Reluctant To Apply For Ssi/ssdi, Experiences Anyone?

[Tribulations]

Thanks Monster I am really anxious about it as the neighbor situation keeps getting worse and worse. I can feel myself starting to come loose at the ends. They harass my dogs, me, and continue to play games. Today it was a dog piano sound app, I know it was the wife. It is making me fight urges to self mutilate again. It is harder and harder every day. I am so infuriated with these people. We have so little money, and no where to go. We have 1 friend out here who lives hours away and the owner keeps putting eviction notices on our door. Even AFTER we emailed her a new payment arrangement to fix the paid on different days issue with her job now and previous job.

I keep trying to stay positive and keep having to do grounding techniques every day multiple times a day. My head consistently hurts, I crap blood, I'm always sweating and my heart is at a million miles an hour. I don't get sleep because the noise from everything keeps me up. I wish these people knew what that was like, what it is like to be me. I have went through so much pain in my life and they are just adding more. I just want to get out of here, I want it to stop, I want to be able to heal.

What did I do so wrong to deserve this life? This pain? These things I cannot control? Yeah I went off on the woman but that was after months of trying to talk to them nicely about it. So because they wanted to be a-holes, and I retaliated, they have the right to do this to me? The owner has the right to imply I lack any intelligence and am a bad person? I am so sick of people pointing fingers at me instead of looking at their own imperfections.

Sorry for the negativity it is just hard to deal with the financial stress, neighbor stress, owner stress, other apartment stress, and of course what stress I have to deal with daily already. I don't know how the hell my partner does it. *sigh*

 

[KP the nut]

Boom, 2 years later I'm fighting tooth and nail to hold on to my house. It is amazing how fast things change.

My husband and I managed to hold onto our house. I see such hardship and think 'there but for the grace of god, go I'. And I'm not religeous.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is so easy to lose everything.

 

[DharmaGirl]

It sounds horrible! You must be exhauseted! For the short term, can you sleep with earplugs? Once you get past the feeling in your ear you may be able to sleep. Things are so much easier to handle when you are rested. And you didn't do anything to deserve it, it is random. That is the hardest thing for me to understand. I was just in the wrong family at the wrong time.

 

[Tribulations]

My ears leak, my ear wax is super liquidy as gross as that is. I can't wear the ear bud kind of headphones or ear plugs (soft foamy ones) because my ears hurt. If I could I would, unfortunately that isn't an option. I already have 2 fans going on high, the ac fan on all the time, my phone app of white noise, and my blanket over my ear when I sleep on my side. We also moved our bed to the middle of the bedroom, we have done as much we can as far as blocking the noise out.

I am sorry I replied selfishly earlier, I was flustered apologies. I'm sorry you are having trouble with housing too, it is pretty nuts how everything goes bad in a blink of an eye. It happens so fast it's like a whirlwind, losing your residence/home is never fun. I wish you all the best, I hope you can get that sorted out. You are too good of a person to have your home taken away. ((((Monster)))) if you're okay with an e-hug. Also thank you.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Experiences with SSDI vary widely depending on your condition, your medical history, and I've heard, even your location.

My best advice? Take everything you hear with a grain of salt. You'll hear lots of horror stories regarding SSDI but what you'll hear less of are the success stories. Why? Because angry people are much more vocal than happy people.

Know what you're up against, but don't let it discourage you.

 

[Tribulations]

Thanks Scaredoflonely. It is still quite nerve racking, as dramatic as that sounds. We are waiting to be contacted by Allsup.

Lol it reminds me of how I felt when I gave my now girlfriend my phone number and waited for her to call. Just on a much larger scale.

 

[JustBe]

My journey with Social Security only lasted 9 months and I was approved on the first go

 

[DharmaGirl]

I accept all hugs, thank you. You didn't answer selfishly, that is the abuse talking. When we take care of ourselves, the abuse whispers that we don't deserve it. We do. I practice that a lot, sort of like a mantra, "I deserve to be treated well". There are so many circuts in our brains that need rewiring. I haven't even started on patience, lol.

 

[Tribulations]

I have a question for you all. Has your life changed for the better since getting social security benefits? If so how, and was it a quick change, a slow one?

I know it sounds like a stupid question, but being new to this whole thing I need to ask.

 

[Tribulations]

Thank you for that Monster, I didn't even think about that. Seriously, thank you for bringing that into light. That makes sense, I really need to practice being okay with opening up here without feeling like I am being selfish/whiney/other negative things. It really is hard to do, but should be easier now I understand my brain is telligng me false things, because of the abuse.

Patience I am still trying to perfect that one. Although I have more patience now, it doesn't seem to be as much as I'd like to have. I like you tend to tell myself "Wait 5 more minutes/days.", over and over again. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't it depends on my day/situation. When it does work I find that telling myself to wait 5 minutes/days repeatedly helps my brain focus on that instead of whatever I am being impatient about. If that makes sense, I don't know if that is the right thing to do. However, I do know that it works for me at times and that is better than nothing. Or even being impatient.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I was already on long term disability when I got SSDI. The difference will be next July, when I get medicare free. I feel more relaxed right away, knowing that I will have money coming in for myself and my son, even if we lose the house. It was a huge weight off my shoulders, because it validated the fact I couldn't work, and that was a hard issue for me. I used work as a coping mechanism. I loved being a nurse and helping people. I was a terrible blow when I couldn't work anymore. The SSDI makes me feel like I will continue to survive until I can work.

 

[Tribulations]

I totally understand where you're coming from with that. When I went from #1 tech internationally in a well known company, to nothing it was hard. Extremely hard, especially because I got that job by a stroke of luck. My friend at the time worked there, and referred me to the hiring staff. I used to always joke that on paper I was the least qualified technician lol! They had no issues with it when they did find out I didn't have a diploma, etc. My work and experience was accepted, and the fact they could overlook that because of this made me so happy. I think I used it as a coping mechanism too, to get away from the bad because if I was working I was too busy you know? I think that is why whatever job I have ever had I always excel at.

Nursing must be a hard field to work in, having ptsd. I can't even begin to imagine the stressors/triggers that come with that. You're really strong for even being able to work that field. That must of been tough!

Thank you for sharing that with me Monster. It helps me feel "not so bad" about this. I feel good about it, but it's like there's still that little bit of bad that tries to creep up. I'm going to assume that little bit of bad is the abuse at work.