Relationship Quick Question About Emotional Numbing

[A13]

Hey guys, was hoping someone can give me a bit of advice.

I have done some research on sufferer being emotionally numb.
What I'm wanting to ask is.. Is this all emotions. Il give an example and that will maybe make the question easier to answer.

So my partner (combat ptsd) has been in a pretty good place recently. He's been seeing his T and going through EMDR.

Usually he's very open, affectionate and sweet however over the last week I've found him very stand offish.. almost as though I'm just a friend. Emotionally closed off..Except anger. Which leads to my question!!

Surely anger is an emotion, is emotional numbing to do with all emotions if so why is my partner snappy at the slightest of things? Yesterday I asked are u hungry, done want cooked breakfast. He raised his voice and said don't f*cking start.

I'm confused about emotional numbness in this case or is he not emotionally numb. Is he just unhappy?

Any emotional numbness advice appreciated!!!! Many thanks

 

[Virtues]

This sounds like "displaced emotions"

Displaced definition | Psychology Glossary | alleydog.com

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

@Adm13, I don't know if being standoffish or acting detached -- which are behaviors -- are the same as feeling numb, empty, nothingness inside. Conversely, I often feel very detached internally but still behave warmly toward people.

That said, the behaviors you describe, angry(ish), irritable, snapping at every little thing, could be anger/upset, but could also be *depression.* I think anger sometimes masks a lot of sadness, grief and depression, and depression can mask anger, rage and frustration.

My wife sometimes gets in these funks, gets angry and frustrated and is very hard to deal with at these times. Her anger is intense and sometimes long lasting, and triggers my own PTSD anxiety. She had learned to say, "I need some space, I can't talk right now." And I have learned to just back the f*ck off and let her do whatever she needs to do. Sometimes I behave as if I'm still in an abusive relationship because I wind up tiptoeing around her ire, but I know it's me being triggered, not her being abusive. we both sort of tiptoe around each other.

But we didn't get there overnight. It literally took decades and we're still a work in progress. Are you in therapy yourself? What about couples counseling?

Remember, it's not your job to "fix" him or figure everything out by yourself! It's your job to take care of yourself and do your best to communicate effectively. He has the same work, too, btw. Hang in there, and good luck!

 

[Friday]

Anger is sometimes the only emotion I feel.

***

Emotional numbing is not necessarily an on/off switch with all of them, all at once. Sometimes I'll still have all my emotions, they'll just be sort of blunted. Other times I'll have a super limited range of full force emotions, and the rest are <whistle> just gone. Or mostly gone. Or only make gratuitous cameo appearances at strange times. Other times all I have is super primal stuff. Other times it's just grit & determination. Or exhaustion & go the f*ck away. Or I can start to have other emotions, but every emotion becomes anger. Hot/cold/doesn't matter. Whatever I'm feeling is about to become seriously dark. Other times I'm fine, but my stress cup is loaded, and so kaboom! I'm exploding or getting sparky as f*ck, even though I've still got my emotions, the one that shows is anger... And I'm trying not to, but keeping myself locked down? In order to control my rage, the others just don't have room to operate, because I cannot relax or I will go kaboom! So they get locked away as a side effect of self control.

Emotions are complicated.

Ugh. :wtf:

 

[Sweetpea76]

Not to stereotype or pigeonhole anybody, but a lot of vets can get aggressive when they feel stressed. They're trained to fight in "fight or flight" situations, so a lot of us see that anger in our combat vets.

 

[A13]

Thanks guys!!! Some really helpful stuff here. Its hard not to take it personally when you can't completely understand how things are inside his head! I'll take everything on board! I appreciate it!!

 

[EveHarrington]

Yes it can be emotional numbing.

Don't fall into the black/white view of emotional numbing where all emotions go or none go. It's possible to be numb to some but get annoyed easily.

 

[A13]

You know this site is incredible, a few posts and it almost makes you instantly feel better. the more I'm thinking about it too I feel like I've slipped into that rut where my self care has been neglected.. I think alot to do with this is possibly me too! I'm probably taking it more personally than i should!
I struggle with putting myself first. If I don't make a very conscious effort it somehow just slips back to me Not looking after myself maybe as much as I should do!

 

[Sighs]

My vet often says he only had two emotions - sad and angry.
And he can't be sad in front of me so he had to be angry. (By the way, this is his projection and baggage because his ex-wife told him she didn't want him if he was weak. Not how I feel. I'd rather deal with tears than yelling.)
The thing is when he says sad - he means lying on the floor sobbing unable to move. And when he says angry he means struggling with every ounce of self control not to smash things.
It's hard to cope with.
Hugs if you accept them.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Yeah, @Friday, and everyone else. Emotions are frickin complicated and hard as f*ck-all to deal with ... And that's just me dealing with my own emotions! Throw someone else into the mix? I don't have a word for it but I bet @Friday does ;)

 

[Friday]

Throw someone else into the mix? I don't have a word for it but I bet @Friday does ;)

Clusterf*ck.

Or a damn good time ;)

Sometimes a bit of both. Cough.

Which is which though, is sometimes a bit difficult to unravel.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

@Friday ... A damn good clusterf*ck ... Sounds like my last girlfriend.