Please Help

[Paris lacey]

Hello I'm new to this I came across this when searching for help. Just hope someone can give me some advice.

I'm 19 and been with my partner for almost a year we live together. He suffers from PTSD from serving in the parachute regiment for 14 years he's 32.

Last week we had a little row and since then he hasn't spoken to me. I only figured out 4 days ago it was due to his PTSD. I kept asking him what was wrong and he kept replying **** off. Once I found out it was his PTSD I decided to go away to my parents for a few days. Since being away he hasn't replied to my texts and he has quit his job. And blames me for it. I'm due to go home tomorrow but don't know why to expect.

Please help me on how I should approach when I go home.

Thanks

 

[Paris lacey]

I don't know where to turn or what to do. If anyone could help just a little I'd really appreciate it

 

[Rumors]

PL,
I would suggest you talk to your parents about the situation. At 19, I am not sure you have the needed experience to effectively help this guy. Hell, at 41, I don't. It sounds like he needs some professional help and if he is being verbally abusive like telling you to f-off, you need to think about what is acceptable for yourself. It can only get worse from here, dear. If he blames you now, just wait til you get home and he has your full attention to bare his blame. I think I would stay put until an amicable solution comes to pass. You are in a safe place and you can always return when he becomes more amicable to deal with.

Perhaps he has a close friend that can persuade him to seek counseling? I think I would make it clear that you are not ok with him verbally attacking you to make himself feel better. He needs some help and that's ok and doesn't make him disposable or not worthy of your love. He just needs some help to work out things his mind obviously won't let him do in a productive way.

Good luck and stay safe!!!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I agree with Rumors. One hundred percent.

 

[girlshawn]

I dated a guy back from two tours in Iraq. I had no idea he had it as bad as he did and wow in our 18 months together it was a pure nightmare.

My fear for you says stay away. I'm not there and don't know all the details. But Roger use to say and do almost the exact same thing to me.

I still wish I knew now back then so I could have helped him. Honestly. Protect yourself and know your boundaries first. Then decide how much you can give also does he want the help? From the wording I'm guessing you guys aren't in the USA so I don't know those rules for getting someone help where you are.

Arm yourself with knowledge. That will help most. Best of luck.

 

[Sues]

I agree that you should stay with your parents for now. Let him know that he needs to contact you when he's ready. I agree that he should seek help. If he's verbally abusive to you, he may escalate.

One of the bad things about PTSD is not having control over behaviors. Doing something to hurt someone even when they don't want to, but can't stop themselves.

 

[IndigoButterfly]

What a frustrating and upsetting situation for you to be in. I am also 19, Paris. And I have to admit that even though I've dealt with alot in my life for my age I really don't think this is a situation you should have to be dealing with. I am a sufferer and I know how difficult emotions can be to deal with,and whether we want to or not we can push people away from us when we need them most - BUT there is a point where we all have to be responsible for our own actions and this is something your partner needs to do. He cannot blame you for his issues and quitting his job, how is that your fault?

And you are being extremely loving to even be on here trying to find support on how to make the situation better and understand him, but it seems like he is not making effort on his part and like with any relationship (with or without PTSD) both partners have to work at a relationship for it to go anywhere. I also agree staying with your parents a bit longer is a good idea, maybe give him a text or send a letter (more personal, it depends on your partner) let him know you are looking for ways to help and that you are willing to listen and understand. But you must also let him know that you do not deserve to be treated like scapegoat and he is going to need to work at this too,starting with communicating.

PTSD does affect emotions very strongly, it is best he calms down and accepts you are not to blame before you go back to him as you could get a not very pleasant welcome when you arrive home and you do not deserve that. He has had his space, it's time for him to do something about this. Also..at 32, he needs to act his age in this relationship and be mature enough to work through this,his past is not YOUR fault. I know you only want to help, but if he is not willing then do not allow yourself to become hurt and feel guilty for this situation which isn't even your fault. Look after yourself,I hope it works out for you.

 

[CrazyHorse]

IndigoButterfly, I have to comment: Brilliant, simply brilliant advice!