Supermarkets

[ags1]

I am really struggling with supermarkets. My partner has agoraphobia so I often go to the supermarket alone, armed with a shopping list. I struggle to read the list in the supermarket, forgetting what I have and haven't got - I stand frozen in an aisle like an idiot reading and re-reading the list. Decisions cause terrible spikes of anxiety - having to substitue an item leaves me worrying about getting things wrong, getting my partner angry, and then the world will end. Sometimes I buy absurd stuff in a panic. Finding items is another horror - my autism makes it difficult for me to visually process what I see - cue more standing frozen in aisles staring blankly at shelves. At checkout, I start apologizing to people for taking "too long" to pack. I know it's absurd, and the humiliation is intense.

 

[Friday]

Cha. Supermarkets can be brutal.

When I’m having a rough time I either do all/most of my shopping at night, or modernly, have my groceries delivered. Online grocery shopping is AWESOME. Not only do I have about 70 different shops I can find the best prices at, for the most expensive things, but I can add/delete/move stuff around over a period of days if I want to…. Before clicking order. Even then? I can still add/delete up to the last moment. LOVE online grocery shopping.

When I’m taking a written list to a physical store? I organise it by type & aisle, in groups, rather than a bullet point list. IDFK why it annoys people I’ve lived with that I’ll rewrite a list is “groups” (fruit, veg, milk, meats, etc.) I’m the damn person who’s going, and it’s MY list. I’ve just learned to ignore them. I’d rather annoy one person, who has no business being annoyed in the first place; than spin out in public & just have to walk away from the entire damn clusterf*ck with nothing. I’m not exactly sure which is worse… when everything goes all swirly in the middle of an aisle and I just have to leave, or if I’m in line too long, and NOPE! out.

As you’re visual? You might try a photographic list, rather than a written one.

 

[gorgonzola]

I disenjoy going into shops but rather because of hypervigilance turning me into a borderline panicky person who has to watch and simulate the future possible movements of the other people instead of payinh proper attention to the list and shelves.

Unfortunately the missus and I live outside of delivery range, but pickup services are a great middle ground. All a real time-saver too. Covid was/is good for something, at least.

 

[Sideways]

How do people get through the supermarket experience without their list being in the exact order that the products will appear, based on their route through the store??

Direct to boot if not home delivery. Ain’t a thing.

If going in is essential? Sunnies and headphones for sure. It’s stimulus overload in there. Some of our local stores have a set hour a week where they turn the lights and music down for neurodivergent folks to be able to shop, which would be good if it were at a convenient time!

If an item on my list isn’t in stock for whatever reason? I typically just go without! I buy meal-replacement shakes in bulk from the pharmacy so that there’s always backup at home if the weekly shop doesn’t play out the way I need it to!

 

[ags1]

I don't try to organize or sort the shopping list, I find it very hard to be that organized. One thing I do right is accept I am going to wander back and forth getting items in a random way, and I somehow don't shame myself for that. It's just walking.

 

[Ecdysis]

It's weird, isn't it....?

Supermarkets are one of my all-time-ultra-high-stressor-panic-meltdown situations...

And yet I've never had actual trauma happen in a supermarket... So it can't be cos of that. .

What makes them so, so triggering?

The weird log-jam at the checkouts?

Cos in many other stores, like clothing stores, if you decide you want to leave, then you can stroll out, that very second...

Is the being-trapped thing what makes supermarkets so awful?

 

[Survivor3]

I differ from most of the responses here. I enjoy going to the supermarket even when unwell. For me it's like a "Misson". I quite often have a list and can write it roughly in sequence of the store layout. I know how much I can fit into my backpack and shopping bag. I cycle also so it's a bit of exercise aswell. Love that feeling when you get home and you stock the fridge and cupboards with your groceries .

 

[Friday]

What makes them so, so triggering?

1. Stressful.

Being stressful, filling the stress cup.

2. Somewhat worse? They’re DESIGNED to be stressful. As that makes most people spend more money, & buy more things, to self-soothe. (And if you’re at all sensitive/wary to overt manipulation, forced cheerfulness, or “sated” people? It’s going to set your hackles up.) The disassociation that even normal people experience in supermarkets, is kinda thentrefecta for smashing the ALARM! BEWARE! ALERT! ACHTUNG! PELIGRO! DANGER! button.

I’m faaaaar better with markets, bazars, & suks… even though all 3 are so much “wilder” it’s a natural wildness, rather than the artificial one Supermarkets employ; with blazing lights, loud colors, psych profiled marketing, mostly terrible music, aisles juuuuuuuust too small to let people pass each other without touching / crashing their carts, carefully analyzed “what makes people spend the most” organizing, rather than sensible organising, etc., etc., etc..

I’m perfectly fine with Restaurant Supply (acres of brown & white boxes, with only a small sticker indicating the contents), and Costco is peaceful if you don’t have to deal with all the stressed out people (As Costco skips all of the shouting colors & branding & psych-profile-marketing stuff at supermarkets keeps most people docile in supermarket stress; as they’ve got comfort in arms reach, they just keep reaching, and reaching, and reaching… subtract that and you get the angry-Costco-crowd), or if stressed out people is actually soothing TO you, like it is me. (Everyone with fake smiles plastered on their faces? Too loud voices pealing across aisles? Makes. My. Teeth. Itch. But I’m super chill when everyone else is freaking out).

***

Having kids was what finally made grocery shopping fun/easy. As firstly my focus was entirely on them, and making things fun, rather than OMFG Noooooooo. Who needs food? I hate food. Food can f*ck right off. And secondly? Being able to go to the grocery store without kids, was almost like vacation. Again, though, because my focus was still on the kids (their not being there, this time, meant I could move fast) rather than swirled into the black hole of shopping.

 

[gorgonzola]

What makes them so, so triggering?

The weird log-jam at the checkouts?

The checkout queues are the worst for me as there's no way to avoid having my back to someone unless there's absolutely nobody behind me. Absolute worst moment is being pinned to the cashier (whether by quick interaction or payment) while there's someone moving through the checkout behind me.

and Costco is peaceful if you don’t have to deal with all the stressed out people

Ironically Costco is one of the few stores I can't get delivery or pickup from so it's where many of my worst screaming-hypervigilance experiences are from. Just have to do it as late at night as possible.

 

[Sideways]

The checkout queues are the worst for me as there's no way to avoid having my back to someone unless there's absolutely nobody behind me.

Right!? On top of all the stimulation nightmare, it’s a store the size of a sports oval laid out in such a way that no matter which direction you head off in, you’ll have someone coming up behind you the whole time. With a nice little sardines crush at the checkouts before you can escape.

Hell no!

 

[gorgonzola]

The emergency exits are slightly recessed from the flow of foot traffic at Costco, so there's a semi-corner to get into at least for the closest approximation to a breather you can get there.

 

[whiteraven]

I used to HATE grocery stores/supermarkets. I even had a therapist who offered to go with me to work on what was causing my intense anxiety (we didn't do that--I wasn't ready). I don't think I ever figured out what my problem was, but the anxiety improved after a few years. Now I just hate them. LOL