Some Guidance Please On Talking About Self Harm

[CBP]

Hope i am putting this in the right place. I cut myself for the first time on Friday. When i drink usually I am quite fun until I take it too far and have a panic attack. I promised my partner I wouldn't let myself get to that point again. So of course when i went out drinking last night I got crazy drunk which ended up with cutting. I was so upset inside I wanted something physical.
I'm now at my mum's who is looking after me but i missed work today (this is my third job this year.) Thing is i am not so upset about that as i am about having to tell my boyfriend. He has always been supportive but surely everyone has their limit. I just want some advice on how to tell him.

 

[Justmehere]

I'd suggest being clear why it is you are telling him (perhaps so he understands and doesn't worry about the scars), what specific support from him you would like (perhaps for him to listen or problem solve), and what you will be doing to address the symptoms and the unhealthy coping skills you have been using (therapy or other healthy options.) That will help reduce any fear or confusion or helplessness he might feel.

 

[CBP]

Thanks. I just tell him everything but I'm going to get my meds sorted.

 

[The Albatross]

Meds sorted is good, however I think I'd be taking a harder look about how alcohol played a role here, particularly in light of your promise to your partner. You said, " I promised my partner I wouldn't let myself get to that point again. So of course when i went out drinking last night I got crazy drunk which ended up with cutting." So I think I'd be self examining and consulting with your T about this being a potential problem behavior... one that may jeopardize your relationship.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi @CBP , welcome.

 

[Friday]

We all know that drinking relaxes inhibitions. Also known as self control. When I'm hanging on by my fingertips? When all I've got is self control? I can't drink. Rather, I can, and it is an exceptionally bad idea. I've mostly quit drinking over the past couple years, because my self control has been in tatters. And I know exactly where I go when I do that. Sounds like you're just learning where you go : you don't stop, but get crazy drunk, and then either self harm &/or attempt suicide.

Why am I going into ^^^ instead of talking about what/how to tell your boyfriend? Because what/how you tell your boyfriend is determined by why you're telling him. Statement if fact / just being honest is a valid reason. I somehow doubt it's the only reason, nor that he'll simply accept the statement of fact, but actually want to talk about it. Which means, for me, before I tell someone something that is going to elicit a conversation? I need to get my own motivations & expectations clear to begin with. Even if beyond simply being honest, I'm too confused and conflicted to know anything beyond the statement of fact, just knowing that? It lets me approach the conversation without ulterior motives (like if I'm not only confused and conflicted, but afraid and wanting reassurance? That's a different motivation than statement of fact.). Shrug. Just how my mind works.

 

[Justmehere]

Cutting and drinking are both signs of a deeper problems that you are dealing with: the underlying pain you are in, the desire to escape or express pain, and engaging in unhealthy ways to do it. It's good to address any med issues, and I hope you also add in some work on building up replacement coping skills for the next time you face a challenge and you feel the desire to escape or express pain.

Addressing these underlying issues will help you have the long term relationships you need, want, and deserve. :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Totally agree with @FridayJones , & my experience as well.

Do you even have to tell your bf? Cuts can come from many things.

 

[CBP]

Thank you everyone for your support and you certainly have given me things to think about. I was so worried about showing him. But he just gave me a big hug and said everything was ok and told me not to be scared to tell him things.

 

[The Albatross]

Glad it worked out but do examine the relationship between alcohol and acting out/cutting. There was, a reason I expect, for why you promised. Seriously worth investigating.