Thank you
@Sietz and
@ladee
Working through the stuff, ugh ugh ugh
I suffered a lot, being stuck with, no support, a disabled child, many others and continual abuse and isolation and being trapped.
My disabled child is now a young adult, access to on-going services has only happened later in life for him, as my, much older, ex wouldn't even acknowledge his disability and developmental delays.
My son ended up psychotically ill and someone told me "the most mentally ill person they had ever seen" . This was after I was forced out of the family home due to escalating abuse and serious physical and whole-being breakdown.
I could only help my son after his father's abuse got so bad and his drug oriented lifestyle got my son so ill, that his Dad washed his hands of him and dropped him off (without even communicating with me, mind you) at my ghetto social housing unit when I wasn't even home. One of my sons texted me, I was at uni and had to walk many k's home to find my florid son in a neighbor's house.
As soon as I got my son a little stabilized, his father sent my daughter to collect him. So, of course, he got very psychotically ill again and, thankfully, Community Mental Health responded to my call and home visited my son at his father's.
2 years later and, thankfully, due my actions when I had access to my son and a package of funding from gov disability, I was able to organize a wonderful day program service for him, which, although I wouldn't have been able to get him there, without my best, very tall and amazing male friend helping; he started to have a chance at becoming well and supported.
I still suffer from "moral injury" because my son is still far from his goals or maturity, and stability has been dependant on keeping him away from his father's, as much as possible.I kind of blame myself as I was stuck, unable to get away from his father for so many years, without losing my family.
He has suffered so much. Being the target of so much gaslighting, scapegoating, and criminal level neglect from his Dad. Being drugged (like me) and that destroying his sanity and ability to be stable, thanks to his father. Since he was born, he had terrible survival struggles and failure to thrive and traumas and neglect. I fought for him, but was so limited in my ability to get anywhere for him, because his father had too much power to shut me down, gaslight me and abuse me too, only being able to gain any sway after leaving, while having to tortuously wait for things to get bad enough to get services to help.
I rang every possible organization, went to court, went to the police, no one would help until my son was so f*cked up he became too much trouble for his Dad. And whenever I would get him well again, his Dad would take him off me again.
See, because my ex knows my children mean more to me than just about anything, he has been able to mentally torture me by keeping them from me, abusing them and brainwashing them and encouraging an addictive, disempowering lifestyle where he is the cult leader.
Parental alienation a very real and very cruel form of child and ex spouse abuse.
