Terrible Effects After Second Emdr Session

[SheenaL]

Hi there!
I was recently diagnosed with ptsd after almost 3 years of therapy and really no progress. I grew up in an alcoholic home that was highly dysfunctional. Just went through a divorce 2 years ago and still dealing with that. I've always have had serious abandonment issues but after my 2nd emdr session 3 days ago it's at an all time high. The session itself went great. Felt like we got through my first big trauma. I just smiling and feeling great. However the last three days have been hell. I don't want to be around anyone, I'm feeling very alone and depressed, wanting to isolate. is this normal? How do you cope?

 

[Intrepid]

Yup. My session 2 weeks ago brought up some really difficult stuff. At the end my therapist asked me if I wanted to do some grounding before I left. I said no, I'd do my normal routine and I'd be fine. Well, I was fine for about 6 hours. Then the anger kicked in. I didn't know it was anger at the time and I didn't know what all those feelings were about, but I did know that the burning in my gut was unbearable. Actually it was bearable. I've been in EMDR for about 8 months and knew what was going to happen. The pain didn't subside. It wasn't until the next EMDR session that the I could finish processing through the issue and get relief. That was 3 days ago. That pain hasn't returned.

Sometimes there's just more to deal with. Sometimes a good session will open doors to something unexpected. My therapist tells me that often things get worse before they get better. That's so true.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Everyone experiences emdr differently; I can only speak of my current ongoing experience. I first started out w/emdr connecting and looping different fragmented memories and trauma to one another and learned a lot and am less anxious and stressed about these fragmented memories which emdr began in I believe 9/22/16. Initially, therapy was every two weeks; then T took sessions to weekly; and for the past weeks (back to back), I have been extremely anxious and hypersensitive to noise, light, sound, and have felt like my mind was close to edge of falling off and losing my mind. Also this weekend especially I have been suicidal and ending my life and I DON'T want to end my life or I wouldn't be putting myself through bleepin' emdr (torture).

Today was worst day since 3/21 last emdr session because I could barely mentally function and could hardly operate computer, cable tv (DVD) etc. Simple tasks were like taking Physics. Post sessions experiencing more intense brain fog, numbing, and inability to perform basic perfunctory home tasks/activities. Crying jags and hot/cold body flashes; moderate to severe headaches, stomach aches too. My brain disconnects (goes off-line so to speak as sensory ie. hearing, seeing, sounds, smells all were very heightened and I am still feeling hyper-vigilant, and literally felt like I am losing what's left of my mind since 3/21 now weekly emdr session.

Extreme paranoia and paralyzing fear struck me this day 3/25 (as did following last week's 3/21 emdr session. This day, I almost went to psychiatric hospital - extremely suicidal (yet would not take my life) however this does not stop permeating S/I thoughts from slapping me in the face. I've had multiple traumas, and at times home life in bldg. in which I live is a bit chaotic which both tend to exasperate emdr process, along with T running cascading light longer than Shapiro sites - being only 30 seconds; T also has been keeping me in front of cascading light box (emdr) for longer periods during session which feels like machine/light is slowly but surely frying my brain.

I will follow my own body's experience and not the experience of others for we are all literally wired differently (brain) and our trauma experiences are not exactly the same; and after reading some material regarding emdr side effects on web today, I learned that what works for one person, may not work for another. I am following my mind and brain that is processing mentally and body pain and I need to cut back on emdr sessions to save my sanity/life. This is my experience and I hope I am entitled to it for I have went through hell in emdr and am seeing results, yet, there is a time to perhaps to examine my gains through emdr, and cut my losses. I shall see when I see T on 4/11 which I believe is next emdr session (T has initiated a two week length of time between 3/21 last emdr session and next one. The paranoia is ramping down this night, and by Monday, mentally and bodily I will not be hurting as much as now from emdr session. Seems like I'm sitting too close to cascading light machine (emdr) T utilizes in session, I'm not sure. (I will check Shapiro link). EMDR is linking memories together and crazy experiences are all now coming together like pieces of a 5000 piece puzzle. And depending on the intensity, quality, and quantity of trauma issues client is seeing T for, plus an erratic home life ie. unstable relationships, serious financial troubles (money matters), emdr experiences during and post sessions, and also healing outcomes - each and every person's experience will be so different - no cookie cutter traumas - no one size fits all trauma memories and our bodies handle trauma so significantly differently through emdr. And because of my multiple sexual, physical, traumas by step-father, and now uncovering bio-father's sexual trauma as well, and because of my mind and body's decades of longstanding history of prolonged complex ptsd and major depressive disorder, body dysmorphia, cutting, earlier alcohol/drug usage; multiple suicide attempts, car wrecks, injuries i.e. concussions, dissociations (multiple - too many to fathom on a number), dyslexia, and my mind's ability and inability to process what emdr is working and continuing each week to do in the linking (connecting) together being traumas linking to traumas, memories linking memories ongoing process is why and will be why each individual's emdr outcome has been and will continue to be individual to that particular persons body/mind/traumas, etc.for me than anyone else's emdr outcome. is going to be as in my case very different than anyone elses emdr experience. I promise I was NOT trying to be preachy here. My brain is batter-dipped and high-cholesterol fried in a deep vat of grease (figuratively) and I did my best to try and answer your post. Hope this helps you. Thank you for your posting. Will help people here. Helped me. JJ

 

[June1960]

My first session was really cautious and then my second session was awful. Same thing of one thing connecting to another. I have been trying to cope with the fallout all week. I can't imagine how I am going to survive this for any length of time. I hope someone comes on and tells us it gets better. I am doing one week EMDR and one week talking about it. So it's been a month. I feel like I have been tricked into doing something really stupid.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Hi there!
I was recently diagnosed with ptsd after almost 3 years of therapy and really no progress. I...

Yup, that is normal, the wonderful roller coaster of PTSD. That is exactly why this condition is sooooo confusing. You know you have made a big step forward, have faced your past traumas and that feels great. Then what happens? The stress, the traumatic experience is imprinted on your brain and you are forced to relive that trauma again, despite the fact that you have already faced and successfully solved the traumatic experience. That is one of those things that has always confused me too.

I am now learning that once trauma is imprinted on the brain it can not be removed. And despite the fact that I can take big strides forward I get thrown back when the emotional pain interrupts because in order to successfully get through those traumatic situations I had to endure severe stress. One comes with the other, the two can not be separated evidently.

 

[SheenaL]

Yup. My session 2 weeks ago brought up some really difficult stuff. At the end my therapist asked me...

Thank you so much for your response. It makes me feel better knowing that it's not just me. After I got a good night of sleep Friday night I felt better for sure

Everyone experiences emdr differently; I can only speak of my current ongoing experience. I first st...

Wow...that's pretty intense! Do Coping skills to help you through? I'm sorry you're experiencing those terrible side effects. Hopefully it will help release everything for you.

My first session was really cautious and then my second session was awful. Same thing of one thing con...

Aww...I know how you feel. I am finally feeling better after a good nights rest. Do you have good coping skills in place ?

 

[Deleted member 37085]

T running machine too long and sessions are too long in front of machine; coping skills in place i.e. E.F.T., Diaphragmatic Breathing Techniques, and others. Sessions are running way too long in front of emdr machine and is frying brain. JJ

 

[Deleted member 37085]

My first session was really cautious and then my second session was awful. Same thing of one thing con...

Thank you, for I am going to ask T if we can one week do emdr and following week (like you and your T are doing) talk about it. Thanks for this tip. JJ

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Yup, that is normal, the wonderful roller coaster of PTSD. That is exactly why this condition is...

I don't think extreme suicidal thoughts and desires are suppose to happen immediately post emdr sessions; they weren't happening until a few weeks ago T and I agreed to instead of bi-monthly emdr sessions that we'd have weekly sessions. T has not been grounding and stabilizing me after sessions enough (only 3-5 minutes) and I am struggling with suicidal thoughts, physical pain, psychotic thinking all attributed to too lengthy of sessions and running machine waaayyyyy too long. Brain for me can only take so much. and now it's throwing out white flag. JJ

 

[Deleted member 37085]

This a.m. T said I see him tomorrow 3/28. Ugh. Hate emdr now; am grateful for what emdr has connected for me and now know so much about trauma past and father. JJ

 

[June1960]

I wonder how long your sessions are. My insurance only pays for 45 minutes. So I get brought into some horrible place and then time is up. No time for grounding. Have never yet installed any positive cognitions. Just a trip to hell and then sent home to deal with it for a week. The "coping skills" were supposed to be the CBT course I did before I started EMDR. I hated CBT and was just glad the course is over. Now my therapist says I need more coping skills but all they have is CBT. I keep wondering why she led me into hell and left me there. I don't know if I want to do EMDR.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

I wonder how long your sessions are. My insurance only pays for 45 minutes. So I get brought into some...

Me too @June1960 re: getting through emdr sessions brought into horrible places and like you said - TRIP TO HELL and time runs out, no grounding COPING SKILLS notta (an attempt at doing this once after one emdr session then T did no more after that (not long enough and T not consistent in providing coping skills June, and then sending me home in very bad shape. Scared of everything upon arrival at home (starts that evening and lasts until the next Monday - day before next emdr session - so no ease up from trip to hell between sessions - T -emdr- piling trauma memories connecting to one another - one right after the other). Frying brain this way, and no stabilization and grounding like you said June. Cra-cra! And at home post emdr sessions - awake walking around zombish and then nightmarish scenario becomes stronger week to week.

I believe my Insurance covers one hr. emdr sessions June; and I too didn't do well at all in CBT, just no help there for me either. EMDR has connected father to other sexual pred. that harmed me, so I am benefitting - and at a cost, as described above. I saw T Tueday, and said only 20 minute emdr sessions (and I told T not to run the light more than 30 seconds which is Dr. Shapiro's protocol) also one week emdr following week stablization, discussion, and trauma memory processing, and I have to hold T to these changes. If I'm not the problem, there is no solution - whether I'm the problem or not. So I told (not asked) informed firmly T that only 20 minute emdr sessions, with only 30 second light machine runs; and emdr only once every two weeks. In between we'll process what occurred in emdr sessions and T will teach me more in-depth grounding and stabilization techniques. I also have used the web to find these mind-calming techniques June 1960. Let me know how things go, I understand what you're going through. Only someone who has been here understands fully what it's like to have our brains nearly fried in emdr. Can read about it, but nothing like experiencing it to be able to help another, and be supportive of others.

For anyone considering EMDR, approach and proceed with caution. I never checked T's emdr credentials ex. who trained him, and how many clients had T successfully treated; never looked his plaques (certificates) on wall. Just went in there with the trust of a naive child and that is cra-cra thinking and acting on my part. I hope I've learned this lesson from nearly frying brain June. JJ