:)
@berlinda
So I went and did a bit more renovation preparation work in the bathroom... didn't feel like doing it at all, but I actually managed to be aware that if I did those bits today, I would be glad tomorrow and the next steps would be easier/ wouldn't seem like such a huge task, cos another bit was already done.
That's another aspect of this that I rarely get right. The connection between me-today and me-tomorrow.
I guess that's another kid logic thing... that tomorrow is "so far off" - at least emotionally.
It's so hard for me to connect doing a task today to feeling genuinely grateful/ relieved the next day that it is already done.
Dunno how I feel about having completed this bit/ task of the renovation stuff - I think I'm more pleased that I actually managed to push through it, even tho I had zero motivation.
As for the task itself, I guess I'm glad I got this bit done, cos it makes the overall project seem less daunting.
I think I'm finally getting the hang of it. It's quite a complicated project... Quite a few people have told us "do not do this yourself!! get an expert to do it!!"
Which I think is exaggerated, but at the same time I've been clear that I don't want to do it totally on my own, as a beginner at this stuff. So we're getting a builder to help next Friday.
Tho when we were at the building supplies store yesterday, the guy there was all OCD about it too and was like "no, don't just get a general builder get a SPECIALIST"
Which again, I think is exaggerated.
We are being careful and thorough and keeping things simple and getting professional help. That'll do.
But yeah, it's been a daunting project with dozens and dozens of things that you could do totally wrong, as a beginner.
So navigating all those has been... daunting.
But I think I "get" it now.
It's nearly all prepped now, ready for the most important step on Friday.
And it feels nice to finally "get" it and to not feel daunted anymore. To feel like I'm "in control" of this and not feeling helpless.
I guess if you spend enough time with something, staring at it, wondering about it, asking questions about it... eventually you start filling in all the gaps in your knowledge and then... suddenly there's more knowledge than gaps :laugh:
Maybe that's something I need to focus on - not what the individual task feels like so much... but rather what it feels like overall...?
Another thing would be taking out the rubbish or doing the dishes - I don't actually feel any sense of achievement about that, most of the time.
But it does make me feel like I'm contributing to the household. It makes me feel competent. It makes me feel useful and functional.
Maybe that's what I should focus on more? The feelings *surrounding* the task... not the feelings *directly connected* to the task.
Yeah.
