Relationship The Benefits Of Having Ptsd Or Being A Spouse

[Deleted member 28812]

I have been reading this thread: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/is-there-a-profile-of-supporters-looking-for-a-pattern.21913/

and felt it was a bit negative. Which are the benefits of having PTSD or being with someone who has.

I noticed the following:
* A lot of people are pretty superficial. They think they need the latest cell-phone or whatever to be happy - but we don't
* We can be more happy about the small things
* My husband is sometimes down, but sometimes he is able to forget about all the stuff and then he is very cheerful
* We are hardworking and take nothing for granted
* My hubby has been complimented at his job for his hardworking attitude (though they complained about other things)
* My husband is responsible
* and loyal, won't forsake a friend because as somebody with PTSD he knows how important friendship is
* My husband is megaprotective of his family

Being with somebody with PTSD I learned to work more and be more grown-up.

So how about you?

 

[Owl.]

Not to offend or anything, but none of that (IMHO) has anything to do with PTSD. Those are signs of being a normal, decent human being with work ethics and a sense of loyalty. Read: Every good person, with or without some form of illness, I've ever met.

Don't think you'll find anyone here who wouldn't HAPPILY give up their/their loved one's PTSD (or other disorder/sickness/what have you). Wouldn't change a thing about them, but it WOULD give them at least a trace of peace of mind.
Those who DO see "benefits" in this (I don't, I honestly don't, and I'd give at least three limbs without a second's hesitation to get that beast OUT of my life for good)? There's two ways to describe them. "Pretty good at gallows humor" is the nicer one.

(And let's not even get into how PTSD is perfectly capable of robbing people of their ability to function normally at all, let alone work. What does that make them then?)

 

[Deleted member 28812]

I am in a hurry. More later.
I believe our father in heaven knows what He is doing. Well, I know not everybody shares my religious convictions... but I think we are going trough the mill and have been going through the mill for a while... but in the long run... I think it will be beneficial for us and a chance for personal growth.

In the long run I have been happy for most of the "bad" stuff that happened in my life because it showed me how strong I am and how much I can take - from my perspective. Nobody has to agree on this.

 

[Go Hungry]

Can't say that I see anything positive about the curse, except for that one time that I was so keyed up I ran into traffic and yanked a girl out from in front of a bus and then had us both on the sidewalk so fast that her feet left the ground. There is that. And I mean.. well.. I certainly haven't had a boring life. And mania feels like a million bucks some times. I could go on, but I'd probably offend some folks. So.. you know. Stuff.

But mostly it's just been a giant pain in the ass.

 

[Ed Norton]

I can't think of anything positive about PTSD either.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

I didn't really say that PTSD was great. Sorry if this was offensive.
As a spouse I hold the opinion that the hard times in our lives teach us to appreciate the good ones more and give us the chance to grow in the long run... whcih does not mean PTSD itself is a good thing.

 

[Owl.]

Sorry, but what I'm reading now is that we/our loved ones should be grateful we got to go to war, were raped, violated, horribly abused in unspeakable ways, got to see our friends get blown to pieces, got shot, got to drag the charred bodies of children out of burning houses and all those other fun things because the good Lord only dishes out what we can handle?
I guess the poor souls making up the suicide statistics must all be filthy atheists then.

Everybody (and I mean EVERYBODY) has the right to believe what they wish, and I'm not going to belittle your faith or your God, but that's actually insulting. When even the most basic of needs (like sleep or a grocery run) sometimes cannot be fulfilled, when you can't walk down a street, watch TV or even just socialize because your own mind has been made to turn against you without warning, that's NOT a lovely little challenge to grow on and you DON'T learn to appreciate it in time.
Why? Because this hell is here to stay, you don't get the luxury of "looking back" one day to see how you've "grown".

And even if you do get to a point where everything seems (SEEMS!) under control, you still haven't "grown on the challenge". You haven't even lived through it. You survived and lost years, if not ALL your life to the battle, in many cases while being all too aware you're but a shell of what you were before.

This is not a hike through the Andes or a triathlon. Those are challenges to grow on.
This is something everyone affected needs to work their butts off to handle somehow, and even when (if) that point is reached, I'll pretty much guarantee no one will EVER be grateful they got to go on that trip.
Especially not since an extra round through Sh*t Creek will never be more than a single trigger away.

(And your responses in this thread are singing a whole different tune than the original post, so please don't be surprised if the replies do get a tad...hefty.)

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Again. I am sorry if I offended somebody - I was just thinking aloud... and I realized that I would not be me if the challenging things that happened in my life would not have happened to me.


*lol* My needs for sleep or socializing (together with my husband) are almost never fullfilled and of course that does suck but than I realized I can live with it.


My husband is pretty mature and I saw this in a lot of Vets. I don't speak for my husband here though - but I don't think he would offended by me saying something positive about him here.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Not sure if you read the original post I linked to. It basically says that there must be some psychological issues in supporters of people with PTSD or they would have picked somebody healthy. I would have liked to answer there but the thread was already closed.

I cannot speak for others but I do not have psychological issues that made me pick my hubby. I may have a ton of other psychological issues but they did not affect my choice of spouse.
I picked him because he was pretty mature and because he could see that stuff like a cell phone is not important in the long run and I do think his experiences made him more mature. Does this mean that trauma is good? No! I am just happy his experiences shaped a person like him.

I do not see him as messed up and I do not see myself as a messed up person who picked a broken guy, got me?

 

[Kefira]

I feel some of the responses are unfair.

Of course no one wants this, of course we would trade it. But I've seen threads in the past where whether it was the focus or a tangent people expressed some of the positive things that they did feel, such as being more focused on appreciating their families sometimes because they had almost lost them. Or being grateful for the things they've accomplished like finishing school, which at one time they would have taken for granted due to expectations. In my case I'm finding creative ways to help myself and others I might never have been interested in without my struggle with PTSD. I believe while I am socially awkward I am a better friend for those who will have me because I have lost so many. And certainly my trauma gives me a perspective on what things simply are not important. Sometimes that's overridden by anxiety, but it's there.

I think this is less "PTSD is a wonderful thing or a blessing" (not what was said guys) and more "everything I have experienced, even the very worst, has taught and shaped me into exactly who I am today- the negative and the positive attributes included."

Just my two cents, but maybe if we want to take the defensiveness down a level we can actually have a discussion. Thank you for the thread @Lemontree

 

[illusionist]

Lemontree....you list the very same things my partner loves about me. I personally need to look at the positive aspects.....I've got this damn thing for life so may as well see all aspects of it..good and bad. All the shit has definitely shaped me in many positive ways....but if you had posted this years ago I'm sure my answer would have been different. I certainly can look back now and see the progress I've made....just sometimes I struggle to see it...but most of the time I do.

 

[Go Hungry]

Well this thread got nasty really fast. But anyways, I think I do kinda see what @Lemontree was trying to get at. Perhaps something about being humble, enjoying things that others take for granted, etc. Because a metric shit-ton of people take everyday life for granted. By hook or by crook, we got to see things from a different perspective, and that certainly affected us. I mean.. I grew up in one of those fundamentalist Southern-Fried Baptist environments, steeped in hatred for mankind. (I've got to be really careful here, or I'll switch.) I suppose it could be said that my abuse helped me to see just how monstrous organized religion could be.

I mean, in truth.. every part of me has been affected by this illness. I am who I am because of it. And the challenges are many, but they are all that I know. I sometimes wonder what sort of person I would have been without the trauma? A bigoted redneck? A brilliant lawyer? A miserable drunk? Who knows...

I don't worry about it too much, because I am who I am, and I'm winning.