General Please help! he says he feels on the verge of nervous breakdown, what to do?

[Fadeaway]

Thanks for explaining because to me entitled has a different meaning. I would consider the table manners to be hypicritical not entitled.

 

[LuckiLee]

I know the stress J's job puts him under. He has to keep it together at work so when he comes home whatever he needs to do to unwind. I let him. He may want to talk, b*tch, vent, go fishing...

As for outings even if he planned it he could always back out at the last minute. I can't tell you how many times it's happened. I have absolutely NO PROBLEM if he has to cancel. He can have every intention to go but his anxiety sometimes wins out over his intentions. If I hounded him about going somewhere or tried to rush him it only ADDS stress to my guy.

You should let your hubby have an out if he needs one. Especially during the week after he comes home from work. He probably has to calm himself to be there for all of you.

It sounds like he's really struggling and feeling down about himself already. And with you telling him how he's let you down is really not helping him.

I understand you're frustrated but you have to lighten up a little bit with him. My guess is he's trying as best as he can. If you keep pushing him I'm afraid what could happen. He needs some quite down time when he gets home. Please let him have it.

Good luck with everything!

 

[Fadeaway]

@LuckiLee as a sufferer it almost brought tears to my eyes seeing that a supporter truly understand the need to cancel. I don't know about your sufferer, but I really beat my self up over my lack of consistency in being able to keep appointments. I know other sufferers get it, but seeing a supporter understand means all that much more.
Thank you! :hug:

 

[Never_falter2]

I wrote at a career board cause I wanted to help, and when my Vet learned he was devasted and afraid somebody can identify him now though I changed details and did not mention anything identifying, crying, I just wanted to help. I wish I could help.

Also the advice I received was less then helpful. So sad.

 

[LuckiLee]

You really can't help which is what makes this so hard. All you can do is support him. And that means letting him do what he needs to stabilize himself. Painting. Reading. Walking. Isolating... Bathing.

I know with my guy he doesn't want any help and he hates when (he thinks) I pity him. He had a really bad night on Wednesday and I said "my poor baby love". He got frustrated with me. He does not want anyone to feel sorry for him as that only adds more guilt and shame.

Let him come to you if he needs to share anything. Even if you ask "are you okay? This adds stress!

I hope he's feeling better now!

 

[EveHarrington]

I wrote at a career board cause I wanted to help, and when my Vet learned he was devasted and afra...

Why did you tell him?

Also, you deserve support. If he’s preventing you from getting support, that’s a problem.

 

[Never_falter2]

@LuckiLee: Maybe „My poor baby boy“ was not a good thing to say. I say like „my brave hero“ or „you are so tough, I am proud of you“. For example if he had a bad night I tell him „I am so proud of you because you had a bad night and still rise early to do sit ups, have a shower and go to work. Invictus“.
Because it really does make me proud. I think he really likes it. He hugs and kisses then and smiles a bit. I think it is he,Paul for him.

Of course it is a different culture and might not work in yours.

I think I need to check on how he is doing. Yes, it does annoy him but he is one outhouse guys who just cannot ask for help. He just cannot, he was not brought up like this. Oh, I guess I will start another thread... will be the last for a long time here cause I think I need a break.

 

[Never_falter2]

Feeling very miserable because I do not know what to do. I think there is not much I can do, is there?

 

[Sweetpea76]

You can't fix this @Never_falter. There is nothing you can do.

 

[Never_falter2]

So I discussed it with a number of persons off line (my parents) and online (multiple people) and they suggested a number of things. I think i will start reading in the therapy section here soon. I never really did that because it did not feel like my hood. It felt like it was only for ptsd sufferers but I think they will not mind me, if I start reading there, will they.
Of the things that have been suggested so far my only liked kneipp watertherapy, have to say no idea if that works for ptsd, it my Dad says it worked for depression in a guy he knows. I know that this is hardly firstline treatment. My vet already does CBT and he works out. So it could be a nice addition. My vet kneipps sometimes, but not he has never really learned anything about the science behind it or what to do, just showers his legs cold and warm, which is said to help when a person feels tired. I am not sure if kneipping is big in the US. Did any of your vets ever try? My vet thinks it is good for him and in a healthy person it does not have side effects. I think one must be careful if one has heart desease though.
I think there was another vet who mentioned he did another sort of watertherapy a while ago. Does anybody happen to remember who it was.
Yes, I do know it does not cure ptsd. I am not that foolish, but why not give it a try if that is what he likes to try and he does not want to try the other stuff and I cannot make him try stuff he does not want to give a try.

 

[Never_falter2]

Hey,
Justin case you were worried. We are okay, he is doing okay... and actually he has told me that I got him wrong and that he just said that there is the very THEORETICAL possibility he MIGHT have a nervous breakdown.
I am not sure if I really got him wrong or if he is gaslighting me but I suspect the latter.
Did not feel like I wanted to think about the topic for the last days.
Don‘t feel like writing much about it today but your opinions are still very welcome.

 

[Freida]

oh hun....I'm so sorry you are struggling with this -- and so very sad that what he is doing makes perfect sense to me. I've been reading along trying to figure out how I would explain it to hubby and I don't think I have the vocabulary. But its that instinct to hide - which also feels really shameful to a vet. So I hid in the tub, or behind my laptop, or on my patio. Hiding in plain site. And as usual until i read this thread I didn't think that was a problem for the supporters.

I think the biggest challenge is trying to find the words to tell someone what is going on. "I'm having a nervous breakdown and I'm going to shoot myself in the head if work doesn't settle down" is something I've actually said to hubby. Did I mean it? Even at the time I didn't know. But if you had asked me if I was suicidal I'd have said no. I didn't want to die. I wanted work to be better. I just didn't know how to communicate that -- until after things calmed down.

I don't know if this helps or I'm just babbling but if nothing else ...maybe it make it easier to know that my twisted little ptsd brain says his twisted little ptsd brain makes sense?