Reliving Unhealthy Situations?

[Melody coates]

so i was diagnosed with PTSD recently. i don't exactly relive actual events but rather situations. when i left the abusive situation i was in at home, i went to stay with a friend and his mother. i felt like i was in the same exact situation i just tried to escape from. opinions?

 

[joeylittle]

Are you saying that you tend to "repeat" situations in your life in which you were abused - so, you were abused at home, and then you put yourself into another abusive situation with your friend and his mother?

Or are you saying that when you are with your friend and his mother, you dissociate and believe you are back home with your own family?

 

[Melody coates]

hmmm i guess a little bit of both? his mother is really controlling and that is one trait my abuser has. i don't really disscociate, instead i fanatsize excessively and have my own fantasy world. but it did feel like i was back home :(

 

[joeylittle]

Gotcha. So, yes, I think the main issue is that you are noticing you put yourself into similar, abusive situations. Then being in those situations again naturally causes you distress.

I know I've done that. Not with personal relationships - I don't have enough of those - but with how I relate to my employers. I have an overall propensity for needing to please people, and I somehow seek out those that are never satisfied and withhold positive feedback. I think becoming aware of it is really the first step towards conciously changing it, but it's tough when you don't have many options.

 

[Melody coates]

exactly! its like having "victim" written acrossed my forehead. no matter how hard i try im always being mistreated or abused by a female perpatrator. is there any way this can stop? :(

 

[arfie]

My own flight patterns are interstate, international and intercontinental. Even in different languages and cultures I seem to find myself feeling trapped in the same situation I just escaped from. I think that part of my feeling is that people are people wherever you go and our dysfunctions don't vary as much as the academics would have us believe. I believe that most of it is the taunting of my own fears and anxieties.

But each of us is different, Melody. Gentle support while you sort through your own, unique dynamics.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Please try not to beat yourself up for this! I think it happens to most of us at some point, in some way. I'm five years into healing and a few months ago I had my worst trauma recreation experience yet. Rather, a guy I was seeing re-created a part of my traumatic childhood events in his own life, and my mind just shut down for three days and I couldn't even speak. Of course he saw no issue in his actions as it was no big deal to him. I just thank my brain for protecting me and telling me to get away from this guy (which I did).

Are you able to get out of your current living situation?

 

[Melody coates]

yes but the situation im currently in right now is not healthy either. im living in an emergency shelter :(

 

[BlueOrange]

Shelters offer shelter from the rain, but not much more than that :( hopefully someone that works there can help you find someplace better? They might only have a phone number for someone that can give you a phone number, but following that trail would be better than feeling trapped.

And yeah, I tend to repeat relationships. My first wife was just like my father, and so were several of my girlfriends after that was over. Eventually, I managed to see the various ways I was keeping myself in that cycle, and do something different. Learning to mistrust my instinctive reactions to people was an important part of that.