Sexual Assault Resentful of colleague

[Gjbct]

I feel very resentful of the colleague who sits next to me. Every day, she complains about the sounds my ex-boss makes when he's talking to our colleagues about work. For context, our ex-boss had recently been demoted for sexual harassment. He made up a rumor about a rumor of her sleeping with him, and now she can't stand him. I just think it's so bothersome of her to complain about him every single day in the pettiest ways, which is the issue I take most with. She also bitches and complains about someone across the room typing loudly and calls him crazy for staring at them. It doesn't bother me when other colleagues complain about this guy, but the way she complains is extremely petty, and in a way that crosses the line.

Also, I posted this under trauma and stressors because the magnitude of the sexual harassment that she faced doesn't compare to what I've gone through. The ex-boss had not physically touched her and had only made up this rumor, along with sending her suggestive texts. But she's reacting like she had been sexually assaulted or something, while I’m sitting there as someone who's recently been through a prolonged grooming and sexually exploitative relationship with someone twice my age who was also in a position of authority. Of course, she doesn't know this and doesn't need to, but I find her to be overall extremely insensitive and petty. She wouldn’t even look me in the eye or directly interact with me. What can I do?

 

[Movingforward10]

What can I do?

Loads of things!

ignore her.
walk away.
change the conversation.
tell her directly you don’t want to have those types of conversations and can she be mindful of what she says , and then walk away when she starts having those conversations again.
work on your anger and annoyance At the injustice you went through, (because that seems to be interfering with your ability to have compassion for someone who has experienced sexual harassment in the workplace. And, you don’t know if she has a history of any other abuse in her background, like she doesn’t know about you).

 

[arfie]

I just think it's so bothersome of her to complain about him every single day in the pettiest ways, which is the issue I take most with. She also bitches and complains about someone across the room typing loudly and calls him crazy for staring at them

to me, "bothersome" is a polite understatement of this phenom. i become explosively violent (mostly verbal, but sometimes physical) when forced to listen to this sort of venting. alas, trying to stop the person who is venting feels allot like trying to stop a toilet from overflowing. the harder i try to stop it, the shittier the effort gets. "visualization" is the therapy tool which has worked best for me. while said person is dribbling, i visualize them in various costumes and scenarios. my first successful visualization was imagining the person screaming through the bars of a mental hospital window. my second was a "person of authority" (husband) whom i visualized in various prison guard uniforms. the man had the legs to rock a centurion costume! ! !

while I’m sitting there as someone who's recently been through a prolonged grooming and sexually exploitative relationship with someone twice my age who was also in a position of authority.

as a child sex trafficking survivor, i empathize totally on this score. i often want to scream, "AND YOU ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT WHAT!?!?!?" i have regretted each and every time such sentiments have erupted with those explosive reactions. when that particular volcano starts bubbling, i start reviewing my therapy supporter list and making plans to carry that lava bed to somebody who can actually help.

but that is me and every case is unique.

steadying support while you find what works for you.