I have written about my childhood and abuse here before please feel free to read. It has been 4 years since I stopped therapy and my disassociation has protected me by burying the horrors of my childhood abuse. I live with an ongoing internal battle of wanting to remember and being terrified too.
Will the truth free me or destroy me, honestly not sure. Are there things that are so horrific that my mind understands the danger of remembering in detail? I am confused and despite my efforts memories and feelings are leaking out through emotional flashbacks. I am not a person who cry's, ever but recently if I am watching TV or reading a story that features a child being saved the tears begin to come and I feel sick so I quickly shut it down.
The more I try to remember the sicker I feel but at the same time can not handle the feeling of not being in control.
Will the truth free me or destroy me, honestly not sure. Are there things that are so horrific that my mind understands the danger of remembering in detail? I am confused and despite my efforts memories and feelings are leaking out through emotional flashbacks. I am not a person who cry's, ever but recently if I am watching TV or reading a story that features a child being saved the tears begin to come and I feel sick so I quickly shut it down.
The more I try to remember the sicker I feel but at the same time can not handle the feeling of not being in control.