Sharing Too Much In Therapy?

[fyredrift23]

Hi all,

I’m having a problem regarding being vulnerable to my therapist.

My T and I have been working together for about 2 years (we have each had 2 birthdays, and they’re 8 months apart, lol). I trust him very much, and I feel that he knows me really well. :tup:
I have been meeting with him once a week since the beginning, and at least 6 months ago I started seeing him twice a week. He’s pretty much been a very reliable fixture in my life. I can always count on seeing him, you know?

Well, anyway, we have an open-communication style when it comes to our relationship. Besides speaking with him face-to-face, I have both called and e-mailed my T quite a few times. While I am super comfortable being around him physically and speaking with him on the phone, I tend to share my feelings better through writing/emailing. He is well aware of this fact, and he encourages me to share this way whenever I feel led.

Writing how I feel is SO much easier than speaking aloud. The words seem to flow better or something when no one is waiting for me to respond. About a month ago, I started to feel led to email him more frequently than I normally do. In the past, I sent maybe 2 emails a month. Last month, I was sending him an email every week. I would get this inspiration to expound on a topic we brought up in therapy earlier in the week. Other times, I would say things that I felt really needed to be said but had not been, for one reason or another.

I’m sorry for rambling, but my basic concern has to do with an email I sent him this past Wednesday (the day after a session).
It’d be easier if I just typed the part of the email that is really bothering me:

“Right now, I’ve been trudging along, but I feel overwhelmed really quickly and I just want to stop everything and curl into a ball or something. My mind kinda shuts off or shuts down. It’ll just stop thinking. The only things I’ll be able to do are play games or watch tv, anything that doesn’t require any real focus or mental energy. I think that’s part of the reason why I’ve been sending you so many emails lately. I’m trying to share certain things or bring stuff up when my mind is actually focused on it because it’s so sporadic that I may forget by the time I see you again.”

I’m so embarrassed about this! :bag: I’m showing him how weak I feel and letting him know how utterly exhausted I’ve been feeling. I feel like a baby, a small child. :( I’m really smart, but I do forget to share really important things with him a lot of the time. I sometimes think I’m partly sabotaging myself or putting up a defense mechanism that tries to stop me from telling him the truth about how I feel. I’ll struggle to write an email and then struggle to simply send it!

I have really wanted to send him emails more regularly lately, but I hesitate because I’m afraid of “sharing too much.”
Do you all think it’s weird that I want to send him emails more frequently right now? Do you think “sharing too much” is even possible in therapy? Does anyone else struggle with a tough-girl/tough-guy bravado act (even if your T can see right through it)?

I’m really hurting, but I hate the fact that I want to expose my wounds to my T. :cry:
Again, sorry for the length. Thank you for reading!

 

[gnirolockoob]

AFAIK It's normal to develop an emotional reliance/dependency on your T. I do struggle with a tough girl bravado act and I wouldn't want to be too dependent on my T and neither do you if I read your post right. I think an alternative to emailing him too frequently is to write in a journal instead and show it to him on your sessions. And as to sharing too much... I feel like I'm also in the same situation and regret opening my mouth :(

 

[Stanley Shi-Yume]

I have a spoiler alert for you- vulnerability is a good thing. what you just described above is honesty. to share that with the right person even though it feels really uncertain, you trust them, that is authenticity.

The way out is through: Sharing that pain is what allows us to feel human, and practicing authenticity in this way is the hardest thing


Echoing the above I tend to write lots and lots, which gives me things to say when there is an opportunity to share. I will find that first form for a lot of what I write is a draft of Email that I just wasn't able to send. I am the same way, my brain will not help me out much to jump from what I've written to say and the Now-context where I need to say it

 

[fyredrift23]

Thank you both for your replies. They were very helpful!

I think an alternative to emailing him too frequently is to write in a journal instead and show it to him on your sessions. And as to sharing too much... I feel like I'm also in the same situation and regret opening my mouth :(

Yeah, I think the journaling thing is a good idea. It would give me time to organize my thoughts/feelings so that I can focus in on what I'm trying to say when I do share with him. I used to journal all the time, but I've kind of come away from it now. Maybe it's time to go back ;)
I'm glad someone else understands regretting sharing, but I'm also sorry you're feeling ambivalent, too. It sucks, I know. :(

I have a spoiler alert for you- vulnerability is a good thing. what you just described above is honesty. to share that with the right person even though it feels really uncertain, you trust them, that is authenticity. The way out is through: Sharing that pain is what allows us to feel human, and practicing authenticity in this way is the hardest thing

Love the "spoiler alert" lol. I gotta agree with you here (even though I don't want to!). You've explained vulnerability and its importance so well! My T talks to me about this all the time, and I get it mentally, but, like you said, practicing being authentic is hard. You've really helped me see that I can trust myself more and believe that I can tell when I've found what, or who, I need :)

 

[BloomInWinter]

Go with whatever works. Finding tools which help you heal is something to be celebrated, but I sure would have thought that a pile of :poop: a year ago.

Finally sharing our wounds with someone who is capable of helping heal them is also a milestone to celebrate, especially for those of us with deeply hidden psychological wounds. Far too many sad souls lack the courage, opportunity, or support to be able to learn how to be vulnerable to a therapist, hence why they cannot bring themselves to go.

You have much to be proud of. I know it doesn't feel like it, but re-read your posts in a few years and you'll be amazed at how differently you'll feel about this.

 

[rightkindofme]

You know... ask him. I would do it in session so you can see the facial expressions. "At what point will emails from me start to feel intrusive or inappropriate?" Everyone has a different answer.

I have had therapists tell me that any emailing is inappropriate because our relationship only exists during the actual time we are together. I have had therapists say that as long as I don't expect answers I can go ahead and send them every day and they will read them and talk about stuff with me during session. You never know until you ask. :)

 

[fyredrift23]

Finally sharing our wounds with someone who is capable of helping heal them is also a milestone to celebrate, especially for those of us with deeply hidden psychological wounds.

Thanks for this, BloomInWinter. I never thought of the therapeutic relationship in that way. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement :) It's funny because I was just looking over some of my posts from earlier this year, and it really did help me see my progress much clearer.

You know... ask him. I would do it in session so you can see the facial expressions. "At what point will emails from me start to feel intrusive or inappropriate?"

What an excellent suggestion (duh! lol). I'll be seeing him tomorrow, and I plan on asking him then. He's said in the past that it's ok to email him, but, yeah, I don't know where that limit might be (if there even is one!).

Thanks again :)

 

[Lucycat]

I email and text my T when I feel the need, but also am aware that he is not on duty 24/7 just for me. Also I have 2 email addresses for him. One personal and one work. I never abuse the difference and send/receive jokes through his personal one and reserve the work one for genuine discussion and concerns.

I don't email very often - probably not more than once a month. At other times, I write things down for discussion at the next session. Last session after the pleasantries he started to get the headphones out ( for EMDR) and said 'OK you want to tackle the fear of spiders'. I replied 'we will come to that, I want to discuss my list first!' He burst out laughing. We both know that it has taken a long time for me to take control in a therapy session. Actually when we got to the end of my list I was able to explain why I did not even need the EMDR for this session.

 

[euca]

Huh. I don't have an email address for my T. I'd quite like to, but I do think I change my point of view so much during the week between sessions that maybe it is for the best. Maybe it is because I'm still quite new to T. I just wanted to add about the journaling, I enjoy writing too and find it much easier than talking. Over a week the themes of the session and what is happening in my brain as I process it become clearer in my journal so I know where I am for the next session. I also write lists in it so that I don't forget to tell him things, because I have a terrible memory. I also write him letters, but only once have I actually given him one, usually they just allow me to draft, or rehearse my words.

I don't think you should worry about sharing too much, or be too vulnerable with your T, that is what he there for, although saying that...I want my T to think I'm tough enough to handle this reprocessing, I don't really want to tell him how hard I fall each week. But get too dependent, yes that is more concerning I think personally, and I worry about this. It sounds like maybe that is what is happening to you. I think you should talk to him about it, the emailing and the dependency. Good luck with that!

 

[The Albatross]

You know... ask him. I would do it in session so you can see the facial expressions. "

I think I would be careful in over estimating my ability to discern accurately what people would be thinking or feeling by using facial expressions. Listening to the words spoken and interactive communication is the best way to resolve the issue. Interpretations of facial expressions are skewed by perspective and poor substitute for meaningful dialogue. Not nearly as accurate.

 

[The Albatross]

When in therapy, I had no contact in between sessions. If I was in crisis, I could move up the appointment and even if he was fully booked he'd work me in by seeing me at 7 a.m. I was okay with that as I realized that I was one of many clients.

 

[rightkindofme]

I think I would be careful in over estimating my ability to discern accurately what people would be thinking or feeling by using facial expressions. Listening to the words spoken and interactive communication is the best way to resolve the issue. Interpretations of facial expressions are skewed by perspective and poor substitute for meaningful dialogue.

I meant particularly as opposed to asking the question in an email. I don't mean that someone should solely rely on facial expressions.

I didn't mean to imply so.