Psychotic Episodes

[Upside Down Eagle]

Hey peeps (I hope it's okay to call you that),

I've written here before about my "daymeres", images of being chased and abused by one of my parents. I've told my therapist about it and she told me to switch from EMDR to a specialized trauma centrum. I've said that before too, but just to provide context. The thing is the day before yesterday the "visions" went into fourth gear while I was on a trip to the supermarket.

I couldn't recognize the sound of the wind. It was a weird, surreal sound, as was everything else. My mind was stuck in nightmare -land as I moved through the world, I was aware that people were there but they seemed mere illusions. The nightmare had become more real than the world around me. I believed that there was a random dude following me on purpose as I walked the isles.

This morning I had another one, where the nightmare just obscured my mind completely like a huge toxic cloud. spoiler alert for LOTR fans who haven't seen the Hobbit II (a bit like in the Desolation of Smaug, the scene where gandalf challenges sauron. I have to deal myself quite an amount of pain to get rid of the hallucinations.

I went to the doc, told her about the episodes, she gave me a higher dose of antipsychotics and tranquilizers, which help a bit, but I spend the entire day sleeping. At night I wake up and try to distract myself from my own head, try to eat and drink. Which is difficult because my brain connects eating and drinking to the nightmeres.

Anyway I was wondering if there's other people here who have gone psychotic for a while. I'd like to know whether you had tools to deal with it. Tools to make you come back to reality. I'll be going to the trauma center soon, going to ask my therapist to get me a referral today.

 

[Life_in_the_Mist]

I have trauma issues and sometimes my anxiety progresses to psychosis. What I was taught to do is when I feel something like that coming on, to engage my senses in a soothing pleasurable way--I have carried a small aromatherapy pillow to smell, a smooth cool rock to feel, a bag of dried beans to run my hands through (maybe you don't want to go that far!)

The point is to ground and relax yourself, respecting that your psychosis is coming from dissociation and anxiety. I am on antipsychotics as well but honestly they will only get you so far. In addition to meds for me I was able to work with my psychosis in non-medical ways.

Another thing that helps is to try and not fear it, to accept it is your mind's way for communicating pain.

I currently have psychosis pretty well under control without having to go on a second antipsychotic as my p was suggesting.

 

[Hashi]

I'm a bit taken aback in relation to myself and what you've written. I used to experience things like this a lot. Is this psychosis? I suppose it is but I've never thought of it like that.

I'm going to say what I always say - what works for me is psychic protection. Especially visualisation, but also connecting to being in charge of my own mind. I used to declare that a lot, strongly, even fiercely - used to tell the hallucinations/images/daymares that I was in control of my mind, not them.

I dion't know the Hobbit film so I just looked at the clip on You Tube. Spoiler: Interesting that Sauron tells Gandalf there is no light that can defeat darkness. I disagree. Light is one of my most powerful visualisations. I don't use the word defeat but I do use the word vanquish.

 

[macca]

I'm glad you found out what the daymeres were, and that you've had some relief from them! LifeintheMist's suggestion of accepting where it's coming from and grounding sound like great suggestions.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I suppose it is but I've never thought of it like that.

A psychosis is when you lose touch with reality and hallucinations take over... most of the time I still know that the hallucinations are untrue, but when I have an episode they become the only reality. The outside world becomes a twilight zone, I am still aware of the people in it but they are mere shadows, they barely touch upon consciousness when I am in that state. The only thing I am aware of in that moment are the visions in my head of people purposefully hunting me down in order to hurt me.

I can tell you it is hell, but then you probably know because you were there. It is like being thrown in the midst of a nightmare-come-alive. I have to keep hissing "you are not real, this is all just a bad dream, the outside world is the real one" all day long to keep it out of my head, and when that approach fails to work I am left to fight the battle in my head... a battle with visions in which somebody (my dad) wants me dead, ultimately wants to be victorious over me (which means a situation in which I take my own life).

I've been offered to be taken into a crisis centrum but I don't trust those. When I was in group theraphy, somebody went into a crisis centrum and she took her own life there. Also I don't like people, much less those patronizing a**holes that psychiatric doctors often are (in my experience). Halfway my pyschosis, I can only think that they are evil, a grotesque puppet show where they pretend to want to help me, but in reality they want to hurt me just like the images in my head.

The point is to ground and relax yourself, respecting that your psychosis is coming from dissociation and anxiety.

Thanks Life in the Mist, those are helpful tips. I have dissociated before, but it was always pleasant. It was always a state of mind in which I just floated above things, in which I didn't have to feel the pain. This seems the exact opposite. It's so excruciating, every freaking hour is another challenge to survive myself. I have mailed my therapist just now also asking for her advice on what to do.

I used to declare that a lot, strongly, even fiercely - used to tell the hallucinations/images/daymares that I was in control of my mind, not them

I do this too, but sometimes I am so anxious that I forget to. Thank you for reminding me of it! I also tell him that this is my body... my life, my food and I will do with all of it whatever I please... the thing is that it keeps coming back, thousands upon thousands of times. It's like Gandalf's struggle all the time, with the energy-field-bubbles.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Well it's not really a flashback, because what I see never really happened to me. And also because of the distortions around me, I thought it was a pyschotic episode, believing that people were following me, believing that people in hospitals are just putting up a puppet show, and such... when I'm in a normal phase I can still think more or less clearly. Maybe it's just attacks where all my normally -not-so-present fears are drifting to the surface... I'll look for your thread, thanks :)