Read somewhere that those of us who suffered C-ptsd and are searching for healing are on a hero's journey. Some days feel as if made great progress only to flashback a few days later, crying hot tears.
Researching our diagnosis is heartbreaking and time consuming. Yet, like an addict, we keep coming back for more. Sometimes wish I was still in the dark. Having the scab pulled off time and again is so very painful.
Keep telling myself that must ascend, even as I slip and slide. And discarding myself, as not being worth the fight, would be the ultimate betrayal; to all my abused inner children and as the victim of domestic abuse.
Bartek, keep on keeping on. Don't give up. IMHO, a complete healing may not be; as trauma is so ingrained into our neurobiology. We have to stay on top of it, using whatever tools work for us individually. That in itself so angers me at times. How dare it not resolve! Stop the suffering, the heartache. Enough. Please. Stop.
But you're not alone. Cry, rant, read, pray, meditate, do somatic work, rant and cry again. But don't give up on yourself Bartek. You found this site for a reason. Stay the process.