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General Shut outs/blocking

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Ladyboss I'm so sorry!

One thing I do want to say is this - he may not know how PTSD affects him and couldn't tell you how it might show up in a relationship. And if he had only just started therapy a few months before all of this, it makes sense that he would start getting in a dark place.

I hear your side loud and clear. You did nothing wrong! I do see how he would misconstrue and get very hurt by the situation, but with his irrational state, he could not discuss it. It does suck big time.

As time goes on, he will cool off and process, I am sure. That is when he may reach out to discuss. Or he may carry that hurt and also maybe embarrassment and shame and not be able to do that. I know how marines can be!! But since he is in therapy I am hopeful there is a bigger chance that he will process this and be able to talk to you about it.

My guy is one of those manly males who in general has a hard time to discuss and process emotions, and he is not in therapy (unless he hides that from me), and he will usually take weeks to cool off, process and think, gulp down his embarrassment, and reach out to me again. And I don't think he realizes that it's PTSD that causes his actions and poor coping and reactions. But again, he keeps a lot to himself so maybe he does. He has just blamed his career making him this way in the past.

Anyway, I'm glad you are here to process and share your stuff. I hope it's helping you some.
 
I did also want to add something to what NaeNae said about sharing on this forum. I can't tell you how often I get anxious and paranoid that my guy will come on here and see my posts and know it's me. Even if it is anonymous!

I feel like he would hit the roof and never speak to me again. And the reason he would do that is from his shame and insecurities. He does not want to be weak or I'll or anything of the sort and he would hate me coming here to share his state of mind, for one, but also he would hate it because he would know how upset it makes me.

I know that he does not like his reactions and behavior. It upsets him a great deal. He would not be happy that I am sharing this on this forum.

Ladyboss, I know this kind of thing has a lot to do with how your guy reacted. Add to it that it was a male friend, boom!!

I know you know that, but just realize it could take a long time for him to process this.
 
My vet broke up with me because I had a conversation with his adult son on facebook. His son initiated it and I was only trying to be friendly and polite. The break up didn't last long but it means I am no longer on facebook and that I have made a point of not developing relationships with his adult children. My vet says it was a betrayal of his trust and a violation of his privacy for me to have a conversation with his son that he was not a party to.

Like Buttercup I think if my vet found out about my being on this forum he would break up with me. Sadly, I'd probably be okay with that.
 
Thank you Buttercup,
You hit some very valid points.
My ex had only been in therapy maybe eight sessions before we began dating. I would agree with you saying he didn't understand the depth of his PTSD, nor did he have the awareness of how it affected him emotionally. It was truly the blind leading the blind. And yes, his pride was damaged by me confiding in another man, understandably so. However, the PTSD would not let him move toward forgiveness and reconciliation. He lived in a black and white world. I hurt him. End of story. End of relationship.
I'm not looking to reconcile with him at this point. Too much irreparable damage has occurred. Not only did the damage destroy our relationship, but the damage traumatized me. I'm doing some serious hard emotional, mental and physical work to heal from this experience. The dialog in this forum, insight from you and others, is also part of the healing. It brings about a much deeper level of understanding and with understanding comes a forgiveness.
You must be an incredibly strong woman and I admire you for that. I will continue to pray for healing for both supporters and sufferers of this world. Hugs!!
 
My vet broke up with me because I had a conversation with his adult son on facebook. His son initiated i...
@Sighs....My ex often talked about integrity, trust, honor, fidelity and so on. He was very proud of his moral codes. I broke his trust and it was a deal breaker for him. My ex told me he'd NEVER trust me again. Sadly, along with his codes, he failed to encompass forgiveness, compassion, humility and grace. The PTSD made his world black and white. You fail him, it's over. It was the only big storm in our relationship, and it blew the house down.
This is part of the military training, I think especially when being in war. Their word is everything. It could be a matter of life or death for some.
 
I’m reading this thread very intently. I don’t want to interrupt the conversation but what @Sighs said hit a spot in my heart.....that part that she sadly would be ok if her vet broke up with her if he found out she was on this site.

I went through a huge issue with my sufferer not trusting me because she thought or believed I was unfaithful or otherwise violating a sacred integrity. I, too, closed my FB account and socially hid in a box so as not to upset my sufferer. I think I even wrote about it here a few months ago. Limiting myself because of the reactions of my sufferer actually damaged me more than I realized. My therapist helped me work through that.

So now I talk about my role as a supporter to those in my life who will help hold me up emotionally including all of you here. My intentions and thoughts are honorable. If my sufferer ever found out, then so be it and, like @Sighs , I’d probably be ok with that.
 
My guy was going through a flare up and in the midst of it he started going through my cell phone reading texts I had sent to friends. He read text messages I sent to a male friend about my sufferer having PTSD and how it was very stressful on our relationship. These text messages were sent to this friend because I was reaching out for support. It was at that time I had begun to see the depth of my ex's PTSD and it was overwhelming for me. I was still in the very early stages of truly understanding how PTSD affects relationships, but I knew something was very wrong with our relationship.

Well, PTSD really had nothing to do with really ( maybe afterwards) but this is really old school and super insecure, anyway. He never thought about your privacy which was the first mess--up. The second mess-up was not giving you the benefit of the doubt, what the other person merant to you, but over-all he views PTSD as an insecurity and thought the idea would grow in group of friends. He was busted and couldn't hang out with your friends anymore ( not like he ever would, but) You were talking behind his Back and that was it.

So, it's a good thing ended really, for both of you. He would have never trusted you again. MANY men are very private. That shown as an insecurity ( wound to the ego) in the male "hood", I don't know what he was doing but he certanly did the drama, then you got sucked into this with his reactions.That's known as explosive. After that happens, no one can go back to what it was.

I'm sorry you had to go through. Also, I wanted to add that I responded to this post because it came up in another thread.
 
Well, PTSD really had nothing to do with really ( maybe afterwards) but this is really old school...
@Deanna's Gap Yes...This relationship never had a chance, really. My ex didn't trust in ANYBODY. He saw humanity as generally bad. He even admitted to this. I knew it would just a matter of time before I made a mistake, broke his trust, hurt him, etc. I mean...I am human, right? Tell me of a relationship where two people don't unintentionally or intentionally hurt one another....it's called BEING HUMAN. LOL.
He had a double standard for everything in his life. Whether that was PTSD or just a serious character flaw...I don't know.
After he read the texts, he accused me of cheating on him and having long in-depth conversations about his PTSD to to person I confided in. All of which was completely false. He was so irrational. He was in a different reality...a false reality.
He never gave me an opportunity to tell him the truth about the texts or the person I wrote them to. To this day, he still believes in his reality.
The ending of our relationship was verbally violent. In the midst of his rage, he made a threat to beat me to death.
Although I fell in love with this man, there is no way I could ever be with him again after what I experienced. I mean, how could I go back to something like that, hope to forget what happened, but then wonder when it's gonna happen again??
For me, the damage inflicted was irreparable.
Best of luck to you, your boyfriend, and your cat! :)
 
@Deanna's Gap Yes...This relationship never had a chance, really. My ex didn't trust...
Too paranoid... sheesh..I'm not that paranoid.. but I'm medicated so I'm better.I see a psychiatrist and a therapist and so does my boyfriend. I'll try to upload some picks of my cat. She's special really. I'm glad she is in my life. I'm so sorry that you had that experience. He sounds like an absolute nightmare..
 
Nae Nae and Buttercup,
Thank you both for your insight. This forum and personal feedback is so helpful,...
I’m my @LB226! It’s like you were living my life; word for word verbatim. My ex accused me of betraying him because I confided in a friend; I had no one else to turn to. He shut me out and isolated in November and I really haven’t had a real conversation with him since. I’m definitely growing weary.
 
Nae Nae75,
Let me just start of by saying I feel no judgment from you in regard to my situation and break...
I definitely feel your pain @LB226! I’m there right now. I used to say to my ex sufferer,”please give me room for error”. I didn’t know at the time that I would one day be in the position of mending a broken heart. I’m still hoping and praying for us to at least speak about what went wrong.
 
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