The Guilt Of Not Wanting To Help My Partner With Ptsd Anymore

[MelissaB12345]

My partner has PTSD from his 3 tours of war. He's not violent and as far as im aware he doesnt have nightmares and flash backs. But he struggles to maintain a good relationship with me. We've been together 3 years but we've been dealing with his PTSD for over a year now.

And I've had enough. He's family will bend over backwards to pick up the pieces for him but they don't live with him. They don't take the brunt of his emotional torment. They don't take the broken promises and they don't sit at home for days on end waiting and wondering where he is because he's gone out, got wasted and disappeared for 3 days. Every time he goes AWOL it breaks my heart, and makes me hate him. Even though i know its the PTSD, I cant stop being angry at him. (There is of course more to this but i'm trying to keep it short)

I feel so guilty! That I've had enough, that i'm not sure I want to help him, after 3 years of love for this man I feel like I just want to run away. I am so angry at him for hurting me over and over again. For never being able to keep a promise. And I feel so guilty that deep down inside I don't know if i have the compassion left in me to keep forgiving him and keep supporting him. Am i a terrible person?

 

[ms spock]

I think you are a really brave person for being able to be honest about how it is for you.

I think it is clever to realise your own limitations.

It is a put your own oxygen mask on first type situation.

 

[barefoot]

Am i a terrible person?

No. Not at all.

 

[Glara]

No. You didn't mention your age. If you are in your 20s or 30s you still have a long time ahead of you to deal with this. If you don't have children but want to start a family, is this the way you want it to be?

My sufferer and I are in our 50s. I was married, I have an adult daughter, my own money etc. I'm at an age where I know I'll have to deal with a partner's health issues anyway. When I was younger I don't know that I would have wanted to deal with it. (Still don't WANT to)

There's nothing wrong with taking a hard look at your current situation and deciding if it's worth your future. In my case it's different. I'm long distance and completely independent of him. I don't have to live with it. Could I? There was a time I'd have been willing to try, but at this point I don't know.

I understand why you feel guilty. But you have to remember, he's a adult and capable of making choices. He can opt for treatment over getting wasted and disappearing. PTSD is not something you can fix, but it is something that will change your life. Just as he can is making decisions about how to manage his life, you have a right to do that as well.

 

[DaisySH]

You are not a terrible person...it is something that definitely weighs on you day in and out...I've been dealing with my husband's PTSD for 8 years but he is highly functional(which doesn't meant anything) so he doesn't drink... He is emotionally numb and has decided to end our marriage. It is important for you to be honest to yourself. Although PTSD can get better it is a lifelong struggle... It is a very difficult situation and although I have no idea how to advice since I am struggling too I can definitely and be a supper here when you need it.

 

[Friday]

For arguments sake... Let's say yes; that no longer being able to deal with emotional torment, broken promises, a broken heart, and hating someone you used to love makes you a terrible person. (Or a smurf, airplane, giraffe, etc.). It doesn't really matter, does it? You can no longer deal with XYZ. That's the bottom line.

If you can't deal with XYZ? You can't deal with XYZ. Doesn't matter whether it's PTSD or fame & fortune. If you can't deal with / don't want A-Z in your life? Hon. It's your life. You only get one.

 

[Go Hungry]

You aren't a terrible person. A relationship can only withstand so much chaos. I know when my ex-wife kicked me out it was because of that, among other things. It wasn't my idea, but it was a good one. It was only after I lost my caretaker that I was able to take my PTSD seriously and then start to deal with it. Regardless, it's like Friday said.. If you can't take the chaos, then you can't take it. There's nothing wrong with that...