Positive Self-talk To Manage Anxiety.

[GreenFrog2]

Hi all,

I am really struggling to talk positively to myself when I am anxious, and thought that I would ask if anyone has specific things they say to them self when anxious, that help them to self-sooth?

I usually wake up in the small hours of the morning (3.30am is the most common at the moment) anxious and having suicidal thoughts - and the two just seem to feed each other!

Any simple sayings or statements would be great to hear. I am currently using "I don't need to be afraid anymore" and it helps during the day, but I have not been able to bring the thought to the front of my mind when I wake up as yet!

Many thanks, GF2.

 

[Dorri]

It's not a saying or statement but I found that keeping a small collection of pictures that remind you of safety, warmth and/or love can help, especially when I struggle to bring words to mind - I just open my pocket photo-album and there it is.

Also making it is good! I have a small album that lives with me (in my handbag, on my bedside table etc) and I have a door covered in pictures. This way friends, safety and inspiration are always close at hand because sometimes it is very difficult for me to bring words convincingly to mind, but a while looking at my pictures makes it easier for me.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My fridge is covered with magnets with sayings that cheer me up. When I am anxious I tell myself that I will not fail. I do accomplish alot of things with anxiety. I hate the anxiety. It drives me up the wall. I do things with anxiety. I force myself to do them. It has an ebb and a flow. It passes sometimes. I watch it. But when I have it, I like to do nothing but veg. I rest and relax. It makes me feel terrible, but feelings are not facts. I wish you well with yours. I like the idea of having pictures up. I look at my pictures I have up. They cheer me up.

 

[maddog]

I think it can take a lot of time and patient repetition before you're able to bring a lot of the coping and soothing statements and thoughts to mind when you're really distressed. It's so much easier to do this when you're calm, such as during the day... and so much harder to do it when you are genuinely distressed, such as during the night.

So I like Dorri's idea of pre-preparing some soothing and calming visual stimuli that you can easily look at in the meantime. Obviously photos can be very powerful, and I've also had success in writing out coping statements, calming thoughts, and even the names and phone numbers of a trusted person/people, just to remind me not only of their existence, but also that I can contact someone for help if I really need to. Often, just reminding myself that I can, is enough to ensure that I don't have to.

In terms of actual statements, I find it really important to remind myself that the horrible memories and images which have caused my distress are not real, are not happening now, and are all in the past. Reminding myself that they are just memories and that they can't hurt me anymore is important. It's also important to give yourself validation for the pain, whilst also reminding yourself that your feelings aren't reality.

"These memories are really distressing and upsetting and I wish I didn't have them. But they are just memories, they aren't happening now and they can't hurt me anymore. I'm feeling upset because I'm remembering times when I wasn't safe, but now I am safe, and I know this because..." (that's where it can help to look at pictures of safe people, phone numbers etc, in addition to the usual sensory grounding strategies of getting in touch with your immediate environment through touch, sound, sight etc.

I know how tough and seemingly hopeless it can feel, but there really is hope if you keep experimenting to find those statements or pictures or other stimuli that really resonate with you and can reach you through your distress. I still struggle a lot with this, so I can empathise with your situation.

Let us know how you go and if any of our suggestions work for you, or alternatively if you have others, as I'm sure many of us are always looking for new and novel grounding and self soothing strategies...

Maddog

 

[Sailorgal]

I often tell myself, "I feel this way (whatever it is), but the TRUTH is..."

The truth I'm referring to are FACTS of the situation. I know I will feel a certain way due to past trauma and PTSD, BUT it doesn't mean that the situation was meant to be hurtful or anxiety causing.

Example: I feel unmotivated and depressed trying to find a job.

Response: "I feel depressed like I'm not good enough after getting rejection emails as I've been looking for a job for so long. The truth is I AM qualified. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have colleagues and customers recommending me. These are just JOBS and they don't define ME or my self worth."

 

[anni]

Everyone's different- I'm scattered enough to be able to 'knee-jerk' phrases, if that makes any sense ( Don't really have to have an organized arsenol.... ) Have to be- tend to literally begin them sometimes as soon as consciousness hits in the morning, or middle of the night- as you say. It's kind of a MUST for me- crowding out the babble of worry, or negative thoughts which begin that stupid, stupid loop. I DO have a general, positive affirmation I made up yearssss ago, it's nicely automatic so 'works', you could try having one of those. The " I Am.... thing ". ( I am Strong and Happy and Positive and Joyful and Protected and Grateful, for example. ) Or revert to simple prayers, also handy and helpful, plus comforting. Or simple songs, good ones with great messages- might start it's own loop ( stuck in your head ) but better than the panic! :)

Also sometimes say ' Bless the world and all your creatures, today and everyday '. Just kind of a nice thought to wake up to, directs my head ' up' and 'out '.

I personally have to stay away from ' I am NOT' statements, only 'cos of the way my head functions. It would cause me to start thinking in the negative, who knew?

Just thought I'd add what's been helpful for my own head, gosh, know what you're talking about but like I said, we're all pretty different. You've gotten a lot of feedback with this, hope some Peace happens for you. Do take care.

 

[NarcSis]

Hard to think when waking up from a nightmare - ground yourself. Stickers on the wall near the bed are good, maybe shiny ones or even a wall border with puppies or cats or something cute/soothing. They also have wall decorations that say things like "Peace" or "Love" or "Laughter" that could help.

Children's night light - I wanted one of those projection lamps that puts stars on the ceiling but I couldn't find one.

Soft instrumental music plays constantly while I sleep, helps if I wake up afraid.

Once the 'scaries wear off only then can I say, "Just a dream, nothing more, just a dream, I'm here, safe and THIS is real" and I'll touch something soft - teddy bear, polar fleece blanket, whatever you have that's comforting.

I'm 40 and I've been sleeping with a teddy bear for 4 years - it helps and hubby thinks its cute. :)

 

[Hashi]

I am currently using "I don't need to be afraid anymore" and it helps during the day, but I have not been able to bring the thought to the front of my mind when I wake up as yet!

I like the suggestions above of having visual cues or things to touch nearby.

In that type of situation I'd tend to play a guided relaxation/affirmations rather than try to come up with words myself. Of course, you have to think to put it on play, but that's learned behaviour for me now! Other than that, it means you don't have to come up with words yourself. Also, you can have a bit of transition time processing the difficult thoughts you were having while it plays in the background and goes into your subconscious, until you can move your conscious mind away from the anxiety thoughts and more towards the relaxation. I've re-recorded mine so the initial relaxation part repeats about six times before the affirmations, for this reason.

Also, just an idea, but thoughts that are worded only in the positive can be strong and have a direct effect. Do you also have phrases that say what you are, now that you don't need to be afraid? For example, "I am always calm", "I am capable" and "I am safe"?

 

[GreenFrog2]

just an idea, but thoughts that are worded only in the positive can be strong and have a direct effect.

Thanks for this suggestion - I am going to the "I am safe" bit as it does sound more powerful.

I do try to remember to put on my guided meditation, but am still getting into it being automatic learned behavior!

 

[chw52]

What I say to myself, is just because you fear it doesn't mean it is there.

May not work for anyone else, but I find it helpful.

 

[rightkindofme]

I say, "You are stronger than them." At this point I'm not in a good position to be a victim anymore. It feels good.

 

[who am i kim]

I use "It's ok, it's ok" to soothe myself. It's alright, it's alright" is another one. They help me. They are my best two and the ones that i can think of at the moment.

For suicidal stuff, besides my bed I laminated an A4 piece of paper with a picture of a nice flower and then typed "Be Safe Kim" in large letters then put the names of people to call when I am that close to doing something to harming myself. These people are my support team. Then I put on the bottom of the paper "They all Love you." You could also do up a card like a business card to keep on yourself when you need help at anytime. My therapist said that I could put both her phone numbers on it.

The other thing I do when my head gets in a crazy mess at 3am is go and have a cuppa tea and either do a crossword or color a picture, both of these zone me out until my head calms down. Find something that will take your mind off the madness.