First of all, my sympathies on your devastating losses. And congratulations on finding a prince of a guy who recognizes that this day has just as much significance to you as to any another mother.
Two of my precious babies are no longer living. Although I have 4 living children, the loss of these two for me is never diminished. I love the quotation, " Grief is sometimes compared to climbing a spiral staircase where things can look and feel like you are just going in circles but you are actually making progress." It's been years and sometimes I still feel as if I'm climbing in circles.
I have found that it really helps to do something that significantly helps to memorialize your child. It doesn't matter if your baby was lost at just a few months through a miscarriage or was a full term infant. What matters is this was a much loved and wanted child whose life deserves to be honored. Plant a rose bush or a tree - something you can care for and watch blossom and grow. Get a special onament you put on your Christmas tree every year. Any little gesture that will honor that child in your heart and life.
And Happy Mothers Day.
Thank you for reading my post and responding with such kind words and understanding. I'm so sorry you've also lost 2 of your children, it's an unfair world at times.
We lost 3 babies many years ago to early miscarriage, and then got pregnant with our miracle ivf babies. We lost twin 1 quite early but twin 2, our daughter, was doing amazingly until I had a placental abruption (no cause ever found). We sadly also lost another baby to early miscarriage after our daughter died.
We've both been heavily involved with SANDS in the UK for nearly 8 years now, and I trained as a befriender for Sands also. They have been such an amazing source of support, to both of us, and our local group are extraordinary kind and compassionate and will alwaya listen, but they don't always get the ptsd stuff. We do so many of your suggestions, like you said, that memorializing and tangible recognition can very helpful to bereaved parents, so we do that often. The whole ptsd thing comes from the healthcare treatment received before and after our Daughter's death, l and as I only found out I have ptsd last year, it's been a difficult time having memories/symptoms coke flooding back through the treatment.
Just to add insult to injury, that evening went from bad to worse. I had to take my sister to A&E not long after I originally posted (poor thing ended up in emergency surgery, but she's fine now thankfully). It's the first time I've been back to A&E since my daughter died, and boy that was not fun. I cried the entire way to her house desperately not wanting to go. Rightly or wrongly, I hid my emotions and symptoms as much as I possibly could from my sister because she was already so distressed. Lots of running off to the loo to hide flashbacks, panic attacks, fear etc then a young lady came in, clearly pregnant clutching her bump and uncontrollably sobbing, so more of the flashbacks and memories.
Once we were out of A&E and on the surgical ward, I felt much better, right up until I was about to leave and a lovely nurse was chatting to us to keep my sister distracted and she asked me how many children I had. My sister grabbed my hand as I burst into tears and had a full blown panic attack. I was gutted because I thought I'd "coped" pretty well all considering.
What a shit show eh! I'm glad I have this forum to vent this stuff to though, really helps, so thank you x
