Should A Therapist Show Compassion?

[jesse]

Good luck Iam I admire you I wouldn't have the guts to go back and confront him. I hope it all works out well for you.
Jesse

 

[Blondie]

I know there are older threads on this...just couldn't find them. i don't know if my regualr T has never really acknowledge that he sees my emotion on the rare occassion that I display it. My new psych does and I am finding that it helps to opening me up. It could be just that the new psych is a female. IDK...she tells me things like, "The little girl in you is going to have plenty of support this time. We are going to do this together as a team." With my other T it seems all more like on the intellectual level. We talk about feelings, but I don't display them. I wish he would or could find a way to help me show them when I am there. Do any of you have an ideas on how to do this?

I think compassion helps. The one thing I hate is when I say something and he madly starts jotting something down on his pad. I immediately think he is writing "this girl is crazy". I often wonder, is he writing something or sketching ponies. Not sure.

 

[Iam]

LOL....sorry to laugh Blondie. Someone else said that exact same thing in anther thread some time ago. I think we all react to the scribbling things down. We have learned to be distrustful and expect judgement, At least until we ask about it. I asked once and my T offered to let me read it. I know that he is just making notes to help him remember and to sort out what is important. If it makes you uncomfortable, ask him what he is writing. I think it is important that we be completely honest with our Ts about what we are thinking and feeling. I know how hard that is for me to do and sometimes I have to write it out for him so that I can hand it to him instead of verbalizing it to start with.

 

[jesse]

The whole frantic scribbling thing makes me very uneasy too. I try to look away when that happens so I don't freeze up. I really hate shrinks who insist on recording therapy sessions. I don't think this is done much anymore thankfully. Hey Iam how did things go with your male T (if its OK that I ask)?

 

[Iam]

Well I ended up in the hospital after I emailed him so I missed the next session, my hubby went for me. Then when I got out that's all we talked about. He was out with surgery last week. Sooooo, tomorrow is the day that if I have the guts I will bring it up to him. The closer it gets the more I feel like chickening out! The roads are supposed to be super icey tomorrow so our session tomorrow may be cancelled......ooohhh is that bad of me to hope? LOL!

Seriously, confronting him with it terrifies me. I don't know why, but it honestly does. I made a list yesterday of what all my different egos need from him. The exercise was really quite interesting. Part of me is angry with him for not validating the feelings I had when I told him last month about a gang rape. I am mad at him for being late 5 out of the last 6 sessions too. Though he does always call at the time we're supposed to meet to tell me he is on his way. IDK....definitely have some issues to work out with him. I think that if I state it correctly he will be really pleased that I am using that communication skill. Gah, I am such a chicken!

 

[Jawn]

You're not a chicken Iam. You just need the zap from the cattle prod is all! ;)

Give him the list you made and let him read it. Then discuss it. I know it's not really that easy, but give it a try. Things have worked out with him before when you were afraid to bring something up. Why would this be any different?

You are stronger than you think. Hang in there.


Jawn

 

[Iam]

Aw thanks Jawn. We will see ;)

 

[jesse]

(((Iam))) hope it went well today. Are you afraid he will reject you? That is a reasonable fear if you have been abandoned emotionally by loved ones, especially if that abandonment resulted from you expressing your feelings. Maybe I'm just full of s#%t it's OK to tell me that if I am being annoying. Promise I won't be mad if you did. ;)

 

[Deleted member 5760]

My personal opinion on what makes a good therapist is that they have to be beyond 'booksmart'. Every patient is different and so running down a list and spouting a lot of facts at a patient probably isn't going to get a therapist very far if the patient doesn't have any real understanding of their disorder yet.

I think part of what makes an excellent therapist is any ability to engage the patient. To read cues - words, tangents, body language, etc. The worst therapist I ever had was like a textbook. The T I have now I find incredibly easy to work with. Her answer wasn't 'just shove her full of pills and sedate it'. She obviously has a very good understanding of PTSD and the 'journey' it takes to get to managing it. I also think good therapists are open to more than one form of therapy. What works for one might not work for another. And several forms might work well together.

And on the flipside - I think patient's know when they've found the right one because they find themselves opening up more easily. It goes well beyond 'well I know all the facts'. A lot of it is establishing rapport. So if you find a T you have a rapport with stick with it, even if some sessions feel like an 'off day'. If you have a T that simply is not working for you one little bit - change. It's your money after all.

 

[AdamAnt]

Hey Iam, I think you're lucky to have both points of view! Your T can maybe give you the inner dialog of how a male thinks...not neccessarily right, but it IS a good thing to be able to understand, yes? Can definately see how that would be irritating! HA! sometimes as a male I can't believe I just thought that!:)

You seem to have a good inner compass when you have all the info, so I'm sure after you talk with him you'll do what's right for you.

 

[Iam]

Jesse, yes I think fear of rejection is at the heart of it. Jen, I totally agree and I do connect with him. He does not specialize in PTSD so I am working on that with my trauma specialist and doing more of the CBT stuff with this T. I don't think he is text book at all, maybe just the opposite. And Adam, he very definitely gives a male's perspective which is good, but it is infuriating at times....MEN! Oh, sorry, did I post that thought? LOL, heehee!

Well we didn't get to my list today. He had some other things that he very much wanted to talk with me about. Our session went way over and their still wasn't time to go over the list I had in front of me. Maybe I was just chicken? IDK... Just didn't get a good opening to do it. I did tell him that it is very hard for me to tell him when I am frustrated with him and he said that it is important that I do, because he works for me not the other way around. I did tell him that I need more structure, things that I am to specifically work on during the week and then I need him to hold me accountable. I mentioned that I have withdrawn more and feel anxious getting together even with close friends. He actually felt that was a sign that I was moving towards more intamacy and that part of me was afraid of it. Yeah.....he's right on that. He really wants my husband to come in once a month to make sure things are going well there. My hubby said absolutely not, but then later said he'd think about it. The thing about my T wanting him to come in once amonth is that I realize he isn't dumping me now that I have a trauma T. That was a relief. No rejection.

Anyway, sorry to ramble. It was a good session even though I didn't get to my list.
Wait...... come to think of it, I did mention the email. He said that he had been planning on writing something out and emailing it to me and my trauma T. He had been pretty drugged up after his knee surgery and then had a moment of very clear thinking on the email and some things that my Trauma T had left in a voicemail for him. Just got too busy to write it out after he was feeling better. That also tells me that he has been thinking about what I emailed him. Makes me feel that he does care.

 

[Jawn]

Iam, he does care and it's good news that he shared all of that with you. Maybe you should email him your list that you didn't get to discuss. Prep him for next time. ;)

Hang in there,

Jawn