Relationship Setting Goals/optimism

[Lmm]

@Lemontree The problem is he usually tells me after I do something that I've done it wrong. The flower bed for example I was going to buy topsoil for because he said not to dig down but to just add topsoil to the top. So I was going to go buy some but then he said no he would buy a couple trailers of it not bagged because it would be a lot cheaper to just wait he would go get some. I said great. Well he didn't end up going for a couple weeks but then he did and brought back landscaping fabric. I laid the fabric and shoveled almost the entire trailer myself to prove to him I could do a project myself. He thinks I rely on him for everything even though I got by just fine without him before I met him and have a good career, etc. i started planting and halfway through he said I should have cut holes in the fabric and dug into the old bed below. So I did on the rest. The flower bed turned out great. He was going to get another trailer full for a second bed but never went and got it then decided he didn't want me planting the second bed because when we eventually lay a patio he wants it to go all the way to the garage. So he never got the rest of the dirt and yesterday when I wanted to set goals he complained about the way I do things and used the way I planted the flowers as an example. It's almost like he sets me up to fail do he can tell me I did it wrong. I 'm usually willing to do it his way but half the time I don't know what that is until after. I think I have to just focus on my own goals and hope that motivates him. If not at least I got done what I wanted to (even though a lot of the things are things I wanted to do together). Not sure what else to do about the nit picking though. I try to think about how he'd want it done but still always seem to fall short of his extreme expectations.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Didy ou discuss this with him? Did you tell him that you would be willing to do it his way if he told you what he wanted it to be done like... and that you feel like he sets you up to fail?

 

[Lmm]

I may have here or there, but that 'a a good idea. I feel like I may be walking a thin line there with him thinking I need him to tell me how to do things but I think it 's worth a shot. Like discussing how he thinks it should be done with him before I start things, more like asking for his input. That might work, thanks for the suggestion. : )

 

[catlover26]

I think what you said focus on your own goals and what you want to have done. It sounds like no matter what you do he is going to complain about something. He is probably just taking out his frustrations on you. Like a counselor told my sister in marriage counseling once you are the 'safe person'. A husband will complain and gripe at the 'safe person' usually the spouse because they feel like they will always be there. They won't do that with friends because friends won't put up with that kind of behavior. Don't know if that helps but it makes sense.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Please tell me if it worked :)