ED Ptsd & eating disorders

[MomOfTwo]

I posted about Vitamin D levels elsewhere but to follow up on one of my posts here is my vitamin D level did come back extremely low that I have been prescribed massive doses for the next couple of months.

I did a little reading on it and vitamin D levels can affect weight loss, insomnia, cognition, anxiety and so many other symptoms that people with depression or PTSD experience. They say it being low increases your chances of cancer and other autoimmune diseases.

I have been struggling with eating for several weeks now and yesterday ate two pieces of cake. I always feel guilty and then restrict. I have put on 3 pounds in the last two weeks and feel a bit guilty about it. With my birthday and valentines day there were too many celebrations which included some not so healthy foods. I am not overweight but just feel it. It is funny though how my girlfriend thinks I am way too thin and my two male friends think I am fine. My therapist told me to check my bmi and I was 17.7. My husband had some friends over so all of us were checking our bmi's online. This got started after my normally very thin male friend has put on some weight and he was being teased a bit and he said his bmi was fine. Of course we all checked. His bmi ended up being 21 which is normal. My husband's is 40 which is extremely obese. Despite me being considered underweight my male friends think I look good.

I did go to the health food store to buy some stuff to boost my immune system because I am always sick but now that I have found out my D levels are extremely low it may have contributed to my low immunity levels.

If anyone has not checked out their D levels it maybe something to ask your doctor. It is linked to so many things that are depression related as well.

 

[Britt.f7]

My D levels are always better in the summer when I am usually out and about in the sun doing gardening. Winter time is horrible, and so is it when my anxiety keeps me indoors for extended periods of time.

I do not know my BMI nor do I want to. It would just put me in a tailspin and I already know I'm overweight. Working on doing something about it.

I have noticed, though, now that I am suppose to write down what I eat on a daily basis I want to eat more and worse stuff. I don't always but I want to. Of course, I haven't written anything down. I definitely think this control thing is going into overdrive.

Whether I eat or not, I find it to be a comfort to me. It's one of the few things I have control over. Now if I could just learn not to go to the extreme or rebel I'd be doing fine.

 

[Springer80]

Some of the latest research on anorexia, obtained via the European Society for Trauma and Dissociation...

19505517-New-insights-into-symptoms-and-neurocircuit-function-of-anorexia-nervosa.pdf

 

[Maggiemay]

I made the mistake of looking up my BMI yesterday, which, as expected, is in normal range (21). But, what I then realised was I need to loose another stone and a half to reach the bottom of the healthy range. This is a recipe for disaster for me - I've worked really hard since I lost all my extra weight between may & November last yr due to acid reflux. I lost 3 stone in total very quickly (the GP now weighs me as I lost one of those stones in less than 2 weeks & hw realised this - oops!)

Now I know I still have at least another stone I could loose healthily, I'm not working so hard to keep my weigh where it was... I lost 4lbs a couple of weeks ago & fought against myself to put it back on, but next time I loose, so be it, which I'm bound to do if I go back to work next week and continue my restrictive diet

. I can't believe in a year how the tables have turned - I well and truly live life in the extremes...

 

[Abstract]

Gosh I wish I had the brain capacity and energy to answer every of one you. Damn I hate ED's. They suck the life out of us and the pain involved is debilitating. And they manipulate us so easily. As if it isn't hard enough to deal with PTSD and relationships etc without having to battle so with giving ourselves appropriate nutrition and fluids.

I feel so much for all of you and for your stories.

 

[MaggieMoto]

I have been diagnosed with a form of Hypothyroidism that can be kept in check by a very healthy, VERY RESTRICTIVE diet plus regular exercise. This is great news, because at its worst, my disease sometimes leaves me bedridden, and I have a family to support. The problem? I am an emotional overeater / binge eater and PTSD sufferer with almost no other coping skills! I am scared, but determined I will not lose my life as I know it and become chronically ill.

I am so glad to have found this forum. I have never joined an online community before. I am humbled, inspired, saddened and encouraged by all of your posts. Thank you all for having the courage to help one another, and me. I am taking baby steps because posting my feelings and thoughts about all this feels overwhelming and so foreign to me after a lifetime of shame and privacy about my ED. So, I'm not sure how to go about this with grace or anything like it, but I am committed to stumbling along and hopefully finding relief along the way.

Again, thank you all for being open and honest enough to inspire me to finally begin to take off my mask and begin to heal.

 

[lightfoot]

HI makes sense, I had an ED years ago but Ive always suffered with being sick, not eating for days, sometimes weeks.

Lately I have been so sick Ive been throwing up blood, Ive had biopsys, scans etc so far they show nothing, interestingly this resurfaced when my dog was ill and when he died, it broke my heart and I havent eaten a full meal or kept warm food down since, this was in october.
Ive been convinced all along it was anxiety over my dog and the added stresses that Ive had along with PTSD.

If Im truthful, the ED I had when I was young started after a trauma, nothing to do with my family, they're the salt of the earth but for certain reasons I could not admit to the particular trauma or speak about it to anyone and I think the only control I had really was food so I think I chose not to eat to control other feelings and surpress them.

I managed to get rid of my ED or so I thought I had all by myself but if Im honest it does come back with a vengence every now and then. I think at the moment Im in permanent self destruct mode, I understand the dangers, I know Im not helping myself but sometimes , well most of the time I really cant help it, food doesnt appeal to me or if I do eat it, it stays there mor literally seconds, never more than 10 mins and up it comes.

Sometimes Im glad I cant manage to eat anything, doent know why but Im happy with the odd cuppa soup every couple of days or so.

 

[therapybankrupt]

I have never actually been given the diagnosis but I can lose and gain twenty to forty pounds in a six month period usually. I have been yo yo dieting plus maintaining excessive weight for about fourteen years. I am a serious emotional eater. Yet I can restrict to almost nothing for months at a time. I guess I need to get this under control soon. Because every time I say this is it I am going to be healthy.

I fall prey to the sweet gods and binge away. I am laughing but it is not funny it is detrimental to my health to do this to my body. I think some times it is a way to protect myself from anyone looking at me and other times I do it as self punishment. I now have a thyroid problem cause of all my nonsense. I feel for all who have written above it is a tough thing to deal with. :hug:

Tb

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

This post might sound weird but I've got to get this off of my chest. I've posted here before stating that I haven't been diagnosed with an eating disorder although I did have a therapist once who said that I have "disordered eating". I was evaluated for anorexia when my now ex husband insisted I needed help. This was years ago. The lady said she couldn't diagnose me because I wasn't 70lbs. She said I had many of the symptoms and that I basically had the mindset and many of the qualifying symptoms though. I was frustrated.

I don't want to be anorexic. I also don't want to gain weight. It's almost like a fear of me gaining weight. I'm not underweight but I've starved 19 pounds off of myself this past year and a half. I know that's not a lot of weight at a fast rate of speed. I'm chasing that last pound to make it 20 pounds. I know I won't stop there. It's a slippery slope for me.

I have chronic pain so exercise is almost impossible for me. So I'm not doing excessive amounts of that. I blatantly ignore my hunger and go all day without eating until dinner time on a pretty regular basis. Even then I pay close attention to how much I eat and I make it a point to not clean my plate. Sometimes I hide my food under my napkin and then throw it away.

The other day my sister took a picture of me. I hate having my picture taken. I had let her to do it though because she was on vacation and I figured eh ok I guess so. When I saw the picture I was surprisingly happy because my eyes went right to my thighs. I could see that they're thinner. All I keep thinking when I think about that picture is how it won't take much more to get them smaller. People keep telling me I'm skinny. I'm loving it. The only thing is people are asking me what I'm doing to lose weight. I keep dodging the answer.

I noticed my jeans are too loose again and someone suggested I might have dropped another size. I have so many conflicting feelings. I'm scared of gaining weight. I'm not wanting to hurt my body. I'm wanting the numbers on the scale to keep going down. It's a mad cycle. So back to my original point. No I don't want to be anorexic but I do want to be thinner. I've figured out that if I'm skinny it doesn't draw attention to me. I can virtually hide in a crowd. And not attract attention. I feel so screwed up in the head about it. Does anyone else go through anything like this?

 

[MomOfTwo]

This post might sound weird but I've got to get this off of my chest. I've posted here before stating that I haven't been diagnosed with an eating disorder although I did have a therapist once who said that I have "disordered eating". I was evaluated for anorexia when my now ex husband insisted I needed help. This was years ago. The lady said she couldn't diagnose me because I wasn't 70lbs. She said I had many of the symptoms and that I basically had the mindset and many of the qualifying symptoms though. I was frustrated.

You do not have to have anorexia to have an eating disorder. I believe you can be classified as something like EDNOS. Which stands for Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. It can have some of the criteria but not all for anorexia or bulimia. People can as well be self-harmers by denying themselves food in order to numb their feelings.

I was diagnosed anorexic years ago and am now 103 pounds at five foot 4. Normally I am a slim 117-120 pounds. I struggle off and on and am in struggling mode. I have lost quite a bit of weight and my friends and husband worry. Anorexia really sucks and I think what was my instrument of change decades ago was how horrible I felt. My body ached. I was down to 87 pounds. I knew I could die. I changed my focus. I focused on school a pushed myself through the negative thoughts around food. It took me a few years to get to a normal weight but I was proud of myself for it.

I just dissociate so much in my body that my awareness of hunger is sometimes absent. I have to remind myself that it is the afternoon and I still have not eaten. I am worse when my kids are in school. At meals I wish for them to see me eat. I do not want them to see me not eating. I wish more than anything that my struggle with anorexia does not become theirs. It is a lonely place.

I had group therapy years ago for an eating disorder but know that my therapists probably realize it is an issue now but do not focus on it. I have been told it is a way people use to self-harm as well. I know I have issues with feeling I deserve food at times as well. They are focussed on coping and grounding methods which will probably in turn make my eating better. Is not getting a diagnosis hindering your recovery? I truly don't believe you need a eating disorder diagnosis to be helped. I found in my group therapy they taught you to be accountable for what you ate. A food diary and feelings around food. You can create a diary and show your doctor or therapist.

I don't know if any of what I said was helpful. I think a eating disorder gives you an irrational view that you are in control and at first you may think you are and in the end it controls you and everything you do. It becomes more important than your health, your husband, your family, your friends. It is not fun.

 

[Britt.f7]

I remember crying because I weighed 100 pounds(how horrific). Now I weigh 100 pounds more. No one understands that I am still, in my mind, that girl crying over weighing hundred lbs.

 

[Away From The Sun]

I don't have an ED but I am usually a bit paranoid about my weight. When I get I really stressed out, I drop into the 80s (I undereat). I start to feel like crap and "fat" if I weigh over 95 (that's on the lowest end of my BMI). I also only tend to drink up to 16 oz of liquid a day (on a really good day 24 oz) due to my trauma.

I am sure that if I didn't love food so much, I would have developed anorexia.