I've been doing ok the last month. I've mostly been able to keep up with my school work, I've been a bit better at being open with my friend, but I've been struggling a lot. I've been dealing with depression that's made me just completely uninterested in taking care of my house and myself. I haven't cleaned my apartment in weeks. Doing laundry was a HUGE effort that exhausted me. My apartment turned into a disaster. I refused to let anyone in because it was such an obvious sign that I wasn't doing well. I stopped spending time at home because of it.
Today however, I got up early and met my friend to go for a swim. I did 20 lengths of the pool with him, then we had breakfast and caught up. I then studied for my upcoming finals for three hours, helped him edit his thesis paper, went home and had dinner, then went out again and studied at a cafe for another three hours. I got back home feeling elated and on top of the world. I logged on here and posted a thread asking advice, and I felt so good that I started a trauma diary. I wrote my first entry and it drained me. I was sobbing as I wrote it and when I read it over a second time. Then a funny thing happened, I felt myself getting drained of energy, I felt it starting to happen, and instead of staying on the couch I got up and started cleaning. I just got up and did what I've felt like I've been unable to do for almost three weeks. It's not spotless but it's a start, and I wouldn't be embarrassed if someone had to come in unexpectedly now. This may seem like such a small thing, but it's huge for me. I've never been a neat freak but I've always been tidy, just a few dishes piled up in the sink and the laundry left on the drying rack, so letting my place get this bad was a really bad sign for me. I'm actually shaking after having such a productive day but it's a good kind of shaking. I have sooooo many more issues but I just want to dwell on this little success a bit more tonight before I go to sleep :)
