Prayer Requests

[Friday]

as obviously her will was to stay despite her sufferings or the deterioration

Not obviously.

People/Animals in tremendous pain can burn off 10x a dose that would kill or OD a healthy person/animal.

That it took so much more medication than was expected? Speaks to profound suffering, far more than it speaks to the will to live. Her fighting spirit? Is shown here through retrospect; at how well, for how long, she kept on keeping on. Until it was too much. At which point everyone found out how much bigger the battle she’s been fighting really was.

It’s confirmation of making the right call. Not the wrong one.

 

[8888]

@Rosebud So sorry for your loss!

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @8888 .

That it took so much more medication than was expected? Speaks to profound suffering, far more than it speaks to the will to live. Her fighting spirit? Is shown here through retrospect; at how well, for how long, she kept on keeping on. Until it was too much. At which point everyone found out how much bigger the battle she’s been fighting really was.

Thank you for your perspective @Friday , but will agree with the vet(s) and agree to disagree with you on this one, though that would be true for owners unaware of their dog and their nature and history or minimizing or ignorant of their conditions, but not after 50 years of owning dogs, and being in health care, and living with severe chronic pain and issues ourselves. She came severly abused and pregnant, they expected to euthanize her because she was so shut down. Never had one issue with her hiding or running away (or not eating or not doing her business, or not coming when she was called (- all things she was initially terrified of), was expected she would require being tethered. Went everywhere, shopping, walking, camping, trips, vacations, up to New Year's. Used to squeeze herself out of a 6 inch window of a truck or car tand jump down to follow you across the lot and in to the store. (Don't know how she got her head through.) As her condition presented and eventually worsened, made her a wheelchair, carried her, repositioned her,made her ramps, anticipated her every sound. Still did her business outside and still walked on 2 legs assisted up to a month ago, still camped in October. Though dogs do not vocalize chronic pain, pulling most of her pain meds actually resulted in restoring her stopping crying and sleeping peacefully through most nights, and bought a few months, though she would still wimper all night if not sleeping in the same room. She never exhibited depression, still squeeking her toys, eating, vocalizing and being thoroughly excited, happy and always waiting one's return (esp my sister, as her sun and moon rose around her). Managed to prevent nearly all skin breakdown, and all UTI's or infections. I understand for most/ many dogs, what you've said is the case, and the unawareness of their owners is great. But one look at her or interpreting her sound(s) from experience and frankly knowing her thoughts (or priorities) intimately that was obvious. She would drop playing with dogs or eating in a heartbeat to get to my sister, scale a 6 foot straight fence if you didn't stop her to get to her. On the 1st day (crated) at 50 lbs she squeezed herself through steel locked bars to get to me, and sat waiting wagging while I was bringing tha laundry up. The only vestige that remained in her life was she was terrified with T-storms, backfires and fireworks, would at 80 lbs remove and try to crawl down the flloor vent. Yesterday if she thought (like most German Shepherds) you were moving an inch, she was coming with you. She, unfortunately, was neither resigned nor depressed. Her pain wasn't greater than her desire to be with my sister esp. We simply wanted to prevent what was coming and the suffering it would bring her, and the knowledge of the fear and terror it caused her if she needed something like repositioning when we had to be at work. For her part, she was still trying to make us laugh that same morning.

(// Sorry for the lrngth. Hard for me to explain it in a shorter way.)

The only thing I can say, is that that morning when we were all in bed a wind-up Christmas ornament my mom gave over 25 years ago decided to play it's tune, start to finish.

 

[Tinyflame]

ETA, you know how dogs act when somebody returns from a deployment? She acted that way when my sister returned from the garage in 30 seconds Everyone thought she was a young dog that had had an accident to see her. Maybe she never took it for granted the love and safety would last.

 

[AMusingChickadee]

That's so kind @AMusingChickadee , thank you. Tbh, awful. We put down our handicapped dog today. The sedative was supposed to take 5 minutes (said 99% of dogs would be asleep at 1/2 that dose in 5 minutes), took 55 minutes plus intravenous, then lethal injection which wasn't all not-painful. Likely wrong choice as sister said later it feels like, "What have we done??!". Idk. Just wonder if we should have left when sedative didnt work, as obviously her will was to stay despite her sufferings or the deterioration. Atm life feels awful and confusing and pointless. Just got off a highway in a near blizzard a couple of hours ago.

Oh @Rosebud I’m so sorry to hear this. I can’t even imagine. I understand the conflicting emotions and never-ending questions and thoughts. Sometimes I think in situations like that, no matter which option we choose, we’re always going to be left wondering if we picked the right path for one reason or another. It’s so hard to predict all the possible effects, and “easy” to judge ourselves harshly in retrospect. From my outside perspective, I read everything you did for your pup - and all the stories you shared in other posts - with such incredible love. I can tell how much you loved each other.

I hope you’ve been safe in that blizzard!

 

[AMusingChickadee]

To anyone reading this thread today, I want to send you a little energy today. I have been doing ok lately and have some extra to share for anybody who needs it. Whether it’s prayer, thoughts, virtual hugs - I believe there is power to sending your energy to someone else. It’s not even specific to any particular religious belief, but I do think that energy is real. Even if it’s just the power of someone knowing that for one moment in time, they were in another persons thoughts. For just a moment in time, we are not alone. We never know the ripple effect one seemingly insignificant action can have on a stranger. Sending you all hugs and love.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you , you are so kind @AMusingChickadee . Yes, there was no good choice to choose from.

But I know she'd have died for me or any one of us in a heartbeat to save or protect us, and I would like to think I certainly would have for her if it was needed. Which I guess, sums it up.

Now what, Idk. I feel pretty alone. And pretty hopeless, tbh.

 

[AMusingChickadee]

Thank you , you are so kind @AMusingChickadee . Yes, there was no good choice to choose from.

But I know she'd have died for me or any one of us in a heartbeat to save or protect us, and I would like to think I certainly would have for her if it was needed. Which I guess, sums it up.

Now what, Idk. I feel pretty alone. And pretty hopeless, tbh.

Just sitting with you quietly and offering hugs, if you’d like some.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @AMusingChickadee I'd be honored.

I've come to the conclusion some people, and animals love more passionately than others, or they are given reason to. I suppose less caring = less loss, but at what price? Just as I think it's very different for a cop and their K9 partner, or a therapy dog and their person, or the differences between people.

I think ot comes down to how invested one is, or not..

Thank you for your prayers and support and kindness @AMusingChickadee . Hugs a k to you.

 

[Tinyflame]

Oops sorry, should say hugs also to you!

 

[8888]

To anyone reading this thread today, I want to send you a little energy today. I have been doing ok lately and have some extra to share for anybody who needs it. Whether it’s prayer, thoughts, virtual hugs - I believe there is power to sending your energy to someone else. It’s not even specific to any particular religious belief, but I do think that energy is real. Even if it’s just the power of someone knowing that for one moment in time, they were in another persons thoughts. For just a moment in time, we are not alone. We never know the ripple effect one seemingly insignificant action can have on a stranger. Sending you all hugs and love.

Thank you, back at ya!

 

[Tinyflame]

I was thinking of something @AMusingChickadee that I wanted to say, I want not to just thank you for your prayers and kindness, but also something else I realized today, and it has more to do with your choice, and your being:

I had to work, and intended to say little re: the dog. When I did say to one I've known for 10 years and the family a few years more, and showed up to funerals for, (that also goes to the same church), she said "I thought she got her leg amputated! And we said why spend money on a dog like that??!" And then she had hysterical laughter with a co-worker there about it. (And she said I had said it, which was of course ridiculous gossip- and they gossip continually. I've been pregnant. Twice. - not at the same time, lol) That's how I started my shift. Needless to say, amongst many other comments, But they (the workers- 50 and 60 year olds) were all flying high today. I thought to myself in a few hours, I remembered they were all quite heartless when my sister died too, repeating "how was your vacation? -Oh ya, right". Or, 'well that's good, she had it easy' (after getting diagnosed with cancer in her 30's and having it return 4 times, and 20 years of treatments)." Etc. Or the people in their care, 'What does it matter if someone is (left) dirty'. And I thought especially of a kind stranger after my dad died, or a mentally challenged person also after my dad died who I am thinking of now (which was enough to cause me revulsion to going in to genetic counselling). Which I have no doubt all of which, or losses past, cumulate and remind to me in my mind atm, or the thought that what's the point of love or life at all when there is pain. And (but) so I didn't feel so badly by their behaviours or comments for the rest of today. The old saying used to be No sense, No feeling.

And so I had what a man I know said was an epiphany, but of a wholly different kind than he had: I thought of the saying, ~"He who is faithful in small things will be trusted with large". And I believe that applies to genuine faithfulness, kindness, patience, compassion, fidelity, you name it, fill in the blank. Because I think it is a choice, made over and over and over with small things. And not choosing it is a free choice too, but if that's the case eventually, maybe sooner than later, even the large events that would elicit or require compassion, etc, no longer genuinely do. That is my epiphany. I am no gem, but I don't want to die heartless. I'd acrually rather be dead than heartless, painful as having a heart is. Our dog had the biggest heart. Her bags were packed whether she lived until 10 or 11, or 2.

The 2snd epiphany I had was simply the realization that being surrounded by that, bleeds in to other areas of my life. Then people who aren't as*holes so to speak, get treated like they are. There's no shorter way to say it.

Thank you. I hope that makes sense. I appreciate and value who you are, and what it took to make you the person you are today. Hugs (again) to you,.