Street Harassment, Triggers

[Sunset]

This has been an ongoing problem for me. I've been in a lot of places in life where street harassment is just inevitable. I don't make enough money to avoid the "bad" areas, especially since I don't have a car and rely on public transit. Harassment just seems to be a constant - we're talking when I was working I'd be exposed to it maybe 4 or 5 times in a week. And it's frustrating and triggering and just difficult. It feels like a constant reminder that I'm worth less in other people's eyes, that it's ok because I'm a woman and alone to bother me even when I've clearly indicated I don't wish to be bothered. That so very many men seem to think my presence in public entitles them to treat me badly and ignore my wishes. I feel like I've tried everything and nothing seems to work or get them to go away. Most of the time they ignore polite requests to go away, and rude requests often make them mad and some of them turn scary.

 

[Shorty]

I know im a bloke, But i see what u mean i hang around with loads of women and i can see it when there horriable or flirty with them and i tell them that not to go there. some blokes use it to show off.... the best thing u can do is ignore and smile and say grow up that will put them down and if with there mates are around they will rip it out of them
:)

 

[Ghostybear73]

That is a scary position to be in. Is it possible to at least have some form of protection (mace or something) in case it does get physical? Even if it is never needed, it may at least make you feel a little more in control to just know you have it.

 

[Sunset]

Honestly it's as much that I just plain feel helpless. Like just walking outside by myself means I suddenly lose all right to have boundaries and be treated respectfully. Most of the time they're not physically threatening, just plain maddening. It's when you ignore a guy and he starts talking louder and maybe puts a hand on your shoulder. Or you tell a guy hey I'm trying to read and he calls you baby and tells you don't be like that. And then he keeps right on going.

And of course the only thing that they seem to care about is if I say I have a boyfriend. Nothing else. I don't like lying constantly, especially not that lie because it makes me feel like I'm a stray dog up for claiming. And it reminds me as a young woman how little it seems to matter what I want. It reminds me of being assaulted and then being told well that's just how men are and basically treated as I shouldn't be around men if I didn't want that to happen. It reminds me how terribly ok everyone was with rape, and makes me wonder if it's not because they're so terribly ok with lesser violations as well.

 

[passerine]

I hate that you've had this experience. It is so upsetting. I live in the city, too, and have been cat-called and made to feel unsafe on several occasions and it's always very triggering.

There's a really neat and empowering worldwide movement to end street harassment called 'Hollaback!' Check it out.

This just makes me so angry. We deserve to feel safe out there in the world. Shame on those men.

 

[Ronin]

Reading this just reminded me - also remember running is never a loss of face where your survival & safety are concerned. Whatever you do to protect yourself should things get physical, you're doing it good.

You don't owe anyone anything, they owe you respect and leaving you alone when you don't want to engage them. It's good as a reminder to self even when it doesn't work at the moment. You DO have value, value they can't take away, value that's yours simply cos you exist and are, well, you.

 

[Sunset]

I wish I could run! If I ran though I'd never have a job. I mean, I would if I felt physically threatened, but I also don't have the option when it's frequent to leave just because some guy won't go away. Typically we're dealing with such actions as getting in your face, blocking paths, getting physically too close, sometimes touching a shoulder or arm...things that aren't physically threatening but designed to coerce attention.

Hearing that I have value like that is hard. Not that I don't believe it, but that my brain just goes well what good is some abstract "value" that people ignore? I don't want to have value or whatever so much as I want to be able to enjoy my day without being bothered.