Strange Trigger: Does Anyone Else Have This One?

[Flyaway]

Thank God for you guys!!! I woke up feeling so vulnerable, this is so hard for me to talk about... But I know it absolutely necessary to move on! You have all just reduced all the anxiety I was feeling about this post, to a flood of healthy tears- just what I needed!

Ashdawn, you're just amazing- you're like a shining light of hope for me... And I know so many other people! Thanks for helping me to feel that this is just a temporary setback. :happy:

WKat, I wouldn't wish this on anyone! At the same time, I'm SO glad there is another person out there in the same boat!!!

Franciemarnie, I really like that analogy! Soul contract describes it well... I would love to hear how you go about breaking it too! What are you telling your younger self to make it ok to defy the soul contract?

Caroline and Leah, thanks so much for finding the time to identify with me! And for the desperately needed encouragement!

Candleflames, I appreciate the empathy SO much! I spent most of my childhood hiding too- behind the couch, or hiding in a cupboard reading anything that would help me find relief from my nightmare.

Thanks heaps for making this bearable guys :hug: hugs to everyone!

 

[Venusian]

I have this too. I hate being noticed. When I was abducted the man kept telling me how he would watch me. I blocked that out for 40 years but I always hated being noticed for anything. I kept sabotaging myself whenever I had a chance to excel at anything. I would always end up in the middle of the pack so that I remained invisible. Before I remembered I felt like there was something wrong with me, I hated that I did that and I could never change. Anytime someone did notice me I would run, I would hide, I would do anything I could to be forgettable. I am still like that, only now I know what caused it and why I act the way I do and I am easier on myself.

 

[Flyaway]

Thanks Venusian, it's so comforting to know we're not alone in this!!! ...I actually went to the other extreme- is wasn't just about not being noticed for me, it was about being the worst I could be so I wouldn't 'ask for it'. Since my mum didn't value my existence unless I was being her idea of 'perfect' it made for a very confusing upbringing. I guess I sacrificed my mums approval for the most part, to protect myself from the sickos.