Ok - this is the only place I can air this out. First let me say that I believe in meds. I've been on Zoloft now for about 4 years. Everyone who needs them should take them. I personally don't like taking them, but I've done it to survive my trauma therapy and keep my job.
Starting about 2 weeks ago my T and I have waded into the hardest part of my rape as an 11 year old. I wanted to die alot back then, and that feeling has carried over throughout most of my life. No real suicide plan, just lots of fantasies of dying so that things wouldn't be hard any more. He bumped my meds up then to a higher level. Then, this past Monday I was suffering a major depressive episode. I cried all the way to his office and we started emdr and I never stopped crying. We are working on a memory I have of laying in the backseat of my parents car listening to them fight. I cant tell them I was raped because I'm afraid of getting in trouble. They don't know so I'm working really hard to forget this ever happened. I'm angry at that part of myself. For alot of things that I have to work out, but finally in therapy I blurted out that I'm angry she didn't kill herself. Just open the car door and end it all.
My T - whom I've had for 4 years and has years of experience - suggested that I add Abilify to my meds. Why wouldn't he just deal with what I was feeling right then? Finally, the demon that makes me feel like dying is in the room and he pitches meds at me. Now, as a disclaimer I will say that was my perception of what happened. I am the first to admit I can dissociate and not remember everything that happened.
What do you guys think. Was he right in this? thanks.
Starting about 2 weeks ago my T and I have waded into the hardest part of my rape as an 11 year old. I wanted to die alot back then, and that feeling has carried over throughout most of my life. No real suicide plan, just lots of fantasies of dying so that things wouldn't be hard any more. He bumped my meds up then to a higher level. Then, this past Monday I was suffering a major depressive episode. I cried all the way to his office and we started emdr and I never stopped crying. We are working on a memory I have of laying in the backseat of my parents car listening to them fight. I cant tell them I was raped because I'm afraid of getting in trouble. They don't know so I'm working really hard to forget this ever happened. I'm angry at that part of myself. For alot of things that I have to work out, but finally in therapy I blurted out that I'm angry she didn't kill herself. Just open the car door and end it all.
My T - whom I've had for 4 years and has years of experience - suggested that I add Abilify to my meds. Why wouldn't he just deal with what I was feeling right then? Finally, the demon that makes me feel like dying is in the room and he pitches meds at me. Now, as a disclaimer I will say that was my perception of what happened. I am the first to admit I can dissociate and not remember everything that happened.
What do you guys think. Was he right in this? thanks.
