Sufferer Sleepy Daughter

[scout86]

Sorry about your friend. I've lost a couple friends to suicide as well. It's hard enough, feeling like I didn't do enough, or the right things, say the right things, all of that. I can't even imagine having to watch, especially from a distance where all you could do is watch.

Our dreams are part of the way our brains work through things. It's hard for me to believe that, in time, your nightmares couldn't at least become less common and less disturbing. I really think there is hope, if you can find the right kind of help.

There's a feature on the forum called "trauma diaries." Check it out, you might find it very helpful.

"Anger" is a perfectly legitimate emotion that needs to be expressed too. You have every right to feel it and I think you'll be better off if you CAN express it. A trauma diary or a journal, are ways to do that. My friend who killed himself most recently, I sent an email too, telling him he was an idiot, that I thought we'd talked about "this" and how angry I was that he'd robbed me of the chance to talk him out of it, etc. I've written them both a couple of letters. It doesn't CHANGE anything, exactly, but it did make me feel a bit better. Maybe because it gives me a chance to do something with the anger, the hurt, the guilt, all that?

Welcome to the forum! (I also have Norwegian relatives. Stavanager, Olso, Nottodden. other places as well, i think Some day I hope to go visit and explore!)

 

[intothelight]

@Lexi H Welcome to the forum!

who have all told me that there is nothing that can be done, I'll either get over it one day, or I'll have it for the rest of life.

I am sorry that is the message that you have been sent as I hope by reading the information here, the posts of the other members, and possibly finding a good trauma therapist, you will find that there is a lot that can be done. Sleep is extremely important and the insomnia that people with PTSD experience is extremely debilitating emotionally, mentally and physically. There are some really good posts on sleep and sleep hygiene you may find helpful.

For myself I found that eliminating or restricting caffeine, processed foods, and daily exercise and yoga were really effective in helping me to get a better handle on the amount and quality of sleep that I experienced. Also, by doing these things there was no way I was going to cause any damage or make it worse.

I hope you find the information and support here beneficial.

 

[joeylittle]

Welcome, @Lexi H. It's hard to keep going after doctors tell you there's nothing that can be done. You're doing great just by continuing forward. I hope you have a chance to do a lot of reading here, there's tons of great information, and learning is always empowering.

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Lexi,
If you are taken back to the event with more than just one aspect of it present for an example, lets say you get both the visual memories and the fear there. That would be a flashback, it could also include other combinations of senses or feelings like smells, tastes pain etc.

It's more than just a simple, relatively emotionless re-telling of the event.

The aims of various therapies would be to reduce the memory's, and things which remind us of it, ability to cause stress, and hopefully eventually to completely de-fuse its ability to cause us distress.

Complex trauma would be multiple traumatic events over a period of time or perhaps even separated by significant periods of time, which have the effect of dysregulating, or wrongly conditioning a persons stress responses. What traumatises a particular individual is subjective - we're all different.

Some of the researchers (eg Judith Hermann ) have proposed a seperate diagnosis of "Complex PTSD" ( C-PTSD ), arguing that the more usual definition of PTSD, derived from a massive single event (most of the early work on what we now call PTSD, was based on those who had suffered wartime trauma) fails to fully describe what is seen in people who suffered childhood abuse and (or) neglect*. The various psychiatric manuals have so far rejected incorporating C-PTSD, arguing that the diagnosis should be PTSD - complex trauma. I'm not sure how well these categories might represent a "map" trying to describe a territory - or criticisms of a territory for not conforming to the map.

Away from the arguments about classifications and names (remember the week long conference which the ents held in Lord of the Rings?), there is pretty good science coming from several different directions (eg MRI scans of people with PTSD, Robert Sapolsky's work on stress in primates etc) that long term high levels of the cortisol stress hormones have a very strong deleterious effect on the parts of the brain controlling memory and learning (hippocampus), and also mood and mood regulation (medial prefrontal cortex), including loss of cells and loss of connectivity between cells and measurably smaller size of those structures - in that respect, PTSD causes actual physical damage to the brain.

*"neglect" is again subjective - a new mother following (the completely baseless) advice that "babies need a routine" would probably never dream of neglecting her baby - the perception of the baby crying between "feeding times" and the implicit lessons in causes and effects (I'm abandoned and at risk from predators, crying for help is evidently futile) could be quite different, and have lifelong consequences.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Welcome, @Lexi H . I have found a lot of support here and comfort in knowing that I am not alone. I hope you find the same. Spend some time reading various threads on topics that interest you- there are plenty on nightmares and sleepless nights. I can certainly relate to those.

 

[Justmehere]

I had very bad insomnia for years. It got to the point where my whole body was breaking down under just the stress of the sleep deprivation.

I eventually saw two sleep medicine doctors - one of them was a huge help. He did a sleep study, and then worked with me to help re-train my body and brain that it was ok to sleep. He also helped with figuring out medication that helped me get sleep until my brain re-learned on its own how to sleep again.

It really helped with everything else once I started to get sleep again. I got so used to never really being able to sleep much, I didn't realize how it impacted me - but I still had been trying so hard with so many people to figure it out. Finally it was the sleep medicine doc who was able to help me get better sleep.

Now that I'm in trauma therapy, it gets worse at times, but then it gets a lot better. I have been starting to even be able to nap on rare days. My body and brain used to never let me be able to do that.

It would make sense that your stomach and sleep issues could both reflex underlying anxiety - and/or that the lack of sleep itself could be making your physical health worse.

I hope that you find a solution that works for you.

 

[GWhizz]

If you navigate through the 'forums' area you will find a section for 'trauma diaries' - one for members and another for guests I think. Like intros, you're limited to one trauma diary, but you can keep adding to it as it's always there to keep up. Maybe just play around with the site when you've time and you'll soon get to know the layout. Also the helpdesk is always on hand to answer specific queries about the site.

I find this site easier to seek help than therapy. I guess it's the anonymity of it and the fact that others here can genuinely relate to similar experiences. My T is great, but we are worlds apart in reality and there's also the formality of therapy which makes it difficult for me to talk in that environment. This site is informal and easygoing for all of these reasons, and the fact that it 'normalizes' ptsd for me. Like you said, you've never met anyone with ptsd before this site. But you don't actually know this as fact. Because we don't advertise it to others for so many reasons. Beyond your close family/therapists/loved ones, you probably keep it to yourself too. It's a lot to carry especially trying to function as best as we can and not let it dominate our lives. I too can barely manage a mere couple hours sleep which is even impossible to achieve sometimes - trying to manage a job, family, normal life stresses etc, with just a single hour of therapy per week, just wasn't enough for me if I'm honest. Yes I can text or call my T at any time. But at the same time I can't do that as much as I'd like to as I'd probably say a lot that I'd regret. At least here I can come and talk and have others rationalize my thoughts/feelings a bit 1st, especially during unsocial hours lol, and from there I can decide if it's helpful or not to take it further and discuss it with my T, and whether it's urgent or could maybe wait until my next session to bring it up.

 

[Lexi H]

KwanYinGirl: Thank you, what is Reiki? Sounds different :)

Scout86: I'm sorry about your friends :( it is hard to go through, I think what helps the most is knowing that at least they're no longer in any more pain... I personally find that atleast somewhat comforting. I'd like to be able to email my friend but unfortunately I had to cut all contact with his account and his family... his father got quite abusive towards me blaming me since I was the last person to talk to him alive. Were you able to go to the funerals? It's been suggested to me to hold my own little funeral for my friend by myself since I didn't get to go, and don't even know where the grave is...somewhere overseas. And definately go travelling :) Norway is a beautiful country from what I remember, but have gone to Europe a few times, miss it dearly.

Anarchy: You know a lot about PTSD :) Is it normal if you suffer from PTSD to have other events affect you in weird ways? Such as a nightmare months after the event?

GWhizz: I would have thought it would be difficult to relate on here without going into detail of the event (obviously as to not upset or trigger others who may see it)? And yes, I may know quite a few people with PTSD being in Emergency Services and all, but I personally don't mind sharing with people, if someone wants to know why I'm always so tired or can't watch particular types of movies I have no problem telling them. I guess that's because I've accepted that what happened, happened, and there's nothing I can do about it? I'm not sure.... for the first year after my trauma I couldn't say the words... now... no problem...... does that make me odd?

 

[Eleanor]

Hi @Lexi H, Welcome to the forum! I'm also sorry you have had such bad luck with therapists. Trauma is a serious thing, and can't just be poo-poo'ed away. (obviously to anyone from here!) And sleep deprivation is not to be treated lightly. For what it is worth, and I know this is difficult for people who are "nice" and get along well with others - you may have to fire a few more therapists and doctors before you find ones who know what they are doing. There is a danger on the "patient" side too of minimizing one's suffering - because it is "polite" to do so. Gory details are the stuff of office visits. There is no cause to be polite or protect others' feelings when they have a lot of letters after their name and you are paying for their time. (I bring this up because of several experiences with people who make things "no too bad" when talking to others.) I have no idea if this dynamic might be at work with you - but if it is it makes it hard to get effective help, and you are functioning so professionals are likely to blow you off.

Have you been evaluated for food allergies/sensitivities? Does anxiety run in your family? Those are the two most common causes of chronic digestive upset - and both can be very effectively managed! And when they are it makes life SOOOOO much better.

Hang in there! And know that life with sleep is so very much better than life without, and you don't have to live a life without enough sleep forever.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I have had PTSD all my life, most likely, but didn't receive my diagnosis until 4 years ago.

I had a lifetime of terrible stomach problems too. Part of my problem was a true milk allergy, and now that I avoid it, it's better.

However, a large part of the problem that went undiagnosed was the post-hypervigilance "dumping" syndrome, for lack of an actual term. Whenever I'd be triggered into a hyper-vigilant state, I'd be able to "get through" whatever it was triggering me. But, once my brain deemed me "safe" - such as no longer in the meeting I was in, or finally getting home after a stressful work day, my digestive system would just dump everything I had eaten at once. I'd have to run for the bathroom, and I'd have terrible stomach pains like daggers. Much of the food was undigested.

I noticed this, documented it in a notebook over several months, and this was and remains a pattern. I don't get that hyper-vigilant much anymore. I used to go through days to weeks of it. Now, maybe just once every week or two. But every time, it's like my digestive tract stops digesting and just holds my food there, until I'm in a safe place. Like a "fight or flight" syndrome after the predator is gone.

I have yet to find any evidence that this has been documented for anyone else but me. Maybe it's just a coincidence. But the more I meditate, ground myself over and over through stressful events, and take self-protective action, the less time I have to spend in the bathroom.

I used to spend hours in there every day. I'd hard for me to believe how much better this has gotten since therapy.

There is always hope. Just the skills alone that I learned here from the wonderful people on this forum have greatly increased my quality of life. You are not alone. Your pain is not meaningless. Your suffering is able to be eased through reading, sharing, picking some suggestions you see here and trying them, and speaking gently to your traumatized self.

Hang in there. Everyone who told you that there was nothing that could be done was wrong. There is always an answer out there, even if we have to find it for ourselves.

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Lexi,
I'm constantly amazed by the different aspects of stress responses that I'm coming across.

I can't comment on nightmares from personal experiences - I can flash back / re live stressful events with the stress present, but I don't really get nightmares, and my main "flashbacks" don't have conscious content, only emotional states, and urges, normally to isolate myself and hide.

However, from what you've described yourself, It would be very difficult to argue that nightmares containing images and feelings from that event, and starting very soon after it (ok - I admit it would be very odd if they's started before), are not part of the stress response.

I'll see if I can find the title of the John Briere paper where he discusses a possible role for flashbacks in gradually de-sensitizing a traumatic event. If you feel like checking it out before I get back, it's linked from his site.

As to other effects of stress responses, if you think in humans in terms of all of the spheres of our existence together; our biological, psychological, physical, and social, they all interact and any change will affect all of them.

Purely from the biological side, the stress hormones which circulate innapropriately and for long periods of time, can have some seriously unusual effects; for example the Cortisol, as well as affecting learning and memory, and killing brain cells, can also result in weight gain on your torso, thinning, drying and stretching of your skin, dry, brittle hair and even hair loss from some places where you want hair and hair growth from places you don't, changes in skin pigmentation, in-growing hairs and skin tags. problems regulating blood sugar, insulin resistance... and even if it isn't primarily responsible for your digestive problems, it won't be helping.

 

[scout86]

@Lexi H , it didn't work out so I could go to either funeral. The first time, because I lived a ways a way and no one thought to call me until after the fact. (But, the last time I'd seen him, I'd "known" something was wrong and didn't have time really talk to him.....) The more recent time, we had actually made promises to each other about things we'd make sure got done at the funeral, depending on who outlived who. It was a complicated situation, lets just say that. He lived 1200 miles away and I got the call the day before the "funeral" which doesn't sound like it was anything other than a visitation at the funeral home. No promises got kept. :( I DO know where they are buried and visit both graves when I can. (Neither are real close to where I live. One, obviously is a long ways away.)

I'm sorry your friend's family reacted the way that they did! It was your loss too!!!!! I'm sure that's hard for them to see and they probably find it useful to blame someone other than themselves.

You're right, both of my friends are somewhere where they feel no more pain. At least I hope so! They were both such good guys and I miss them a lot. I wish they could have found an escape that left them in this world. I think it was possible, they just didn't find the help they needed (and deserved) fast enough.

In the case of my first friend, I actually found out where he's buried by Googling his name. Worth a try?

I don't think the fact that you can now talk about your trauma makes you "odd" at all. I think it's a good sign. My therapist says that the process is all about transforming the memories from being stored as "traumatic memories" to being stored as "regular memories". I would think that being able to talk about it is a good step in that direction.