Relationship Suggestions On How To Handle The Isolating?

[Badger]

I have been dating a childhood sexual and physical abuse PTSD sufferer for a few weeks now(we were friends for a few months first). Handling the tendency to isolate is the hardest thing about this relationship. Especially as, being kind of a typical woman you would expect that sex would bring you closer, and it causes him to retreat. He is very present when we are together, but I have figured out that he will text me around once a day max. Any suggestions on how to get reassurance without making him feel pressured?

 

[sisu]

The isolating is very hard for me to handle too. I understand the "why", but I still don't like it. The only way to handle it, is to keep yourself busy with the things you love to do. The more you try to make contact, the more pressured they will feel.

There is a link somewhere on the forum about the "stress cup" - it explains what happens when the stress becomes too much.

Take care.

 

[amethist]

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/#post-173960

Here is the link for the stress cup that sisu mentioned. It can help explain why sometimes the isolate.

 

[Badger]

I guess I could see a relationship as something that would cause good stress, but it could still be stressful. He is agoraphobic, and friday night I took him out to a closed art gallery last weekend...with just paintings and no people. He loved it. He asked me if I knew how huge this was for him to just go out and I said yes.

He says he wants me there, and thinks of me all the time, he just can't see me sometimes.

 

[Meadowsweet]

It is quite normal for couples to spend time apart without regular texting for reassurance.

If I may be honest, if you need that daily reassurance or contact, then it might be the wrong time for you to start dating someone with problems of their own.

 

[DMerish]

Badger,

The best thing you could do for yourself and your boyfriend is to live your own life. Doing so will enrich your life and help you be independent of his ups-and-downs. Doing so will also model to him what healthy individuals do and he'll pick up on that.

Drew

 

[Badger]

Yes to you all. Meadowsweet, Im not planning on giving him up just because we have different patterns of communication. We are both good for each other. I'm coming out of an 8 year long loveless marriage. When I am with him he is very kind and thoughtful, I just feel like I dont know all of the rules of the game, somehow. He's complex, but also very present when he is with me. Very comfortable with talking and connecting in person, I would say.

 

[sisu]

Just take your time Badger. Your relationship is new and getting to know anyone, PTSD or not, takes time. Make sure you always take care of yourself because its easy to get caught up in worrying and wondering what they are doing if you can't make contact. Just stay busy and he will fit into your life - don't allow yourself to become co-dependent.

I'm glad he is kind and thoughtful and you feel comfortable together. Build on that and make sure you keep good boundaries. It will help you greatly if you have those in place from the start.

Take care!!

 

[Badger]

Meadowsweet- one other thought, there is no such thing as someone who does not have problems of their own.