Repressed Anger Ruining My Life

[The Albatross]

I am pleased to read that of the options you listed, not one of them included suicide. You also didn't include denying you're past. It seems you have some viable options and some reasonable courses of action. All that remains is how you manage your thinking and feelings in the meantime as you deal with the stress and choose a course of action.

:tup:

 

[Anna]

My main question is that if you KNOW that you were taken advantage of emotionally by someone, how can you be happy person unless you get revenge?

I release my anger physically by working out. Jogging, sit ups. If you are raging, why not buy a sandsack and box? It gets it out and it is a positive way. Seriously.

Revenge? It doesn't stop the pain. Try to understand why he did it. What was going through his head?

In the case of your brother, if he was a junkie you have to get it into your head, the deceit and lies are the addiction talking. Addiction is ugly, it turns people into monsters and demons. You cannot trust a junkie, they only are after their next fix. It was the drugs which made him like that. You are not to blame, never blame yourself, you were a young teenager, so was he.

Regarding the financial issues. Do you have anyone to speak to such as a lawyer? It would well be worth checking out where you stand there. Also having some support as it is a very delicate situation.

 

[Thinkingman85]

All that I know is that there is something wrong with me. I ruminate about my situation, have a "dead" feeling that keeps me feeling hopeless, and I have developed mental dislexia (thinking of something else in reference to something) and improper concentration. My brain wants stability. I grew up in the house, now it is alien. I don't know if there is a solution anymore. I understand what was going through my brother's head... He is a piece of garbage. There was no excuse. The house could be sold, but I don't know if anything will make me feel normal again. I'm sick of seeking. I deserve a good life.

 

[Thinkingman85]

Prozac might take away my "dead" feeling.

 

[The Albatross]

There's a difference between deserving a good life, and actualizing one. One has a better chance of success than the other. I don't know that I will ever feel normal, because I never had a concept of that. I do know though that a lot of my feelings spur me on to take the actions necessary to initiate change.

How does this situation prevent you from actualizing a good life? Why choose rumination and a sustained sense of hopelessness intead of challenging yourself in other areas to develop some confidence? How does focusing on this one thing benefit you? There is always a pay off. For me it's usually procrastination or avoidance. If I allow myself to focus on the primary areas of discontent, my mind will magnify and manufacture supporting evidence because the brain will give us what it thinks we want more of. I found I drove a lot of my distress that way. For a time it was paralyzing. These incidents now, indicate opportunities to initiate change rather than ramping up my distress and feeding my anxiety.

Perhaps your distress is telling you it's time to make a solid decision.

 

[The Albatross]

I did benefit from using an SSRI for a year... to restore a sense of "normalcy" after one trauma. May be a good idea. I was able to step off it and learn coping tools.

 

[Thinkingman85]

My main concern is that when I do take the big action, which I did in the past, my "dead" feeling will remain, which it has. Any action that I take there is always a depressed "it's hopeless... it doesn't matter what you do. You can't do it." voice. The way I have been coping is living with the pain. It seems like an SSRI might be a good thing.

 

[The Albatross]

There are too ways to change the inner critic voice... I had to learn self parenting. The voice is alot quieter these days.

 

[Thinkingman85]

I am interested in self parenting.

What has led to my symptoms is the belief that the house has to be sold or else I will not fit in life anymore. My brain makes me feel like I am a segregated or out of tune with life. Whenever I think of the house being sold and I get my money, my brain envisions the feelings of normalcy and relief. I think it stems from me knowing that my brother is living in the house that I grew up in. The normal life I lived was lived in that house. I don't know if my brain wants to, as a positive frame of reference, maintain the memory of the house in a good light.

The way I see things are that in most of my life, good things happened in the house, then for about three years, bad things happened. The person that created all of the bad now owns it. It's hard to reconcile the cognitive dissonance. I believe that if the house is sold, the drama feelings and family connection will be dead... and the house will have no attachment to us anymore. Therefore, I can see it how I want to. I believe that this cognitive dissonance is what has led me downhill.

When you say that you need to actualize your success, I've attempted and was fairly successful. However, this belief may have dragged me back to square one. My concern is that if the house isn't sold, all of my attempts to fit into life and reestablish my success and life will be dead end streets. I don't want to be one of those people with messed up lives and it's how they identify themselves (not trying to sound disrespectful). My brother and uncle both associate themselves that way. If I want to succeed big time, my identity needs to be correlated with being normal and having no deep issues or baggage.

 

[Thinkingman85]

I can't believe this one issue is defining me, but it makes sense. Can someone walk away from a house they lived in practically all of their lives and let the person that screwed up everything own it? How can you have a good outlook on life or your history and live a normal life after this? ERRR. Long story short, evil people live in the house I grew up in.

 

[saffy]

My main question is that if you KNOW that you were taken advantage of emotionally by someone, how can you be happy person unless you get revenge?

Hi thinkingman85

Revenge is a damaging trait for anyone as the only focus you have is how to get back at this person, they have done me wrong and I allowed it! Instead of how can I communicate and understand this better.

Once you think you have revenge, how does that changed your life for the better, it might make you feel better inside for a short while, but then normally you realise that you are actually just as bad as the person in the first place, at least I do. Instead I try to understand why they did it and what that person is actually like. Realising that they are the wrongs ones and their behaviour is not a quality I like I realise I am a much better person than that and find something positive out of negative without taking negative actions to make a positive, if that makes sense.

learning to control anger is hard to do without the right skills, learning to see things rationally without anger, learning to step back from the situation and look at it from another angle so a new path can be taken, but most importantly, I think, is learning how to communicate more effectively about why you feel anger, instead of lashing out to be heard after it has gone too far.

I hope you find inner peace :)

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[saffy]

Long story short, evil people live in the house I grew up in.

Yes but they will always be evil, as much as its frustrating to see they seem to have come out on top, the reality is they will be like this and unhappy in a house they probably got from being selfish and greedy, You on the other hand have freedom to start a fresh and get out of a distructive relationship.

A house is only a home if the people live in it make it one. Hard to admit, but it is just a bricks and mortar now, your happy memories are always there too, they will never be happy because that is the type of people they are, so maybe knowing that could be your revenge, as you will have the last laugh in the end.

As one quote said, 'madam I might be drunk but you are ugly and tomorrow I will be sober.' or something like that :)

Best wishes
Saffy :)