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D
Deleted member 33880
don't know who ex T's supervisor is.
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joeylittle
Sponsor
Ah - I think I meant line manager (went back and checked your first post). Do you have contact info for that person?
- Post starter
- #75
D
Deleted member 33880
yes, the proposal went to ex T and line manager.
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- #76
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Deleted member 33880
oh, I got a letter from ex t a week or so ago saying he just can't do therapy with me anymore. he just can't do it, he got to a point where he just couldn't.
that was the only explanation I was given. Hints at either burn out or pressure on him being too much.
that was the only explanation I was given. Hints at either burn out or pressure on him being too much.
Missycat
Diamond Member
@Kaluki im wondering what you are expecting to see in the response to the approach/proposal letter that has been written? You say above that your ex t has written to you saying that he could just not do therapy anymore with you - are you wanting more than this? What is it you are wanting to see/hear? I ask because you may not get what you want or it may upset you and as you mention things have been improving for you , could this cause a set back?
Hm, if the ex T actually did now respond, I think it would have been at least wise for him to make sure you understand it was not your fault and has nothing to do with you. I think that would have just been fair and the responsible thing to do. Without that, I think complete silence on his part would have even been better...
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- #79
D
Deleted member 33880
just 5 sessions or so for closure. not therapy, just closure. We had no closure. It is important. I may find I don't want it but him offering it would make a difference because of his lack of professionalism and the callous way he did the ending, really has been very toxic and damaging. but people have pointed out that I might not like to meet a man who is being dragged to sessions with me and who doesn't want to be there. I might just want to walk away shaking the dust from my feet.
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- #80
M
Mangojuice1973
I would call the ethics board in your state. Your therapist is required to at least give you a few weeks notice. And abandoning you like that is not following his requirement to do no harm to the client.
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BuckarooBanzai
Platinum Member
Like Joey, I'm glad you are taking positive steps towards closure. Kudos.
But wait: You said you've been out of therapy for almost nine weeks; how does this attachment therapist fit in? And, if she's not your therapist, why is she drafting this letter?
I do want to point out that you're assuming a lot of negative affect, neglect, emotional abuse - generally unprofessional actions - by your beloved old therapist when, in reality, you don't know anything other than he had a serious family emergency and had to quit. There is no evidence of unprofessional conduct at this point.
But wait: You said you've been out of therapy for almost nine weeks; how does this attachment therapist fit in? And, if she's not your therapist, why is she drafting this letter?
I do want to point out that you're assuming a lot of negative affect, neglect, emotional abuse - generally unprofessional actions - by your beloved old therapist when, in reality, you don't know anything other than he had a serious family emergency and had to quit. There is no evidence of unprofessional conduct at this point.
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BuckarooBanzai
Platinum Member
Here's something to consider.
I understand, given your attachment issues and past experiences, that you fear the worst about this relationship. Out of fear, you have put together a story about his actions and intentions that reflect your fear. Makes sense.
May I propose another plausible scenario?
Scenario: Your beloved therapist, unbeknownst to you, has suffered from depression, and even suicidal ideation, for many years - perhaps much of his life. Indeed, this was his initial impetus for becoming a therapist. Now, due to burn-out and his familial stressors, the depression has come to the foreground again and he is desperately depressed. Possibly, during what was reported to you as his 'family emergency', he was hospitalized for depression and suicidal ideation; perhaps he even made a suicide attempt. When he was released from the hospital, his psychiatrist and his work supervisor decided that he could only return to work if he agreed to give up his private clients and do administrative work.
This would explain why he dropped the ball so suddenly, and why no one has been able to adequately explain to you why your therapy was terminated so abruptly. I think you will agree that it would have been highly inappropriate for him to explain all of this to you or any other client.
This is a plausible scenario. Therapists - even doctoral-level clinical psychologists and psychiatrists - are human beings susceptible to exactly the same stressors as the rest of the general population, and they do at times become severely depressed; there have been therapists who have committed suicide.
So, while I certainly cannot say whether this is what happened, I would suggest that this scenario is as plausible as the other one you fear.
I understand, given your attachment issues and past experiences, that you fear the worst about this relationship. Out of fear, you have put together a story about his actions and intentions that reflect your fear. Makes sense.
May I propose another plausible scenario?
Scenario: Your beloved therapist, unbeknownst to you, has suffered from depression, and even suicidal ideation, for many years - perhaps much of his life. Indeed, this was his initial impetus for becoming a therapist. Now, due to burn-out and his familial stressors, the depression has come to the foreground again and he is desperately depressed. Possibly, during what was reported to you as his 'family emergency', he was hospitalized for depression and suicidal ideation; perhaps he even made a suicide attempt. When he was released from the hospital, his psychiatrist and his work supervisor decided that he could only return to work if he agreed to give up his private clients and do administrative work.
This would explain why he dropped the ball so suddenly, and why no one has been able to adequately explain to you why your therapy was terminated so abruptly. I think you will agree that it would have been highly inappropriate for him to explain all of this to you or any other client.
This is a plausible scenario. Therapists - even doctoral-level clinical psychologists and psychiatrists - are human beings susceptible to exactly the same stressors as the rest of the general population, and they do at times become severely depressed; there have been therapists who have committed suicide.
So, while I certainly cannot say whether this is what happened, I would suggest that this scenario is as plausible as the other one you fear.
- Post starter
- #83
D
Deleted member 33880
the attachment therapist is my mental health advocate and champion trying to broker the best deal on the closure for me with all parties involved. He is not my therapist. I don't want to EVER work with a therapist EVER again.
No matter what he went through, he dropped me in a cruel and callous way. He could have mitigated it. He didn't. He can't have been that ill as he was back to work within days - working now back up to five days a week. I suspect something more is going on, but he sure felt no compulsion to protect me or mitigate my suffering. I am the one considered at high risk here, not him. I am the one who is fragile and vulnerable not him. He is working nine to five - five days a week and that doesn't really indicate someone who is vulnerable. I asked him once if he got depression or had depression and he said no. Even if he burned out, he was responsible to ending with me ethically and kindly and respectfully. If he can't do that, he should be struck off.
No matter what he went through, he dropped me in a cruel and callous way. He could have mitigated it. He didn't. He can't have been that ill as he was back to work within days - working now back up to five days a week. I suspect something more is going on, but he sure felt no compulsion to protect me or mitigate my suffering. I am the one considered at high risk here, not him. I am the one who is fragile and vulnerable not him. He is working nine to five - five days a week and that doesn't really indicate someone who is vulnerable. I asked him once if he got depression or had depression and he said no. Even if he burned out, he was responsible to ending with me ethically and kindly and respectfully. If he can't do that, he should be struck off.
BuckarooBanzai
Platinum Member
Do we know he's not at high risk? This is not something he (or any mental health professional) would tell you about.
If I remember correctly, you said he's no longer seeing clients. If so, no, he hasn't returned to work, rather he has segued to a much less stressful position. I'd say he's vulnerable right now. How vulmerable, how much at risk, I can't say.
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