Supporter Scared Of Ptsd Husband

[WiseFool]

My husband's was diagnosed with PTSD less than a year ago. A little over a week ago I had to tell him the bad news that we were losing our house. There is a whole back story to the house but the point is that he became upset and was prowling the house muttering threats to anyone he could think of. I followed him and though I cannot recall what I said it made him so mad he turned around and put his hand around my throat and shoved me against the wall. I fled to a friends house and ,again, I'm unclear of what exactly transpired but some one summoned the police and I made a statement but did not press charges.

They arrested him anyway. Now he blames me and is terrorizing me psychologically but I will NOT call the police again. Is it my fault? Did I do wrong? He can't understand how scared he made me, he only sees betrayal. He's gone now, but he'll be back. . . He always comes back.

 

[somuchpain]

If you intend to keep selling him out, you should have the integrity to tell him so. It doesn't make you wrong but lets him know you're not taking his BS any more. It's your choice but let him in on your decision. Then again, know your own path cause no-one listens to me anyway.

 

[WiseFool]

Wow, well, thanks for that bit of wisdom. "Selling him out"... well, that would mean I'm a real piece of s***, huh? I mean, really, what kind of wife "sells out" her husband, right? Thanks. .. So much for that. ..

 

[digger]

'Selling him out' seems to be a strange interpretation of your situation to me ??

Violence against another individual is not acceptable, PTSD or not. Is he getting any help? If he refuses to acknowledge it as a problem then it is unlikely to improve. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. The only 'wrong' thing to me in your post is the 'I will NOT call the police' bit - if you feel threatened by his behaviour again, please do. He needs to get the message that it is not okay.

 

[somuchpain]

Well you're the one that felt it necessary to claim you "wouldn't call the police again". So I apologize for my misunderstanding, but my point remains that you should probably make it clear to him why you'll call the police again so he has no right to pretend he doesn't know. You're destroying him by calling the police so you should define the boundaries. And I really don't mind your hatred, I'm quite used to it so feel free.

 

[WiseFool]

Don't worry about. It doesn't matter

 

[Hashi]

WiseFool, it matters very much and I'm concerned at what you say. I can't agree at all with somuchpain's response.

I'm concerned that you're attributing your husband's behaviour to PTSD. I have to say I would call it abusive behaviour, not PTSD behaviour. I'm also concerned when you say he always comes back - it sounds like there's a pattern and that things might be involved on his side like making you feel you did wrong, making you feel guilty, perhaps making you worry about needing him, or about him needing you. If so, this is manipulation and is also part of abusive behaviour.

PTSD is not an excuse for the kind of behaviour you've talked about. You are not required to suffer this kind of emotional or physical violence in order to support someone with PTSD.

How would you feel about talking to someone about it, not about his PTSD but about the relationship and your side of things? A therapist, a women's centre or support service?

Even if you feel you can't or won't do that, I recommend you read the book "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft. What happened wasn't your fault at all and you didn't do wrong. The book explains how easy it is to think those things, and why they aren't true.

 

[somuchpain]

Damn, I hurt you. Believe it or not that hurts me. I'm truly sorry. I should have known better. I'm being sincere.

 

[shell]

He chose to act like he did, there is no excuse PTSD or otherwise for threatening another person, or for harming them. Your safety comes first, and you certainly didn't sell him out.

He needs to get help, and take responsibility for his actions. I'm really sorry you had to go through that, and he is still threatening you.
I'm sorry you are losing your home and are being threatened, it must be very distressing.

Don't be afraid to seek help, and you do need to take action to protect yourself.

 

[digger]

, You're destroying him by calling the police .

Sorry but that's bullshit. She has every right to call the police on him. He needs to take responsibility for his actions - if he's getting destroyed by the police being called then that is on him, not her. His actions are what caused the police to be needed.

 

[somuchpain]

She does have every right to call the police. But don't tell me he has no right to understand the boundaries or that it doesn't ruin his future. He's also a person that has to make his way in a society that is repulsed by him. Been there..long time.

 

[digger]

You're victim blaming. As an adult he needs to take responsibility for his own actions and the consequences of them. He is breaking the law by assaulting another person how difficulty a boundary is that to understand? What are you saying? That if she doesn't tell him that she will call the police on him then it's okay to behave however the f*ck he likes?