I have been reading the forums and found very little talk of a sudden loss of a child. I found my son dead on the floor of his room. He died of SUDEP which is where a seizure kills you. He was 15 at the time. I was wondering if there was others who might have had such a loss and is suffering PTSD from it.
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Ptsd, I Found My Son Dead
- Post starter JD99501
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simplekindofgirl
Platinum Member
JD99501- I am so sorry for your loss. There is a lot of wonderful information within these pages, and it will hopefully help you to find comfort and peace once again.
Phoenix_Rising
Platinum Member
I haven't experienced this my self, I have a 13 year old, but as soon as I saw the title of your post I had to answer you. I am so, so, so , so very sorry for your loss.
I know that probably does not help you much but my heart just aches for you, I cannot begin to imagine what that must be like to lose your child in such a horrific and unexpected way.
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, and I hope that you can find some very much needed help and support here. I also have a history of seizures and my first one resulted in status epilepticus and lasted 45 minutes (which was finally ended due to hospital intervention) so unfortunately my experience is on the other side of the equation, and I was extremely lucky.
These forums, I have found, to be very supportive and I think you will be able to find support and help here. But there must also be places (in real life as well as online) for people who have lost their children, where you could find a more specific understanding as well from people who have also suffered the sudden death of a child. I really, despite all the various traumas in my background, cannot think of anything worse than this.
...I hesitate to say this, because it may be too much for you, but I do a lot of recovery reading sometimes. Melody Beattie, who has written a number of books on recovery and codependence, lost her son at the age of 12, I believe he was on a school trip and died in a skiing accident, also very suddenly. Anyway she has also written at least one but possibly more books on the subject of losing a child. But I recall reading a conversation between herself and a nurse at the time of her son's death, the nurse had also lost her child, and I think she asked about healing (probably if it ever got better), and the nurse told her it took about 10 years. At the time she was understandably overwhelmed by that possibility, but ultimately, she found that was about how long it took her. But you might want to look into her book(s) about what you are going through. She's a really good author and it might help you to know what another person who has gone through it already has found, what it was like for them, what you can expect.
But my understanding is that anything in that range is normal grieving over the loss of a child.
Again, I am so terribly, terribly sorry. And I hope that this doesn't make things any worse for you, if it does, I really apologize.
I hope you will continue to post more here as you go through this process, as hard as it may be.
Hugs if you want them,
Phoenix_Rising
I know that probably does not help you much but my heart just aches for you, I cannot begin to imagine what that must be like to lose your child in such a horrific and unexpected way.
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, and I hope that you can find some very much needed help and support here. I also have a history of seizures and my first one resulted in status epilepticus and lasted 45 minutes (which was finally ended due to hospital intervention) so unfortunately my experience is on the other side of the equation, and I was extremely lucky.
These forums, I have found, to be very supportive and I think you will be able to find support and help here. But there must also be places (in real life as well as online) for people who have lost their children, where you could find a more specific understanding as well from people who have also suffered the sudden death of a child. I really, despite all the various traumas in my background, cannot think of anything worse than this.
...I hesitate to say this, because it may be too much for you, but I do a lot of recovery reading sometimes. Melody Beattie, who has written a number of books on recovery and codependence, lost her son at the age of 12, I believe he was on a school trip and died in a skiing accident, also very suddenly. Anyway she has also written at least one but possibly more books on the subject of losing a child. But I recall reading a conversation between herself and a nurse at the time of her son's death, the nurse had also lost her child, and I think she asked about healing (probably if it ever got better), and the nurse told her it took about 10 years. At the time she was understandably overwhelmed by that possibility, but ultimately, she found that was about how long it took her. But you might want to look into her book(s) about what you are going through. She's a really good author and it might help you to know what another person who has gone through it already has found, what it was like for them, what you can expect.
But my understanding is that anything in that range is normal grieving over the loss of a child.
Again, I am so terribly, terribly sorry. And I hope that this doesn't make things any worse for you, if it does, I really apologize.
I hope you will continue to post more here as you go through this process, as hard as it may be.
Hugs if you want them,
Phoenix_Rising
AngelKeeperJ
Sponsor
I am so very sorry that this has happened to you. My heart aches for you, that you were the one to find your son. It is difficult in ALL cases, but this was especially hard. I hope that you have some support in real life! Do you have other children? Having my son to 'live for' kept me going when I couldn't find any other reason. You have come to a place that will be a soft 'place to fall'. We will encourage and lift you up, and walk with you through this journey.
My little girl died 18 years ago, and it is the hardest thing I had ever gone through. She was born with severe brain damage, and we knew from the beginning that she was not 'normal' and would die an early death, maybe 3. Well, she lived just over 11 years, and though it was/is an emotional rollercoaster, she was a precious lesson in loving unconditionally. Of course I still miss her, but my belief is that she is in heaven, doing all the things she couldn't do down here. Her death was 'sudden' but not like your son's.
Reaching out for help, and letting others comfort you, will ease the way as time goes by. Feel free to PM me if you would like. The most important thing I can say is, as times goes by, when a sad thought comes up, bring up a good memory of your son. Eventually, it gets easier to celebrate the life that he lived, and the searing, burning pain in your heart will settle into an ache that comes and goes. Holidays are still the hardest.
Blessings & prayers of comfort coming your way.
AKJ
My little girl died 18 years ago, and it is the hardest thing I had ever gone through. She was born with severe brain damage, and we knew from the beginning that she was not 'normal' and would die an early death, maybe 3. Well, she lived just over 11 years, and though it was/is an emotional rollercoaster, she was a precious lesson in loving unconditionally. Of course I still miss her, but my belief is that she is in heaven, doing all the things she couldn't do down here. Her death was 'sudden' but not like your son's.
Reaching out for help, and letting others comfort you, will ease the way as time goes by. Feel free to PM me if you would like. The most important thing I can say is, as times goes by, when a sad thought comes up, bring up a good memory of your son. Eventually, it gets easier to celebrate the life that he lived, and the searing, burning pain in your heart will settle into an ache that comes and goes. Holidays are still the hardest.
Blessings & prayers of comfort coming your way.
AKJ
AngelaMarie
Diamond Member
(((hug))) I don't know what I would do if that happened to me. You are strong to share and look for others.
- Post starter
- #6
He died November 19 2007. I went in to make sure he took his seizure meds. And there he laid. There is nothing in this world that prepares you for something so (insert adj here, I can't think of one) I still have nightmares every night. Flashbacks and blackouts all the time. Did counseling and meds. Still a basket case. The positive side is it gives me a better understanding of others suffering. Especially the mothers and fathers in the middle east. People suffering everywhere. Such a sad place the world must be. You know its not like you can openly express such grief and pain. I learned to accept it was too much for those that don't know what it was like. So I wear my fake smile, Pretend to laugh at jokes, And accept I have to go through the worst experience of anyones life alone. I posted here so others who have lost a child and is suffering like me will know someone understands.
Lady of Longbourn
VIP Member
Welcome to the forum. I am sorry for your loss and that you are still suffering. I've lost a unborn child, someone I never knew...It's still hard for me to be around children. I am very sorry.
Phoenix_Rising
Platinum Member
Oh, JD, my heart just breaks for you.
It is a sad world, where people cannot understand that losing a child is not something you just "get over" and move on with life. You are right, most likely most of those people just couldn't understand and as a result they couldn't cope with it, and didn't deal with that well. That doesn't change the fact that you should not have to waste precious energy "faking" that you are ok... Of course you are not ok. How you could possibly be ok after that is unimaginable.
I am so sorry for everything you are going through and have gone through.
It hits me a bit in the solar plexus, just reading you were going in there to make sure he took his seizure meds.
Such a normal, ordinary thing (in my world, where my parents were throwing pills down my throat before I was old enough to swallow them). To walk in and find it was anything but ordinary, and your whole world shattered.
It makes me so many things: more empathetic to what my parents must have gone through all those years, grateful I am here today, and just so sad for you, your family, and your son.
I really hope that--I don't think you ever "get over" losing a child--that you can find some peace and healing with this, so you do not suffer how are you are suffering now. That you can remember and love your son without all terrible symptoms you are suffering. That you can find support here, and understanding, even if that understanding is, I can't imagine what you have gone through, but I know how it feels to suffer how you are suffering, and to struggle as you are struggling--and to know what it's like to have to present one face to the outside world, because people really just don't want to know.
I wish I could say more, but anything I could say, would not be enough, for the pain you have gone through and continue to go through.
Hugs if you want them,
Phoenix_Rising
It is a sad world, where people cannot understand that losing a child is not something you just "get over" and move on with life. You are right, most likely most of those people just couldn't understand and as a result they couldn't cope with it, and didn't deal with that well. That doesn't change the fact that you should not have to waste precious energy "faking" that you are ok... Of course you are not ok. How you could possibly be ok after that is unimaginable.
I am so sorry for everything you are going through and have gone through.
It hits me a bit in the solar plexus, just reading you were going in there to make sure he took his seizure meds.
Such a normal, ordinary thing (in my world, where my parents were throwing pills down my throat before I was old enough to swallow them). To walk in and find it was anything but ordinary, and your whole world shattered.
It makes me so many things: more empathetic to what my parents must have gone through all those years, grateful I am here today, and just so sad for you, your family, and your son.
I really hope that--I don't think you ever "get over" losing a child--that you can find some peace and healing with this, so you do not suffer how are you are suffering now. That you can remember and love your son without all terrible symptoms you are suffering. That you can find support here, and understanding, even if that understanding is, I can't imagine what you have gone through, but I know how it feels to suffer how you are suffering, and to struggle as you are struggling--and to know what it's like to have to present one face to the outside world, because people really just don't want to know.
I wish I could say more, but anything I could say, would not be enough, for the pain you have gone through and continue to go through.
Hugs if you want them,
Phoenix_Rising
Heather
Diamond Member
I've read this post several times and am at a loss of what to say other than: I am truly sorry for what you have endured. I have an 8 y/o little girl and I can't even imagine.....
Again, sorry for your loss and pain.
Peace to you my friend.
Again, sorry for your loss and pain.
Peace to you my friend.
- Admin
- #10
anthony
Founder
Hi JD, I am sorry for your loss. Certainly nothing any parent should have to endure.
T
Truckinjoan
JD, and AKJ, I am sooo sorry to hear of your pain. I too have lost someone I love, but not a child. I can not pretend to know pain that deep. You are in my heart.
TJ
TJ
- Post starter
- #12
I appreciate all of your kind words and time spent responding. Doesn't sound like anyone is suffering in the same way I am and I am extremly gratefull for that. I would hate for anyone to be as sick as I am. For those that have lost kids. You never stop grieving. You never get better. You can only get used to it. Like a man who has lost both arms. He adapts to his disabilty. He may get used the fact. But in the end he is still missing his arms. The reminder of that is anavoidable.
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