We have the "scarlet P." The stigma of mental illness is a terrible burden. Rejection is a terrible feeling. Rejection from family is unbearable. This contempt that we experience because we have trouble coping with difficult situations and our pasts compounds our pain. Stigmatism due to mental illness is a serious problem for us, and the rest of the world doesn't have to care.
I know that you put effort into this relationship, planned to make a family, and loved/or love this person. You dissociated and it's always embarrassing.
But so what? You had one break down and suddenly you're rejected and they don't love you anymore. You wanted a family and apparently this people are the family material. We have to need people that will not hold our breakdowns against us forever.
I am not trying to accuse them of malice. They may just be incompetent or not up for it. But you had one break down and suddenly they don't love you anymore. The fact of the matter seems to be that they don't accept you for you and that doesn't work in a relationship. Besides which the relationship was with him.
Take a more objective view. He/They revealed themselves to you. Apparently they can't accept a disability and apparently aren not empathetic or compassionate. Rather they're "rejectors." For some reason they can't cope with mental disability or perceive it in a negative way. This is a person you were going to build a life and you have to know what he is like and what makes him tick, what he is like during hard times, how he treats others. The most important thing is how he treats you and you're being treated like a black sheep for having PTSD. You can't even control it! You didn't do anything with ill will to harm him. These aren't the qualities of people that you want to build a family with. Would you want to have a child in an environment like that with these people? They aren't loving or forgiving.
To me it sounds like he is too dependent on his mother if he would follow her guidance and go back to her home rather than be with you. I think they sound awful.
If this happened after you were married it could of lead to divorce. If you have kids they could of used your mental impairment to take her away from you. They didn't help you when you were worried and didn't help you when they realized you were sick so I would anticipate that they'd be useless if you got another form of disease and needed them. Taking ability to provide care is very important within a family and they sound like they don't know how to do that. You said
They weren't abusive. I will give them credit for that. Rather they took the other road and closed the door on you. But they're being completely insensitive. Hypothetically what would happen if they changed their minds and said you could come back? You know how mean they are. You'd be on thin ice. I would think you would feel like you couldn't even breath for fear of doing something wrong and getting kicked out again. After this it doesn't seem like you could really rebuild.
I think they're fools. It's not like people offer love and companionship everyday. If they can't appreciate that they are blind.
My feeling is if someone rejects me, I can reject them back. I don't need their love. What did they give you? They're not providing anything now. Stop providing for them. It sounds to me that he has a dependent on his mother and that is indicates something bad. If an adult man would rather listen to his mother and live with his mother, than be with a woman who loves him, I say leave him to his mother.
You have to forgive yourself for this, Angela. People have ptsd and people do foolish things all the time. You didn't hurt anyone or cause any damages. You don't need them. Don't let them beat you up for having ptsd or make you feel like you looked stupid.
Angela, just screw them.
I think you should consider it an opportunity well lost. All the signs are saying move on. I think you should cut lose and have fun and clear your mind. Learn from this mistake and then look for a new relationship.
I know that you put effort into this relationship, planned to make a family, and loved/or love this person. You dissociated and it's always embarrassing.
But so what? You had one break down and suddenly you're rejected and they don't love you anymore. You wanted a family and apparently this people are the family material. We have to need people that will not hold our breakdowns against us forever.
I am not trying to accuse them of malice. They may just be incompetent or not up for it. But you had one break down and suddenly they don't love you anymore. The fact of the matter seems to be that they don't accept you for you and that doesn't work in a relationship. Besides which the relationship was with him.
I think you've done enough. You apologized, you wrote a letter, you explained it to him. They are not getting it. You made an effort and it hasn't made a difference. You're the one being civil and they're not responding.
Take a more objective view. He/They revealed themselves to you. Apparently they can't accept a disability and apparently aren not empathetic or compassionate. Rather they're "rejectors." For some reason they can't cope with mental disability or perceive it in a negative way. This is a person you were going to build a life and you have to know what he is like and what makes him tick, what he is like during hard times, how he treats others. The most important thing is how he treats you and you're being treated like a black sheep for having PTSD. You can't even control it! You didn't do anything with ill will to harm him. These aren't the qualities of people that you want to build a family with. Would you want to have a child in an environment like that with these people? They aren't loving or forgiving.
To me it sounds like he is too dependent on his mother if he would follow her guidance and go back to her home rather than be with you. I think they sound awful.
If this happened after you were married it could of lead to divorce. If you have kids they could of used your mental impairment to take her away from you. They didn't help you when you were worried and didn't help you when they realized you were sick so I would anticipate that they'd be useless if you got another form of disease and needed them. Taking ability to provide care is very important within a family and they sound like they don't know how to do that. You said
so that is a value you have. But they/he doesn't. You don't have that in common and you need someone who shares this value with you.
They weren't abusive. I will give them credit for that. Rather they took the other road and closed the door on you. But they're being completely insensitive. Hypothetically what would happen if they changed their minds and said you could come back? You know how mean they are. You'd be on thin ice. I would think you would feel like you couldn't even breath for fear of doing something wrong and getting kicked out again. After this it doesn't seem like you could really rebuild.
I think they're fools. It's not like people offer love and companionship everyday. If they can't appreciate that they are blind.
My feeling is if someone rejects me, I can reject them back. I don't need their love. What did they give you? They're not providing anything now. Stop providing for them. It sounds to me that he has a dependent on his mother and that is indicates something bad. If an adult man would rather listen to his mother and live with his mother, than be with a woman who loves him, I say leave him to his mother.
You have to forgive yourself for this, Angela. People have ptsd and people do foolish things all the time. You didn't hurt anyone or cause any damages. You don't need them. Don't let them beat you up for having ptsd or make you feel like you looked stupid.
Angela, just screw them.
I think you should consider it an opportunity well lost. All the signs are saying move on. I think you should cut lose and have fun and clear your mind. Learn from this mistake and then look for a new relationship.
