PHP has been interesting. As the newbie I’m kind of on the outskirts of the group. Not that I mind, really. Day 1 I sat there and thought “I shouldn’t be here, I’m doing so much better than everyone else.” Day 2 I sat there and thought “I shouldn’t be here, I’m doing so much worse than everyone else.”
One guy actually came up to me and apologized for the group essentially ignoring me, because as he says, it’s a great group of people. Again, I really don’t mind because I want to just isolate anyway. Hiding in plain sight is something I have excelled at over the years.
I just want to go back to isolating. I want to drink so bad but I know it puts me in a bad place. I want to take pills so bad. I walked out of the hospital with a bottle of 99 “XXX” pills (that can take me to a happy sleepy place), filled by the hospitals pharmacy. I have NO idea how/why this happened when one of the bottles I walked in with was “XXX” medication of my own (filled by my regular pharmacy), AND they let me use another one of the meds that I walked in with (upon pharmacy verification). I constantly want to scream “this is why America has a drug problem!!!!” because seriously it’s so damn easy to get whatever pills you want, from whatever doctor. And sometimes you don’t even ask for the pills but they just drop in your lap.
But I digress.
I’m binging on AHS right now and won’t do anything stupid because I have to get dinner at some point.