Hi. I waited an hour before posting so that I'm calmer. How can one possibly recover when real threats and dangers are coming at you? I'm working very well at better, or rather I was. I have CPTSD (complex or cronic as it was explained to me). I'm not a negative minded person by nature, but loving, thoughtful, and capable.
This week I was grabbed twice off the sidewalk by men planning to use me. I don't feel as if I can afford to re-live the event any more than that right now. The police are helpless because the descriptions are too vauge -- I'm busy watching hands in a fight not face features. Now today I finally got the nerve to remove my earplugs when I noticed my dog was scared. I comforted him then opened my front door to check the mail. Teens were shooting a realistic looking BB hand gun at my door! I was nearly hit in the face! My husbands solution to all this is that I shouldn't go outside. He's encouraging agoraphobia, and I have to say he seems correct in this case. We can't move yet.
Now, I have to get to the post office down the street to pick up a certified letter from a collections agency who's claim I know is false -- I want to fight this bill -- but if I let it sit there I'm further ruining life via credit rating ect. I just don't know what to do or how to get out from under regular problems while dealing with debilitating fear that is based in fact. I've been crying for most of three days. I reached out on facebook which was horribly embarrassing so I'm not going back there again -- at least that's how I feel now.
My health care has been cut off and I have no one to talk to but my poor confused husband who seems to prefer dealing rather than healing. I just turned 40 and was turning life around. Now I'm moving back to the blackest places. I'm so scared I'm going to hurt the next person who grabs me, or give up and hurt myself. Last night my husband pushed open the door of my "safe" room and I screamed and grabbed his face in terror! I barely had enough of myself to say internally NO, don't do this! I collapsed to the floor. Is this a case where one of us should call 911? Isn't that only going to make things worse? Extra bills at least. I'm terrified at the unknown if I have to be taken away. Any mental health resourses I've found locally have only told me to call an ambulance or police (I'm not from this area). I have aware controll but the more events that continue to happen the less I care about what happens. This is what scares me most of all. I want my life back so badly. I've missed out on so much and the rest isn't looking too good. It's harder for me to judge how bad things are in fact. Is getting myself locked up the only way to get help? It can't just wait until we can afford a better neighborhood -- I can't. Sigh.
My goodness, thank you very much if you've read all the way through this!
This week I was grabbed twice off the sidewalk by men planning to use me. I don't feel as if I can afford to re-live the event any more than that right now. The police are helpless because the descriptions are too vauge -- I'm busy watching hands in a fight not face features. Now today I finally got the nerve to remove my earplugs when I noticed my dog was scared. I comforted him then opened my front door to check the mail. Teens were shooting a realistic looking BB hand gun at my door! I was nearly hit in the face! My husbands solution to all this is that I shouldn't go outside. He's encouraging agoraphobia, and I have to say he seems correct in this case. We can't move yet.
Now, I have to get to the post office down the street to pick up a certified letter from a collections agency who's claim I know is false -- I want to fight this bill -- but if I let it sit there I'm further ruining life via credit rating ect. I just don't know what to do or how to get out from under regular problems while dealing with debilitating fear that is based in fact. I've been crying for most of three days. I reached out on facebook which was horribly embarrassing so I'm not going back there again -- at least that's how I feel now.
My health care has been cut off and I have no one to talk to but my poor confused husband who seems to prefer dealing rather than healing. I just turned 40 and was turning life around. Now I'm moving back to the blackest places. I'm so scared I'm going to hurt the next person who grabs me, or give up and hurt myself. Last night my husband pushed open the door of my "safe" room and I screamed and grabbed his face in terror! I barely had enough of myself to say internally NO, don't do this! I collapsed to the floor. Is this a case where one of us should call 911? Isn't that only going to make things worse? Extra bills at least. I'm terrified at the unknown if I have to be taken away. Any mental health resourses I've found locally have only told me to call an ambulance or police (I'm not from this area). I have aware controll but the more events that continue to happen the less I care about what happens. This is what scares me most of all. I want my life back so badly. I've missed out on so much and the rest isn't looking too good. It's harder for me to judge how bad things are in fact. Is getting myself locked up the only way to get help? It can't just wait until we can afford a better neighborhood -- I can't. Sigh.
My goodness, thank you very much if you've read all the way through this!
