was frustrated/angry for a day afterwards. Came to some realizations later and today feel better. If I had read this post a few days ago I may not have heard the message, but today I do.

Thanks
BC (aka bones)

 

[seaworthy]

Gee, 2not...you really wrote the words for me. I am 53 and have a thread that runs in mind all the time about getting older. There hasn't been
a time in my life that I haven't been involved in someone's brutal, long-term suffering death. I know that some of my Trauma(s) are helpless, crippled, gone people laying in their own urine with bedsores and I couldn't do anything. I really want to start a living center that is affordable and sustainable and centered around celebrating citizens with seniorities. Today though, I can't do much of anything.

I know my fears are worse because in 2005, I suffered a dissection to an artery to my brain and the idiots on this island noted that I had
seen the local psychiatrists and therefore diagnosed me of having an 'anxiety attack', when they should've Medivaced me out. I immediately
lost my vision, my ability to walk, my language skills, my coordination and felt constant vertigo. I was helpless and there was no one who could/
would care for me. This put me in another dependent relationship with an individual who had harmed me years earlier. Although I'm on disability now, I feel unable to work and see no future for myself. Plus, I tested positive for the early Alzheimer's gene.

So I'm right where you are. I am immersed in living by spiritual principles though...I don't know how else to live. I think one of the biggest
effects of my Trauma(s) is the severance of me from any kind of loving higher source that I can rely on. Everyday I get bummed though...that
my life has just been suffering and loss and that's also all I see before me and I don't have the abilities that I once had.

seaworthy

 

[midi]

Geriatrics is big business in the western world - disposable old people get sent to old age homes or live for years on life-support system, taking all kinds of pills to continue their muted existence. As a culture, we buy into it, and it eats away at us through fear and apprehension. Before the white man got to North America, people who were disabled or 'old' were able to die with dignity, without becoming a medical commodity. In China, 'old' people still exercise and eat healthy and they are still part of the extended family (same with Korea).

I have already made the choice, I want dignity in 'old' age. When my body no longer works (I already have multiple injuries do to several traumas), I'm taking off before anybody can strap me into a nursing home or pill me into a zombie.

The choice is yours, you can live in fear right now because of a maybe in the future, or you can get proactive. The doctors told me I'd have to get surgery on my spine injuries and get my wrist fused - well, I do modified yoga instead, so I proved them wrong. I know somebody else who broke her neck, and you'd never know it today. If you are afraid of it, you will become it.

 

[anthony]

Getting old actually doesn't scare me, nor death. I accepted a long time ago that death is a part of life, so is getting old. Being scared of something I didn't control only created anxiety over something that... well... I cannot control. A fact of life is that you will die. I simply had to conclude and accept the facts of life... So no, I am not worried about it, in fact at times I actually look forward to getting older, doing less and then death itself. Strange, but true.

 

[maria]

I too don't fear getting older than I am already, but I'm hoping I hold together physically and mentally. I do know a lot about services that are available to people who can't managed a well as they used to. I do know I can always get a hot meal cheap and use the senior bus to go to the senior center even if I get to the point where I can't participate in the activities as well as I might. So that's reassuring.

I especially don't fear death. I've had a tough life which continues to be tough due to my CPTSD. I'm rather looking forward to it being over.

BTW I notice you're 46. I went back to school when I was 50 and that decade (50-60) was the best of my life. So I say grab the good stuff while you can.

Maria

 

[Deleted member 541]

The only thing that bothers me about getting old, is that my body is falling apart faster than my brain.......If they both went at the same time, I wouldn't care, but having the body go, and my mind is still feeling ok, sucks.....Getting old is NOT for sissies......

 

[drum1forU]

2
I personally subscribe to the (only the good die young) and when plopped into a home for the duration of my days I plan on being as big of a pain in the A** as i can possibly muster.
If your stuck in a chair or bed its about the only REAL entertainment ;-(

I also fear it.

 

[onebravegirl]

Age equals wisdom to me. I wouldn't go back for anything. The older I get the more comfortable I have become with who I am. I am growing more beautiful, in new ways that youth cannot touch. Youth is about the outside to me. Age is about the inside. Outer beauty never did me any favours. Inner beauty I can share with others-especailly my children.
O

 

[useless]

Sometimes I almost look forward to death because the pain will be gone. I don't believe in the afterlife so I figure my atoms will continue on in some other form. Matter can not be destroyed, it only changes form. Sorry, didn't mean to get into physics and stuff.......